Awfully British Fake Facts – Part 3

1) The English are only polite to hide the terrible secret they keep.

2) Contrary to popular belief the English did not invent the English language. They simply found it in a book one day.

3) The English have very strict rules about queuing. Anyone who is caught breaking those rules is held in the tower of London indefinitely.

4) No one knows where the Thames River came from. It simply appeared over night in 1972.

5) It is always raining in England. Any photo you have seen to the contrary has been altered in photoshop.

6) Downton Abbey is an accurate depiction of modern day England.

7) Everyone in England must wear bowler hats. It is the law.

8) The English don’t need to spell things differently. They just like to annoy the Americans.

9) If an Englishman ever offers you the last biscuit do not take it. It is a test and if you take it you will fail.

10) If an Englishman ever turns something down out of politeness it is secretly the thing they desire the most.

11) The easiest way to trap two Englishman in one location is to present them with an open door. They will become stuck in a politeness loop as they take turns in saying, “No. I insist. After you.”

12) Tea is a highly addictive drug. The English don’t actually like drinking it but they can’t kick the habit either.

13) And most importantly of all; none of which you have just read is the terrible secret which the English hide behind their politeness.

Want to read some fake facts about the Dutch? Check out the list of Dreadfully Dutch Fake Facts.


4 responses to “Awfully British Fake Facts – Part 3”

  1. Alison says:

    The lie is that these are all lies. They’re true! All true! :)

  2. #8: Yes, particularly “Abbey” and “bowler.” :P

    #9: But what if I want to see the Englishman’s inner Bilbo be unleashed?!

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