Tales From the Red Light District – Red Light Party

If anyone ever told you that they started their weekend by going down to Amsterdam’s red light district you might get a very strange impression of how they spend their Friday nights. There is a natural association that comes with a statement like that. So if I told you that last Friday night I was walking through the famous sex industry area myself with a case of beer under one arm you might think this is about to turn into the kind of bizarre story you don’t want your children to read. However you would be wrong.

I was in fact on my way to a normal house warming party that just happened to be in the red light district. One of my friends had recently moved to an apartment that over looked the area and had decided to throw a large party.

The location was an interesting conversation point and the apartment’s large floor to ceiling windows gave great amusement as party members took it in turns to strike sexy poses in view of passers by on the street below. Those who noticed gave us strange looks that were either puzzlement due to the weird sight that greeted them or a curiosity about how much we cost per hour.

The house was also just across the road from one of the red light districts famous live sex shows where tourists can watch two people on stage getting very friendly with each other. Any awkward silence at the party was suddenly interrupted by a loud announcement of, “live shagging,” as the doorman outside tried to tempt another group of passing English tourists inside. Anyone who did not realize the voice was coming from the open window might have received the wrong impression of the party and got worried or started searching rooms excitedly when they heard the voice suddenly announce, “girl on girl action.”

It was a fun party but as the night went on the worst thing that can happen at a party eventually transpired. The alcohol supply started to run low. People were visibly worried (and drunk). The party was in danger of coming to a slow dying end. Drastic action had to be taken so a friend and I took it upon ourselves to bravely stumble into the outside world and search the red light district for more alcohol based supplies. It was not an easy task but eventually after much hunting we found a place that would sell us what we required. We returned to the party victorious and triumphant. Everyone was happy. Everyone was inebriated. We had saved the party. We were heroes.

At least we were for the short moment it took everyone else to realize what we had not. We had just bought non-alcoholic beer.

Read about the time I almost ended up on stage at The Banana Bar in:
Tales From the Red Light District – Almost On Stage At The Banana Bar

31 responses to “Tales From the Red Light District – Red Light Party”

  1. VallyP says:

    One peed off group of party goers I would imagine – when they realised their high was not the result of refreshed alcohol levels that is, but just high spirits…lol. Is what Tenakalaz says true? If it is, then it’s one of the other strange paradoxes that this country has so many of.

  2. Joe says:

    Haha, oh dear. Better luck next time eh? Lesson learned i hope, bring extra next time!. you should of asked the people opposite if they had any.

  3. VallyP says:

    PS. Why is it some people’s profile pics show and otheres don’t Stu? Not that I mind…just curious that I am reduced to a Gravatar symbol ;-)

  4. Tess says:

    Did you realise that in that area, there’s an alcohol restriction? Due to the homeless, drug addicts and other inhabitants and dwellers, so that is probably the reason why you couldn’t get it… I’ve worked as a system operator for the Waag at the Nieuw Markt that’s how I found out.

  5. BlondebutBright says:

    I read about an alcohol delivery service that operates in Amsterdam – Amsterdam Weekly had a feature about these guys a few weeks ago. They deliver anything and everything at any time. Of course, I have no idea what they’re called or how to reach them, but they do exist! Might come in handy next time. :)

  6. marycub says:

    non-alcoholic beer?? Aaagh you blasphemed!

    They need to write non-alcoholic on those types of “beers” in very big letters because when i worked at threshers hundreds of people did that very thing – and they weren’t even sloshed!

  7. Jodie says:

    Tsk tsk Stu, all clogland dwellers know that house warming parties involve large amounts of beer guzzling… its necessary to stave off the sitting-in-a-circle-looking-awkward syndrome! Your host should have gone to the local Albert Heijn and bought up every crate of Hertog Jan (or if all else fails Heineken) he could find!!

  8. Oli says:

    Hehe Amsterdam is one place i want to go!

    And make it so i can resize your comments box dammnit, its not very work friendly =p

  9. Jodie says:

    Ai carumba, thats a kiss of death that, the “Bring your own” do’s, ‘cos nobody ever brings as much as they actually want to drink and as you mentioned, there are always those who don’t bring anything and then guzzle everyone elses :)

    Live in this country long enough and he will learn the errors of his ways :)

    PS on the gravatar issue. I made myself a lovely gravatar and its still not showing. I think the issue is on their side.

  10. Jodie says:

    I can see it… but no one else has one… apparently you are special ;)

  11. Tenakalaz says:

    Amsterdam, you can get laid, Weed and probably Cocaine at any time of day or night. But to buy beer containing alcohol after 3 am is almost impossible.. such an interesting concept

  12. Tenakalaz says:

    hmmmm, mine is not working either, :( (or maybe with this post it will ?

  13. ellen says:

    Funny story, great punchline.

  14. Melissa says:

    If you were drunk enough to buy non-alcoholic beer, you probably didn’t need anymore anyways. But I suppose you could argue that there is no such thing as not needing anymore beer…

  15. Stu says:

    I’ll have to look into the problem with Gravatar images. They should work if you have one. The plug-in I installed is set up to show them. I thought a lot of people were getting the default image because they did not have one of their own. I’ll see what I can find out.

    Tenakalaz – Yes. You can do all the hard drugs you want but god forbid if you want to drink some beer.

    VallyP – The host later told me he found a lot of them open but still full when he started the post party clean up. Tenakalaz is right as well.

    Joe – I will be reading the cans very carefully next time… if I can still see straight.

    Tess – That would make a lot of sense now you mention it.

    BlondebutBright – I’ve heard of them as well. They are called beer taxis but the party was not easy to get to by car.

    Marycub – The guy must have been able to tell from how tipsy we already were that we did not want none-alcoholic beer. We were cheated.

  16. Stu says:

    Jodie – To be fair it was not his fault. It was a bring your own party and a lot of people didn’t….. what am I say. He should have been ready for the emergency.

    Oil – It’s a place everyone should go at least once.

  17. Stu says:

    I hope he learns before his next party :)

  18. Stu says:

    On the Gravatar subject: I think Jodie is right. Images that where working the other day for other users have suddenly stopped working. Sadly they have no help forum at the moment but I will continue to see if I can find anything out. Out of curiosity, can anyone else see my Gravatar? It seems to be the only one working now on my screen.

  19. Ash says:

    Heineken is from Holland, isn’t it?? Why not go straight to the source???

  20. Tess says:

    Ash- Heineken is cat piss! Really! ;) Grolsch is better [I wonder how you guys pronounce that *evil grin*] Stu did you get the files?

  21. Tamara says:

    Hey Stu!
    I’m loving the new site and all the extra info. Still, I’ll be coming back primarily for your hilarious stories. They’re always great to start of the day with. I changed the link in my blogroll, but uhm, is there any chance you might one day return the favor..?

  22. Emiel says:

    You can avoid this problem of non-alcoholic beer in the future by buying wine instead. Non-alcoholic wine is generally known as “grapejuice” and, no matter how drunk you are, you’ll be able to tell the difference. (Won’t you? You’re accident prone, so who knows…)
    I’ll stop being all reasonable now.

  23. roxanne says:

    Oh the horror! I remember getting to drink “Near Beer” when I was a kid. It was some of the nastiest tasting stuff, but I was thrilled to be drinking a replica of an adult beverage.

    Sounds like a fun party. Wish I could have seen you through the window. How entertaining!

  24. ChickyBabe says:

    “It was not an easy task but eventually after much hunting we found a place that would sell us what we required.”

    – Is there a double entendre here?? :P

  25. Elle says:

    Us Dutchies are cheapskates – hugely embarrassing really but we manage to sell it to ourselves as ‘practical’. Nasty nasty habit….

    I used to live in the red light district – for the record as a student flatsharing, not as window girl – and at that time you could still buy alcohol, together with girls and drugs of course. They changed that because of the bloody foreigners would couldn’t handle their drink.

    Just have a guess which were the worst offenders…

    Funny twist that….

  26. Stu says:

    I’ve turned off Gravatar for now until I can find out why they are not all displaying

    Ash – It’s a good idea but Tess is right

    Tess – Yeah. Thanks. I’ve not had much free time lately I’ll put them into use today.

    Roxanne – How much would you offer?

    Emiel – I hope I would be able to tell but you never know.

    ChickyBabe – Trust you to ask that :p

  27. Alan says:

    On my two recent trips to Amsterdam prior to moving here, I stayed in the redlight district. I think the most annoying thing about the place (apart from not being able to get booze after hours, of course), is being constantly accosted by posses of men trying to sell you drugs. I felt like swatting them. Still do when I’m in that part of town at night

  28. roxanne says:

    A case of non-alcoholic beer. :P

  29. Invader Stu says:

    Elle – No they just ‘can’t handle their drink’ over the rest of Amsterdam.

    Alan – I’ve noticed that in that part of town everyone seems to think my name is Charlie. It’s nice that they want to be friendly but they could at least get my name right.

    Roxanne – People from the party still remond me of it.

  30. Wormbrain1 says:

    An innocent mistake, but you should feel lucky to be alive.

    Where I come from it’s better to show up empty-handed than with non-alcoholic beer.

  31. Invader Stu says:

    Sounds like you go to some tough parties

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