The Speculoos Invasion

Shocked Englishman Cartoon

During my recent return visit to England I made a shocking discovery.

I was simply trying to enjoy some time off work and a chance to catch up with friends and family. I certainly was not attempting to uncover any dark or sinister secret but I found one anyway while looking through the cupboards in my parent’s kitchen. It’s not the kind of place you usually expect to make earth shattering discoveries but there it was, impossible to ignore, nestled between a jar of strawberry jam and peanut butter spread. I had been quite unprepared to encounter it.

A jar of Caramelized Biscuit Spread…

English Speculoos

At least that is what the label said but I knew what it really was. They might have changed the name but there was no mistaking its true identity. It seems that the highly addictive substance known as ‘Speculoos Sandwich Spread’ has found its way across the border and infiltrated my home country of England.

I can only assume that the name change was how it was able to enter the country un-noticed in such large quantities. It was a smart move. Although I am surprised that it worked since it is essentially like rebranding ‘cocaine’ as ‘harmless white powder’ so that it can be sold in the local super market.

I tried to raise the alarm with the local authorities but my warnings fell upon deaf ears (maybe they were already addicted). There was nothing I could do. No one would listen. I fear it will not be long before the whole of England is addicted. There may be no stopping it.

And then what will happen next? Is it only a matter of time before English shops start selling Hagelslag? Knapperige Hagels? Stroopwafels? Where will it end?

33 responses to “The Speculoos Invasion”

  1. Alison says:

    Just give in. Embrace the speculoos overlords.

  2. Susan Heitinga says:

    Technically Stroopwafels are on sale in the UK, if you go into starbucks they have ‘caramel wafels’. They don’t have the same spices in them but they are a decent replacement if you are really missing Stroopwafels and are home in the UK (like when I return to N.Ireland)

    • Invader Stu says:

      The it has already started. I’m sure they are slowly adding the spice over time until no one notices and then it is too late.

  3. Anne-Mette says:

    Untill they start selling rauwe herring met uitjes, I wouldn’t worry. England is safe ;)

  4. Anne Marie says:

    I had never tried this speculoos spread thing before, but you keep posting about it. I was going to block your website as the temptation to try it grew, but I told myself I would keep ignoring it on the shelf at Albert Heijn. Helaas, this weekend I gave into temptation and bought a jar. THANKS A LOT!!!! My son and I polished off the jar, spoonful by spoonful by the next morning. It never even got near a slice of bread. Now we have to deal with addiction recovery. X-(

    • Invader Stu says:

      I am so sorry. It seems my attempts to warn people has backfired and gotten more even more people addicted instead. I apologise to you and your son. Stay strong. One day you will be able to break the addiction.

  5. Rob says:

    Google “cookie butter” for the US…

    Just how deep does this rabbit hole go?

  6. It’s not like I didn’t warn you. You should have been prepared. And now excuse me but where’s my jar of Speculoos?

  7. dragonlady says:

    AnneMette we already have pickled herrings but I’m not sure about the “with onion”
    Does that count? They don’t cook them before they pickle them.
    Stuart, you didn’t look in the bottom cupboard did you. That’s were we keep the Speculoos biscuits craftily renamed caramelized biscuits.

  8. Terri says:

    So, I was visiting my sister in the Pacific Northwest a few weeks ago. I’m wandering down the aisle of a local specialty food store when what do I see? I stop and stare in total disbelief! An entire display of Speculoos, both crunchy and plain!! I’m halfway across the world and on the west coast of the US. How is this possible

    I shriek and begin babbling to my sister about these amazing biscuits that are turned into an addicting cookie butter with a life-changing flavor. I begin to draw a crowd…several people listen intently to my ramblings, then reach for their own jars. I grab four before the display is disseminated.

    World dominance has begun, Stu. Resistance is futile…

    • Invader Stu says:

      Hehe. That’s an amazing story *cough* Err… I mean that is terrible. It seems there is no escaping it.

  9. Likeahike says:

    I shouldn’t worry. Not untill the English start consuming drop in large quantaties anyway.

    • Invader Stu says:

      They already have the non salty liquorice. It may only be a matter of time.

  10. Anne from Australia says:

    So, here I am in downtown Melbourne thinking ‘I wonder if they sell this stuff in Australia?’. One quick search later and yes, at least online. I shall look in the supermarket next time I go shopping; the one we go to is smaller and has lots of European foods so may well be lucky!

  11. Bart de Graaf says:

    You know that speculoos is Belgian, right? It’s not Dutch, like hagelslag. Hundreds of years ago the Belgians wanted to make the delicious Dutch speculAAs. But the Belgians weren’t traders like the Dutch, so they didn’t have to required spices to make the original, so they came up with their own recipe.

    If you like speculoos, try the Apro Soja speculoos dessert, it’s delicious. But nothing beats the real speculaas cookies on bread!

  12. iooryz says:

    Dear King Stu, If you haven’t had the real cookies on bread, you’re not a real addict. ;)

  13. Lotus has also infiltrated the U.S. under the code name “Biscoff.” Fortunately for drug-hardy Miami, the popularity of Speculoos spread is still pretty low as we’ve got plenty of “harmless white powder” to be found with the local “harmless white powder” distributor.

  14. Diederik says:

    Just see it as a opportunity. No I am not eating speculaas, it is just a “karamel koekje”; no sign of “kaneel, nootmuskaat, kruidnagel, gemberpoeder, kardemom or witte peper”. How dare you to accuse me of being an addict!

  15. Stultum says:

    Apparently, speculoos has been invading the US too!

    http://www.buzzfeed.com/mikespohr/the-definitive-ranking-of-diet-killers (the ninth)

    • Andrew S.x.y.z. says:

      Haha, yes, the speculous mafia has ties in the U.S.A. also, I first tried them at a Belgium waffle place called Waffle & Dinges. Tastes like someone cracked some cinnamon crackers into peanut butter mmmm.

  16. Kiki says:

    dutch ‘crack cocaine’! Am addicted! gotta have it every morning! on everything!!!

  17. Sharon says:

    I miss eating Speculoos in the Netherlands but have another way:
    Ben & Jerry’s unveiled three new creations on Tuesday and it’s tasty news for cookie lovers.

    The combinations include “Boom Chocolatta,” which features mocha and caramel ice creams, chocolate cookies, fudge flakes and a chocolate cookie core.

    Then there’s “Peanut Buttah,” a peanut butter filled concoction with a peanut butter cookie core.

    Finally, there’s “Spectacular Speculoos” – dark caramel and vanilla ice cream with Speculoos cookies, which is a spiced shortbread biscuit.

  18. Roelie says:

    Im Dutch and I hate this stuff.. I’m an expat and my parents send me this with my monthly supply.. It’s so nasty.. Try the real cookies, it’s so much better

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