Invading Earth (Including Holland)

Invading Earth

The Aliens Are Coming! The Aliens Are Coming!

But there is nothing to worry about because they all seem to be a bit useless.

If there is one thing movies have shown us about life from beyond the stars it is that they are not really as scary as they might seem. They either melt when a glass of water is thrown over them or simply die from eat the local food. This raises the question; why would super intelligent beings come to earth in their amazing machines of death and not get their inoculation jabs first. Even the most stupid of holiday tourists (yes, even the English ones) know not to drink the water in some countries they travel to. It seems obvious to apply the same logic when invading (or going on holiday) to another planet. When the holiday flights to Mars start you can bet I’ll be taking a lot of bottled water with me for drinking and brushing my teeth with.

It does not end their either. Movies have also shown that aliens do not bother to put password protection or even Norton Anti-Virus on their computers and as a result leave their whole system open to any human hacker. They must have really useless system administrators.

But even if the aliens remember their inoculation shots and their password protection there is still no need to worry. According to Mr. Spielberg there is a simple plan for surviving any alien invasion. When every where else has been destroyed, every building flattened, every other human killed or harvested, when the entire planet is being covered in an evil looking red alien plant thingy…go to Boston. Boston will be safe. Every building will still be standing. Everything will still be clean. There will not even be a cracked window. The birds will still be tweeting and Mr. Mouse will still be happily looking for food. Aliens seem to hate the whole world but not Boston.

Never underestimate the power of bug spray, music, mud or stairs either.

15 responses to “Invading Earth (Including Holland)”

  1. Keith Demko says:

    Funny stuff … I mostly liked Spielberg’s “War of the Worlds,” but agreed that his aliens were indeed a rather silly creation

  2. Matt says:

    I must admit I found the whole war of the worlds ending a bit bizzare. Where other people have been vaporized there is a whole family hiding behind some netted curtain. Rubbish.

  3. Invader Stu says:

    I don’t think War of the Worlds updated well for one main reason. Because the original is set in Victorian times humans did not have anyway of using a virus as a weapon. So the aliens becoming natural ill and dieing was believable. Surly in today’s age they would have tried chemical weapons might have had a similar affect in stead of the army having to wait for someone to sneeze on the aliens.

  4. Bonestorm says:

    I did like Spielberg’s War of the Worlds. The biggest problem I had with it was his need for a happy Hollywood ending. I mean, how did the son survive? That irked me a bit.

  5. Pete says:

    I read your comment on Zoe’s blog and thought I’d give you another gustmap visitor.
    Can’t get into it.

  6. roxanne says:

    Love the alien. You resemble him so much. ;)

  7. marycub says:

    Hey? what happened to my comment? :( i was the first one toooo.

  8. Invader_Stu says:

    Bonestorm – It’s not just a question of how did he survive. Why did the aliens let someone that annoying live?

    Pete – Thanks for letting me know. I don’t seem to be having any trouble with it at the moment but I will investigate more.

  9. Invader_Stu says:

    Roxanne – Thanks. It could be a body snatchers :)

    Marycub – I don’t know. I never saw it.

  10. Latinastar says:

    You are sooo funny i read your blog and i think you are such a clever clogs…!!!-by the way r you ginger and spotty?…

  11. Alan says:

    What I never got was… whenever the big rubbery aliens decided to invade earth, you know the ones that like to wave their arms and stomp a lot but don’t really do much else, they always seemed to pick Angel Falls to invade first. Now me, I would have picked New York, or London, or Paris, or basically anywhere but Angel Falls because that’s where the Power Rangers lived!

  12. dan fef says:

    What about Earth Girls Are Easy.

    Those aliens just immitate us, party and sleep with our women!

  13. Tobias says:

    Have you noticed that the world always equals the US as well? Taking over the world = taking over the US. The end of the world = the end of the US. Quite entertaining. As well as the fact that these aliens always seem to understand and/or speak English. They may have forgotten to be careful with the water, at least they remembered to bring their phrase books…

  14. Whitney Davis says:

    I’m going through the multiple alien-invasion films in my mind and I can’t think of a single one where the aliens win.

    I’m thinking you should create one. Your aliens will be invincible, no weaknesses. And everyone will die, to boot. No more of this happy ending stuff. We need to show what would REALLY happen when the aliens arrive.

  15. Invader_Stu says:

    Latinastar – Yep I am ginger but I lost my freckles while growing up.

    Alan – Maybe they were Power Ranger fans.

    dan fef – Makes me wish I was an alien

    Tobias – I’ll never forget the English characters soldiers in Independence Day. “Thank god. It’s the Americans.”

    Whitney Davis – Did they win in Invasion of the Body Snatchers? I can’t remember.

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