Cultural Exchange – Part 1

Cultural Exchange

When I first moved to Holland I quickly realized there were a few things that were done differently from my homeland. These were things I had to get used to. Such as; Dutch coffee shops are not the best place to buy coffee unless you want to order a Triple Latte Cannabis Espresso.

During the years I have lived in the country I’ve been witness to Dutch innovations and ideas that might benefit Briton. It is for this reason that I would like to propose the following list of ideas to the British Government. However, I will not be suggesting Starbucks starts selling Cannabis (no matter how much it might increase their profits).

1) Britain could increase its landmass by utilizing the Dutch technique for reclaiming land from the sea. This would make it possible to expand outwards through the surrounding waters and solve the over population problem. As a test The Isle of White (to the South) could be connected with the rest of Briton first. However, if this is successful a great deal of care will have to be taken when re-naming the newly combined island. Simply putting the two names together (Isle of White + Briton) could lead to a very bad misunderstanding.

In the second phase of expansion Ireland could be connected. Then in the third phase Britain could physically become a part of Europe, connecting along the edges of The Netherlands and Belgium (but probably avoiding France). Even after this it is most likely that the British public would still refuse to give up the British pound in favorer of the Euro.

2) Britain could also follow Holland’s example and try exporting cheese and tulips instead of the casual violence and binge drinking it currently exports to holiday destinations and football matches around the world. An extra benefit from this would be that the British government would no longer need to apologize for the actions its tourists.

3) Soho and the Red Light District could set up a work exchange program to learn from each other and combine their knowledge.

4) Education could be improved by following Holland’s example in a way that would also bring our two countries closer together. A lot of Dutch children learned to speak English by watching re-runs of the A-Team. British children could expand their language skills and cultural understanding in a similar way by watching repeats of Flodder.

5) The traffic problems in major British cities could improve with the addition of canal networks. Public transport barges would reduce the over crowding on The London Underground particularly. This would also require that the famous catchphrase, “Mind the gap,” is replaced with, “Mind the murky water and what ever you do, for the love of god, don’t drink it.”

Hopefully Tony Blair will take these ideas into consideration.

20 responses to “Cultural Exchange – Part 1”

  1. Tenakalaz says:

    Vla should be given away free to school children as well.

  2. BlondebutBright says:

    You are such a politician! I think you’ve found your calling. Time to quit your day job.

  3. roxanne says:

    I pity the fool that doesn’t listen to Stu!

  4. Invader Stu says:

    Tenakalaz – It might be better then milk.

    BlondebutBright – My powers of deduction detect a slight tone of sarcasm :p Wait till you see what I have in mind for Holland to take from Briton.

    Roxanne – Don’t take this the wrong way but I just imagined you with Mr T’s voice.

  5. VallyP says:

    Way to go Stu. I like the idea of opening up canal transport…but then I would ;-)

  6. Tess says:

    Personally I think you just want to be closer to ‘home’…but it’s a brilliant idea, I wouldn’t mind a bit of a backyard with windmills and the average garden gnome :9 ‘Flodder…’ that really cracked me up!

  7. BlondebutBright says:

    Sarcasm? But I’m never sarcastic!

    I especially like that goofy grin on your face while you’re holding the tulip. Although the hat does not look familiar.

  8. Dragon lady says:

    Excuse my ignorance Tenakalaz but what is Vla and why should it be given to our school children. Mind you I know quite a few who need to be given something but we’re not allowed.

  9. Invader Stu says:

    VallyP – I had a feeling you would like it

    Tess – I put Flodder in as a joke for all the Dutch readers :)

    BlondebutBright – Oh yeah. I forgot its BlondbutCynical :p
    The hat is one of the old Dutch hats that women used to wear…..

    Dragon lady – I’ll let Tenakalaz answer that one :)

  10. Jake says:

    Your concept of a work exchange between Soho and the red light district is interesting, though does the red light district really want to improve its provision of the seedy cocktail that is shite Chinese food, twats from the city, tourists from the sticks, and the sweet smell of urine in the gutter?

  11. Ash says:

    Ahhhhh England is taking over the world!!!!!

    Oh wait, they already did that…

    …but then we all claimed our own countries (kind of).


  12. Alan says:

    You’ve had the misfortune of being tagged by me.

    These late night cricket viewings are killing me!

  13. Jodie says:

    Hahahaha, some brilliant suggestions there stu… Although I think the english would be very scared of driving in Holland where you have to qualify as a star nascar driver before they let you onto the roads without supervision ;)

  14. Invader Stu says:

    Jake – You’ve not been to the Red Light District have you?

    Ash – Why do you think I am starting this new invasion. The English Empire will rule once again.

    Alan – Thanks. I don’t know if I will get around to doing though to be honest. I don’t normally do memes.

    Jodie – Don’t forget the bikes where you have to be a Tour De France stunt racer.

  15. Tenakalaz says:

    Oh dragonlady, you must discover the custardy goodness of vla, Stu has neglected you in your previous visits.

  16. ChickyBabe says:

    Vote 1 for Stu?!

    The comic is brilliant in this piece! Well done :).

  17. Invader Stu says:

    Chris – I have too many projects going at the moment so I’m sorry to say I don’t think I will have time to help.

    Tenakalaz – Are you trying to get me in trouble?

    ChickyBabe – Thanks

  18. Joe says:

    Hmm, i think i’ve found a solution to the isle of white + briton problem: Isle of United Ethnically Diverse Peoples. Political Correctness is such a wonder, isn’t it? Loving the comic mate!

  19. Dragon lady says:

    Apparently my lack of knowledge about Vla is down to you according to Tenakalaz.Going by his rather cryptic answer I’m not sure if its something to eat or something your Dad would rather not know about. Mind you if it is something to eat he probably wouldn’t want to know either.

  20. Invader Stu says:

    Vla is a kind of custard that come sin milk cartoons. It comes in quite a lot of different flavors.

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