I am holding your summer captive. If you ever want to see it again you will meet with my demands. If my demands are not met you will never get to wear that new bikini you just bought to the beach. I know you are Dutch and will most likely go to the beach in the freezing cold anyway but you know what I mean.
To prove to you that I am serious I have enclosed ten minutes of partly sunny weather between out bursts of rain, just enough to make you think wearing shorts was a good idea this morning.
Now that I have your attention my demands are as follows:
1) My own windmill.
2) A canal named after me.
3) A lifetime’s supply of Speculoos.
4) Tea to be served as god intended, with milk and sugar.
5) A pair of clogs (size 41).
6) My upstairs neighbours to stop having loud noisy ‘intimate time’.
7) A very large wheels of cheese.
An address for a drop of point will be sent later.
Do not call the cops. If I see any cops your summer will become a victim of ‘global warming’ if you know what I mean and that large amount of money you just spent on that air conditioning installation will become a very poor investment indeed.