Internet Withdrawal

Internet Withdrawal

For the past week I have found myself with out access to the internet once again since my dealer has cut off my supply thanks to an unknown error. I’ve started to get the shakes of withdrawal and it won’t be long until I start to go completely crazy.

Since our shady internet dealer also provides us with other technological based services the strange errors are not restricted to our ability to surf the web, we have also lost our phone line. This is simply adding insult to injure. We can’t even phone for pizza which everyone knows is the traditional diet of any one who takes part in the tradition of internet browsing. It is our birthright to play online games and snack on extra spicy pizza while the dishes remain unwashed in the sink but now they are forcing us to actually clean up and then cook our own food. This is a grave injustice.

I know what you are thinking. Why not use this opportunity to take a break from the computer and browse TV channels instead of web pages? I wish I could but I can not because even that technological luxury is slowly being stripped away from us and I do mean slowly. Television channels have been mysteriously disappearing daily with out a trace like mafia snitches. We even witnessed one channel desperately hanging on for dear life as it flickered out of existence and finally vanished. Another channel had an identity crisis when it suddenly started to display the images from a film channel (that we did not have a subscription for) while still playing the audio for the discovery channel. There is something very strange and confusing about watching a gritty prison thriller while hearing about the life and times of Egyptian pharaohs.

If the engineer does not arrive soon we will have no channels left. In fact, I would not be surprised if the rest of the technology in the house starts to degrade and I eventually revert back to living like a cave man as I attempt to make fire with two peaces of flint, eventually clubbing the engineer unconscious when he finally arrives and dragging him by his hair to the modem that needs fixing while grunting the problem.

For legal reasons I will not name my internet provider but I will say that it ends with a C and begins with a U with another letter in the middle. Hopefully the problem will be fixed soon and normal services on this blog can be resumed. I apologise for the slowness in posting caused by this.

15 responses to “Internet Withdrawal”

  1. suus says:

    CPU sucks indeed. I had similar problems a few months ago. But I survived, sorta.

  2. Manictastic says:

    Poor chap, emigrate to belgium, we’ve got decent beer at least to soften the damaga. :d

  3. Emsz says:

    Everyone knows you shouldn’t have all three at the same time from the same provider ;) You should get a different for each three :D That way when you’re out of one, you’re not out of the other two ;)

  4. Tenakalaz says:

    the Question is, will it work as they said it would at the end of today. (for the third time) or will we suddenly end up watching Russian T.V this evening, how many channels will be left ??

  5. mub says:

    I thought for sure you were talking about KPN until you got to the possessed cable part ;)

  6. Seb says:

    it starts with the internet, then the phone and then the TV. 1 by 1 all your forms of entertainment will disappear until one morning you wake up and your penis, the last vestibule of free entertainment, has disappeared and has been replaced by a cinderblock. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

  7. Aisling says:

    The lesson here is to not put all of your eggs in one basket. You have to keep them separated, so that you always have a fall back.

    You also made me really want pizza. Shame on you. :P

  8. sophie says:

    I think the worse of this is to discover how must hooked on these diabolic things we are… For example, you could take it as a good reason to go out and get drunk, or go to the cinema, or go out for dinner, go to the theatre??
    …or know how wonderful is that your mobile does work??? haha!

  9. VallyP says:

    Not again Stu! Your UC with a middle P supplier is dealing you shoddy, cut goods. You’d better ask them for some donations to your Pizza fund too while they’re about it.

  10. Invader Stu says:

    suus – they keep on doing it to us

    Manictastic – Beer would be good

    Emsz – Some how, some way, it would still go wrong

    VallyP – No way, they would mess it up and give me something strange like a banana pizza :p

    Tenakalaz – And when we do get it back. How long will it last?

    mub – KPN is that bad as well?

    Seb – I am. I don’t want to have a UPC engineer come around a look at that problem.

    Aisling – Pizza, Pizza, Pizza, Pizza, Pizza, Pizza, Pizza, Pizza.

    sophie – I don’t need any excuse to get drunk :p

  11. Ana Luisa says:

    CPU must be Dutch for “Orange”; my damn internet used to crash all the time when I lived in Paris…

  12. Aisling says:


  13. ChickyBabe says:

    I’ve been arguing with my isp too, for other reasons. Last time I lost connection for 5 days, I had to buy dial up. S-l-o-w…

  14. Invader Stu says:

    Ana Luisa – I actually wonder if there are any internet companies that work well any where.

    Aisling – Mahahahaha.

    ChickyBabe – I was with out internet for almost two weeks.

  15. Anneke says:

    :D I could say that it’ll all go away and all the channels will be back in order soon, however personal experience (no, let’s not go there) taught me not to say things like that… All channels (and I mean all, except some obscure Latvanian documentary channel) have disappeared from my telly… I watch dvd’s and hope one day I can watch the news again… Good luck, btw, with finding and recovering your channels!

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