“Have you heard this song before?” My wife asks as she turns up the radio a little for me to hear the lyrics. “It’s so weird.”

“No, I’ve… Wait… What’s he singing?”

“I’d catch a grenade for ya.”

“Really? Wow. Why?”

“I don’t know but it sounds like a nice song until you listen to the lyrics. Then it just gets creepy.”

“Why would he… Oh my god! What was that one? I’d jump in front of a train for ya? Take a bullet straight through my brain?” I say, repeating the words I have just heard. “Under what normal daily circumstances does he expect he would need to do all this?”

A few moments later we have pulled into a petrol station and are crowded around the car radio, analyzing the lyrics.

“For the sake of argument, if we said he was catching grenades and taking bullets to save the one he loves I still fail to see how jumping in front of a train would accomplish anything. At that point he really is just committing suicide.”

“And then complaining that she won’t do the same for him.” My wife adds.

“Yeah. Maybe he just really desires a girlfriend who lacks even the most basic of self preservation and survival skills. I think he should lower his expectations a little. He needs to come up with some more reasonable and realistic things to do for love, stuff like; I’d make a midnight snack for ya. Put the toilet seat down for ya.”

“You are such a romantic.”

“Wait… What was that one? I’d throw my head on a plane for ya?”

“No. I think it’s put my head on a plate for ya.”

“Well that’s just stupid. How is that going to help anything?”

(We later found out the line was in fact; I’d throw my hands on a blade for ya… which is still stupid.)

“He sounds a bit stalker-ish if you ask me,” I inform my wife “I bet he is the weird silent one at the office. I bet you it’s three in the morning and he’s just suddenly shown up on the doorstep of a girl from accounting who he’s never spoken to and started singing this stuff.”

“Are you trying to say you would not catch a grenade for me?”

“Er… well…”

“I’d catch a grenade for you.”


“I’d throw it away again quickly of course. I’m not stupid.”

“I would hope not.”

22 responses to “Grenade!”

  1. Peter More says:

    I have a picture of young Bruno Mars rushing ecstatically up to his girlfriend’s side and saying, “Hey, baby, look what I caught for you!”

  2. Alison says:

    Now I’ve got that first-season Flight of the Conchords scene in my head of Bret writing silly things he’d do for Coco and Jemaine calling him on it.

    I love your wife’s pragmatic approach to grenade handling. :)

  3. I’m all for more practical items – making midnight snacks, mixing martinis and writing blog posts for ya … the only way I’d catch a grenade would be if it’s made of chocolate :-)

  4. Aledys Ver says:

    Crazy song!! :D
    What a relief to know that you have a loving wife by your side, willing to catch a grenade for you… and then throw it immediately far away! :D

  5. Keith says:

    “Passing the grenade”, sounds like a Belfast pub game.

  6. Peter More says:

    Thanks for introducing it to me…

  7. Breigh says:

    Yeah I never understood those lyrics either. I like your ideas better… there are lots of times I’d want the seat down, at least 3-4 times a day. How often would he need to catch a granade? Although, it DOES only take once… Hrmm I’m torn!

  8. Michelangelo says:

    I’ve told him several times on Twitter that he should go and actually do it. That’d put an end to my ears’ suffering. It’s not only this song… ALL his songs are pretty pointless and plain shallow and stupid.

  9. julia says:

    According to my daughter, this song is played every morning during morning announcements. If it is turned off before the end of a line, the students sing the end while the teacher waits patiently. Now that’s weird.

  10. dragonlady says:

    Its a bit like when someone exibits a pile of bricks and calls it art, everyone says how great it is because they don’t want to appear as if there not with it. Whats your take on the emporers new clothes then.

  11. Anneke says:

    :) There is a facebook page asking Bruno who the hell this girl is that she keeps getting all these granates thrown at her. Mayeb he should not be dating someone who is so deep in organised crime.

  12. Efrutik says:

    LMAO! I thoroughly chuckled right after reading this post.

    On a serious, I was thinking the same things (and I have a feeling many people do when they listen to the lyrics actually) about the strangeness of the lyrics. But then that thinking disappears b/c the song is supposed to be romantic??? BTW what do you think of the video. I don’t get the piano thing whatsoever.

    And thank goodness you are smart, lol.

  13. suus says:

    It’s catchy and get’s attention = “Artist succes”

  14. Invader Stu says:

    Peter More – I can imagine that too. I wonder how many girlfriends he went through that way.

    Alison – That’s also what came to mind as we were talking about it :) I tried to find that clip on youtube to link to but I’ve not found it yet.

    Unexpected Traveller – If it was a chocolate grenade I’d fight my wife for it.

    Aledys Ver – I really do hope she will throw it away if she is by my side when she catches it.

    Keith – I think I’ll stick with darts.

    Breigh – If you rig a grenade to the toilet seat he would learn quick.

    Michelangelo – I agree. Words are easy. It’s actions that count. He should prove he is willing to do all the stuff he says.

    Julia – What kind of school does she go to? Is it run by a cult?

    Dragonlady – I bet he gets a good tan.

    Anneke – or he’s attempting speed dating on a battlefield.

    Efrutik – I only saw the video after I finished writing this post. It’s such a boring video and it’s so dumb. From his face as he is dragging the thing he knows what is going on so why drag it all the way there? He’s not that bright.

    Suus – It’s a shame ‘good’does not seem to fit any where in the maths.

  15. julia says:

    public school….I’m sure not one teacher has really listened to the lyrics.

  16. French Bean says:

    ROFL!!! You married one smart cookie, Stu.

    If anything, this guy sounds like the main character in a video game who needs to find a video game girlfriend that will accompany him in the difficult levels of grenade-catching and blade-grabbing. :-P

    Have you seen the Barely Political parody of this song?

  17. dragonlady says:

    Have just watched the Barely Political parady , now that is funny. And yes the tune is very catchy.

  18. Invader Stu says:

    Julia – I guess not.

    French Bean and Dragonlady – Hehe. That version is much better.

  19. says:

    I must confess that when it comes to keeping on top of the latest hit (or wannabe hit) songs, I seem to have lost the bubble. When I read the first line, I thought you were kidding! First I was incredulous, then I was trying to figure out whether it constituted metaphorical poetry (long story, from an earlier conversation I’d had), but eventually defaulted back to the basic ‘why?’ Why do people write lyrics like this? Why?

    (Then I thought of all the great songs I love that have absolutely stupid lyrics ‘I am the Walrus, koo koo kachoo’ etc. and decided not to enter the fray!) Sigh, boy I feel old.

  20. Invader Stu says:

    Linda – I missed it at first as well. Everything I have found about the song says 2010 but I’ve only just started hearing it on the radio.

  21. Heather says:

    Hehe, Danny and I had almost the same conversation about this song, especially the “And then complaining that she won’t do the same for him.” part. :)

  22. A Grenade Lost in Translation « Adventures in Expat Land says:

    […] Stu of Invading Holland had written the great post Granate! about this very […]

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