The Speculaas Kroket

Speculaas Kroket

“Oh no. No, no, no, no, no.”

“You have to try it. Otherwise you’ll never truly be integrated into Dutch society.”

“Are you going to try it?” I asked defensively, trying to find a way ouy..

“I don’t have anything to prove. I’m already Dutch,” she smiled.

I sighed, defeated, “I’m going to have to try it, aren’t I?”

“Yep.”

My wife and I were looking at a news story that had just been sent to us by a friend. It announced the arrival of the speculaaskroket at Febo, a special seasonal kroket, shaped like the ‘S’ from Sinterklaas, filled with speculaas and topped with slagroom. It was even being promoted by Sinterklaas himself (or at least, one of his helpers). This was very bad news for me because I knew that the article had been sent to me as a challenged.

Ever since I confessed my crippling addiction to speculaas friends and family have delighted in challenging me to try every strange and bizarre speculaas product they have been able to find. Crunchy speculaas sandwich spread, speculaas hagelslag, speculaas Easter eggs, speculaas breakfast cereal, speculaas wine and more. I tried them all in the spirit of adventure and uncontrollable addiction. I liked all of them.

But even to a self confessed speculaas addict like myself the idea of warmed up speculaas wrapped in crunchy deep fat fried breadcrumbs, topped with cream did not sound good… But I knew I had to try it anyway. I could not back down from the challenge.

And so, on the day that Sinterklaas’ press conference had announced that the speculaaskroket would go on sale I did the un-thinkable. I went to Febo and ordered the speculaaskroket for lunch.

Speculaas Kroket Poster
No turning back now. I must be brave.
Eatting Speculaas Kroket
Yes. That is hot Speculaas in a kroket.

Oh dear god! Why Febo? Why? Why did you create this? Why did anyone think this was a good idea? Why did you endorse this Sinterklaas? Did you need the money? It is a crime against speculaas. It is a crime against kroketten. The two should never ever be put together. Febo has taken something I love and turned it into something that made me throw up a little in my mouth. It was not even shaped as advertised and there was no slagroom (although that might have been a good thing). In short, it tastes terrible.

It’s official. This is the one that broke me. I’ve met every speculaas/speculoos challenge you have thrown at me but this one… this one has beaten me. I am ashamed to confess that I could not finish it. Even worse; I did not want to finish it. Just one bite was enough to tell me that I never wanted to taste such an abomination ever again. I quickly threw the remains in the bin and I have been trying to forget the taste ever since.

Febo has managed the impossible. They have created a speculaas product that even I don’t like. The world does not make sense to me anymore. I only hope that by sacrificing myself I have saved some of you from trying it.

28 responses to “The Speculaas Kroket”

  1. Hazel says:

    Yuk! This doesn’t sound too promising!
    Even as foodblogger I think I might skip trying this one.

    Thanks for trying though ;-)

  2. dragonlady says:

    Is it just filled with Speculaas or does it have meat as well? It looks pretty gross and I would have complained about the lack of cream, that might have made it a bit better(or not)

    • Invader Stu says:

      I can’t imagine what it would have been like with meat. That might not have been a good combination. Not that the Speclaaskroket was a good combination to start with.

  3. Carf says:

    Went to Febo last Wednesday because my girl HAD to try it.
    So, when ordering the ladies BOTH ask us of we where serious??
    Well… I got out by ordering a safer challenge, the club burger, but
    my girl did order it AND even LIKED it! She might be one of the only
    Duthies openly admitting to like the Speculaas Kroket I’m afraid.
    And yeah, with whipped cream…

    • Invader Stu says:

      Hahaha. That’s amazing that both the people working at Febo where shocked that your girlfriend wanted to try it. How did they react to her liking it?

  4. That Febo poster is the stuff of nightmares. It could even be used to advertise a horror movie in which the killer, instead of wielding a knife, attacks the victims with this speculaas monstrosity by feeding them to death.

    The tagline could even read as “This December, the kroketten…is coming for you.”

    The threat of being fed the speculaaskroketten could become an even scarier incentive to frighten children into behaving well around this time of the year. Being dragged to Spain simply just won’t cut it these days.

  5. Ephie says:

    Sorry Stu , i love it really , ate 2 of them( my sig.half hate it ) ….. but, yea, i am a weirdo who carried dutchies stuff in my backpack during my rdw :)

  6. Margot says:

    Ahahahahaha thanks Stu for saving me from having to taste it! I love kroketten and I cannot even imagine how it tastes…but I don’t want even to imagine! LOL

  7. Gruwelijk says:

    That is horrible. Before I could always say, but you have deep-fried marsbars when people pointed out strange Dutch food.

    Now they can just anwer “says the man from speculaas kroket country”

    I need a bottle with lots of alcohol, speculaas flavoured or not.

    • Invader Stu says:

      Ah… that is only the strange Scottish who deep fat fry Mars bars… but since I have Scotish ancestors on both sides that does not discount me from being strange.

  8. Likahike says:

    You’re a brave man Stu.

  9. Chris says:

    You are very brave, I was tempted, but now I am not, I will run to get some Oliebollen :)

  10. Sadie P says:

    At the risk of sounding like a rabid, or otherwise crazed, horse:

    ”Nay, nay, nay, nay, nay, nay, nay!”

    Surely even a true ‘dyed-oranje’ in the wool, from 10 generations back, tracing themselves to Willem I himself would say:

    ”Nee, Dank U”

    to that one? :-Q

    It’s just as ‘wrong’ as a battered and deep-fried Creme Egg! :-Q

    (I have now remembered why I never buy anything from Febo…..)

  11. Vallypee says:

    Oh yuk, Su. Just the idea sounds horrible. Well at least you’ve met your match now!! The addiction has limits, it’s clear. The only way is up! :)

  12. Yup! Job done… Thank you for taking one for the (UK) team and trying this. Now I don’t have to!! I owe you one ;-)

  13. shadowmanwkp says:

    Another unholy marriage would be the pink “raad de smaak” crisps by lays (walkers). This ungodly taste abomination mixes the nice crispiness with an utterly disgusting sweet taste. If anybody guessed it right, they could win €10.000,- nobody did, though. Eventually lays got the cat out of the bag: it’s “dubbelvla choco vanille” or in plain English: “double taste vla, choco-vanilla”.

  14. Jeroen Heijmans says:

    It was fine grinded beef with speculaaskruiden in a crusty jacket with speculaaskruiden. Only the whipped cream was ‘natural’.
    And no, I didn’t like it.
    Better stick to the ‘banketstaaf’.

  15. Frits Onland says:

    It’s been a while ago, and I love kroketten and have eaten some pretty weird ones including a chocolate kroket (which was divine)… but I simply had to stay away from this one. The idea itsself was horrible in the first place

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