Tales From the Red Light District – Rebound

The following takes place between 11:30pm and 11:35pm on a street in Amsterdam near central station. As I attempted to unlock my bike I was approached by a tourist with a strange smile on his face who seemed to want directions and a bit of a chat. He seemed just a bit drunk and a little too happy. English politeness and the inability to get the lock on my bike open forced me to take at least some part in the bizarre conversation that followed.

Tourist:
(Suddenly approaching with a grin)
“Excuse me can I ask you a question?”

Me:
(Realizing I can’t easily get away as I fiddle with my bike lock)
“Um…ok.”

Tourist:
“How do I get to the red light district from here?”
(Grinning some more)

Me:
“Um… it’s in that direction, past the tourist boats, through the streets until you see lots of red. You can’t miss it.”
(Pointing in the general direction of the Red Light District)

Tourist:
“Thanks… Hey, can I ask you another question?”
(Somehow making his grin even bigger)

Me:
“Er… ok.”
(Starting to wonder where the line of questioning is going to lead)

Tourist:
“Are you British? Scottish? Australian?”

Me:
(Cutting him off before he can list all the English speaking countries he knows)
“Yes… er… I mean British”

Tourist:
“Yeah!”
(Shouting in a cheer and suddenly put’s his hand up for a high five)

Me:
“Um… yeah?”
(Deeply confused but returning his high five and guessing that he is British too or just really likes British people)

Tourist:
“I just split up with my girlfriend so I’m going to… you know…”
(Pointing in the direction previously indicated and smiling)

Me:
“Oh. Ok then. I hope you meet someone nice.”
(Finally getting my bike unlocked and quickly leaving before the conversation gets any stranger)

Read about the time I was invited to a Red Light District party in:
Tales From the Red Light District – Red Light Party

9 responses to “Tales From the Red Light District – Rebound”

  1. Melissa P says:

    I think you need to invest in a better bike lock… one that works faster! That was just creepy! LOL!!

  2. Super Pi says:

    Ahhhh, sometimes when I see these situations coming I answer in Spanish “Lo siento, no hablo inglés” (sorry, I don’t speak English). Repeat with me until you have a truly Spanish accent and then use it next time. You will be safe!!! :-)

  3. Alison says:

    Suddenly having “utrecht red light district” be the most frequent search term for my blog doesn’t seem so bad. At least they’re not asking me in person!

  4. Irishangell says:

    It might have been worse. He might have thought you WERE a prostitute and propositioned you….

  5. Invader Stu says:

    Melissa P – I might just risk leaving my bike unlocked from now on

    Super Pi – Knowing my luck they will turn out to be Spanish

    Alison – *Googles “utrecht red light district”*

    Irishangell – Did you ever read the story about the time I sort of almost did that myself? http://www.invadingholland.com/?p=350

  6. VallyP says:

    Perhaps he thought you’d be sympathetic and go with him…;)

  7. Anita says:

    Well, the most frequent search word for my blog is “blond Amsterdam” (which by the way is the name of a famous brand BLOND-Amsterdam and one of my first posts). Also: naked blond Amsterdam, lekker blond, etc….The second one is “kroket” (I have pusblished a recipe a long ago). Quite frustrating. Can you imagine when I was 7 months pregnant and looking around (I look around a lot, calculating potential photos) in the Red Light a guy offered me a girl thinking I was a lesbian ? Strange things happened to me when I was pregnant, oh my !

  8. kiki says:

    Did you thoroughly wash the hand you high fived him with?

  9. Invader Stu says:

    VallyP – I guess it would be one way to save money…. eeewwwwww….

    Anita – The first time I walked through there to take a look had girls opening their doors and calling out to me things like, “Hey, ginger boy,” and “Over here red head.” I just kept on walking.
    My most frequent search word seems to be ‘space cake’.

    Kiki – No. But now I’m thinking I should have.

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