Random Accidents and Acts of Stupidity

So far in my life I have super glued my fingers together on more then ten separate occasions.

I have also super glued my fingers to other random objects no less then three times. One was the tube of superglue itself.

I’ve fallen into two canals on two separate occasions but neither of them where in Holland.

I found out the hard way that the sugar supplement in sugar free wine gums can acts as a laxative if eaten in large quantities.

I once decided that the best way to demonstrate to my parents what I wanted to be when I grew up was to climb onto the sofa and jump as high and as far as I could while shouting, “Look at me. I’m a stuntman.” This might have been the start of a successful career if it had not been for the glass of water that I had left on the floor while watching cartoons a few moments earlier. My parents had the fun job of pulling the bits of glass out of my leg.

I once spent four hours trapped in a lift in a deserted building with no contact to the outside world under the impression that I would be there for the whole weekend (Full story).

I have only broken one bone in my body. However, I did spend eight hours lost and drunk in Holland walking around on it with out a clue that my ankle was broken (Full story).

Most of my fingers have been slammed in a door at some point in my life apart from my left thumb. That was just nearly bitten off by a donkey when I was a toddler.

I once set fire to a table in a fondue café in Amsterdam by spilling the oil burner used to melt the cheese over it. I had to get the waiters help to put it out before I was officially labelled as either the arsonist or the idiot who burnt the whole place down.

I lost part of a tooth during a game of tag at school by turning a corner too quickly, running straight into another student and smashing my mouth into the top of their head. The missing part of my tooth might still be stuck in his scalp. It seemed rude to ask for it back.

As a child I managed to give myself concussion while chasing my great grandmother’s dog around the house. The K9 obviously had a better sense of spatial awareness then me because he was able to successfully run through the door into the living room. I on the other hand ran directly into the door frame and knocked myself out.

Amazingly I am still alive and in possession of all my original body parts.

19 responses to “Random Accidents and Acts of Stupidity”

  1. Aisling says:

    Wow, you’re accident prone, and awesome! :P

  2. tenakalaz says:

    Thats why the place we live in has been declared and official disaster zone… what with my inate ability to injure myself and Stuarts clumsyness…. its like the bermuda triangle.

  3. Ana Luisa says:

    Wow, and here I was thinking that Murphy wouldn’t leave ME alone…

  4. Tess says:

    Am I safe here in London or should I seriously consider hiding when you’re around? :9

  5. sophie says:

    i understand you so well, and feel comforted with the idea of a clumsy-people-group. we could coach and defend each others…

  6. VallyP says:

    You might be in posession of your body parys Stu, but I have serious doubts about your other faculties….or sense ;-)

    You need to start up a new AA support group, but this time A is for Accidents…lol.
    Look after yourself, Stu, we’d hate to lose you now!

  7. Eric Boltjes says:

    I once fell 35 feet down out of a tree because I was standing on one of the top branches yelling “Hey look at me, I can boun-…” and broke my ankle?

  8. JaG says:

    That IS amazing!

  9. ChickyBabe says:

    That explains it. You’re a cat!

  10. Invader Stu says:

    Aisling – thank you

    Tenakalaz – We could form a very strange super hero team.

    Ana Luisa – Bha. don’t talk to me about Murphy. He based his law on me but never gave me any credit.

    Tess – Play it safe. Get life insurance next time I visit.

    Sophie – All of us in the same room together? Are you sure that is safe? Who know what might go wrong.

    VallyP – No one would make it to the meeting. they would have all broken something on the way.

    Eric Boltjes – Ouch. Another career as a stuntman comes to an end.

    JaG – Hehe. Thanks.

    ChickyBabe – Meow?

  11. zed says:

    I’ve had a few accidents in my life too – stay away from belgium!

  12. Aisling says:

    Think of how much trouble you could get into in Canada! For one, it’s WAY bigger…

  13. Invader Stu says:

    Zed – I’ve been to Belgium a few times so maybe I coursed a few of those accidents.

    Aisling – It would most likely be something messy involving a frozen lake and a dead moose.

  14. Manictastic says:

    You are so cool! How many people do that much dumb things and life to tell us about it.

    Note to friends of Stu, always carry cell phone with cam when walking around with him, he might get high ratings on Youtube!

  15. Dragon Lady says:

    You forgot the time you were learning to walk and fell over hitting your mouth on the coffee table and put your tooth through your lip. Blood every where. When we got you to the hospital the lady doctor nearly called social services because she didn’t believe you had fell. Also the time your friend shut your thumb (it may have been the left one) in his street door and took the top off. Luckily the hospital was able to stick it back on. You started your career at a very early age.

  16. Jake says:

    Stu – you forgot to mention that you managed to spill those pots of unspillable paint (TM) at college. Oh, and the time that you jumped into the lighting scaffold while demonstrating the magic of 3D lighting.

    And the exploding can of spraypaint.

    Need I go on?

    However, thanks to you, my accidents with the electrical socket, the industrial sander and my fingers seem quite tame.

  17. Emiel says:

    Isn’t there some sort of support group for this? The AA? (Accidents Anonymous) Admitting you have a problem is the first step in the healing process ;-)

  18. Invader Stu says:

    Manictastic – Thanks… I think

    Dragon Lady – And there was the time you found me face down in a pond as a child…. I really am lucky to be alive.

    Jake – I’ve already written about those in my college post :)

    Emiel – Do you really want that amount of accident prone people in one room?

  19. ChickyBabe says:

    Purrr.

    (You asked for it! :P)

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