Dreadfully Dutch Fake Facts – Part 2

1) The original spelling of ‘Netherlands’ had to be changed in 1834 when the country was almost sued for infringement of copy write law by the inhabitants of Neverland.

2) Contrary to popular belief The Netherlands only has one canal. It’s just very long and weaves its way around the entire country in a very complex manner.

3)The Netherlands also used to have hills until they used them all to fill in the watery bits.

4) More bicycles can be found at the bottom of the Dutch canals than there can be found on the streets (this one could be true).

5) Dutch windmills don’t harness wind. They create it for the rest of us.

6) Queen’s Day is not the celebration of the Queen’s birthday. It’s the celebration of men who like to put on pretty dresses and wear makeup.

7)The Dutch are responsible for the extinction of the dinosaurs. It was the building of the first early prehistoric dykes that destroyed the dinosaurs natural environment and led to their demise. Even recently a dead tyrannosaurus-rex was discovered floating face down in an Amsterdam canal by a tour boat captain. The Dutch are also responsible for the extinction of mermaids, The Kraken and The Lost City of Atlantis.

8) Every time a Dutch person visits Germany on holiday they steal a bike back.

9)The Dutch don’t add mayonnaise to food. They add food to mayonnaise.

10)At the reading of a will most Dutch people are more concerned about who inherits Grandma’s bicycle then who inherits the family fortune.

11) The Dutch love it when you tell them that you visited the Netherlands but really only mean Amsterdam. Even the Dutch agree that when you have seen Amsterdam you have seen everything the country has to offer. In fact, there are plans to re-name the whole country to Amsterdam.

Want to read more Dreadfully Dutch Fake Facts? Check out Part 3 of this list.

#DreadfullyDutchFakeFacts

18 responses to “Dreadfully Dutch Fake Facts – Part 2”

  1. Dave2 says:

    And… my Dutch ancestry is showing. I have ALWAYS added food to mayonnaise! Fries/Chips/Patatjes are merely an excuse to consume mass quantities of its creamy deliciousness!

  2. Breigh says:

    haha omg before I moved here I totally would have fallen for half of those.

  3. Riayn says:

    As an expat living in Germany, this one – ‘Every time a Dutch person visits Germany on holiday they steal a bike back.’ made my day! :)

  4. Alison says:

    According to tweets I’ve seen made by the Dutch Tourism Board, I think the last one has already come true.

    Mmmmm. Mayonnaise! I’m completely assimilated on that front!

  5. dragonlady says:

    I love the cartoon.

  6. Jason says:

    I think a few of these may be closer to the truth than lies! I think “mayo met patat” is a more accurate name than “patat met mayo”

  7. Aledys Ver says:

    I confess I was curious to see what Alison would say about the last point on the list :D
    Hilarious, as usual!!!

  8. Heather says:

    “Every time a Dutch person visits Germany on holiday they steal a bike back.”

    We made sure to bring back several when we were there in December. We then promptly threw half in ‘the’ canal. :)

  9. Jules says:

    I wonder if that’s where all of Karel’s bikes end up…he’s never been able to keep a bike for 12 months (his record is 8). Damn Germans…

  10. Bertie says:

    Yes it is all true, that’s why I left NL to live in the UK, which is not much better actually:))
    I threw my bike in the canal before I left, we drive Chelsea Tractors here! Do Kroketten and Bamiballen still exist?? yummy food, but mayo can be come extinct as far as I’m concerned .)
    O yes keep your finger(s) stuck in the NL dykes, or you will drown, that might happen anyway in 50 years time when the sea gets ye!!

  11. Heidi says:

    I love the little cartoon in this entry.

  12. French Bean says:

    Heh heh. An American buddy of mine recently went to Amsterdam (to pay a visit to the coffee shops…ahem), and he was informed that there were quite a number of bicycles sitting at the bottom of the one, single complex Dutch canal. Like, thousands are pulled out every year.

    And food in mayo? Sounds like haute cuisine to me! :-D

    Now, on a more serious note (and this may sound like a stupid question)…is it possible to find a coffee shop in Holland that actually sells coffee? Would you find coffee in the bars, perhaps? I would like to plan a visit someday, and I probably would undergo a horrid caffeine withdrawal if I all I could see on the menu was anything BUT coffee. :-P

  13. Wezz6400 says:

    Very nice. But I can’t help but wonder… Dressed up like a girl, a rose in the hand (that can’t end well…) and signs of a visit to a match by the Dutch team gone horrible wrong… What’s the story there? ;-)

  14. Invader Stu says:

    Dave2 – I’d say that makes you very Dutch.

    Breigh – I like to trick new arrivals with them. Oh… some of the stories I have told new people in the office :p

    Riayn – Are there any bikes left in Germany?

    Alison – I guess they gave into the pressure.

    Heidi & Dragonlady – Thank you

    Jason – Even I could be fooled that some of them are true… and I made them up.

    Heather – What did you do with the other half?

    Jules – I think Heather has some spare ones he could have :p

    Bertie – I don’t know about Bamiballen but we still have Kroketten.

    French Bean – Fear not. There are indeed none coffee shop-coffee shops… wait, that did not come out right. I mean there are places that sell just the drinkable coffee. If you ask anyone here were you can find a coffee shop they will most likely think you a tourist and point you in the direction of a ‘brown cafe’ (the other name for the smoking none coffee drink coffee shops) but if you add that you are looking for one that actually sells coffee they will be able to point you to a place that won’t get you high. Off the top of my head we have the ‘Coffee Company’, some other places and one Starbucks (in the train station. Amazingly Starbucks has not taken over here). Hhhmmm… you might have just given me an idea for a blog post.

    Wezz6400 – It… it just makes me feel pritty, ok. I won’t be judged….

  15. Keith says:

    I don’t know what books you got those facts from, but you would get better info from the “Beano Annual” and “The Dandy” annual!

    Have you ever read “Der deutsche Radfahrer Leitfaden für Touren in den Niederlanden”?

    Amazing book, with an illustrated section on how to steal Dutch bikes.

  16. Invader_Stu says:

    Keith – How did you know where I got my info?

  17. Anke says:

    “The Dutch love it when you tell them that you visited the Netherlands but really only mean Amsterdam. Even the Dutch agree that when you have seen Amsterdam you have seen everything the country has to offer. In fact, there are plans to re-name the whole country to Amsterdam.”

    I agree.. this is what I hear all the time.. Well actually what I hear when i say I’m from the Netherlands is: 1) Where is that? (I explain) 2) Ahh is that a part of Holland? (I explain again) 3) So you live in Amsterdam (I explain.. no I live far far away) 4) Do you smoke weed… (I stop explaining at this point). I like Amsterdam just fine.. but I’m not from there.. or from Holland! :)

  18. Ha you saw the program of arjen lubach about Amsterdam. ☺ come to delft, the Hague or dordrecht. They are also beautiful

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