Everyone loves a party but not all parties are successful. It’s hard to tell why some are, “off the hook,” where others fail. However, after much experimentation I believe I have come up with the formula for the perfect party. I have scientifically extracted the best parts from different kinds of parties and combined them into one. If my calculations are correct the results should be amazing. If I am wrong the party could become unstable and explode, resulting in the destruction of 65% of the planet.
Party goers are required to adhere to the fancy dress code of a Halloween party combined with the pajama wearing and pillow fighting of a slumber party. Once everyone has arrived the party will start with the gift giving and receiving that takes place at Christmas parties minus rubbish presents like socks.
Jelly, ice-cream and a variety of other party foods often found at a child’s birthday party will then be served on brightly coloured paper plates with images of Thomas the Tank Engine on them. A bouncy castle and ball pen will also be available. Games of pass the parcel, musical chairs and other party favourites will take place through out the night.
There will be a photocopier available for the party goers who wish to partake in the traditional ass photocopying that often takes place at office parties. There will also be the random guilt free destruction of the host’s property that takes place at all house warming parties.
The fruit punch will be spiked like any good college celebration and there will be more alcoholic beverages available then can be found hidden in any dorm room. At the beginning of the night the DJ will start by playing the best of 80s party music and slowly work his way up to the best of present day party music by the end of the night. At least one swaying person who is too drunk to dance should be on the dance floor at all times (during the night this number might multiply).
At midnight there will be the count down and mandatory kissing that takes place at all New Years Eve parties before everyone passes out in awkward positions that would make even a circus contortionist cry out in pain.
Finally it is very important that everyone is leg less by the end of the night and can’t remember anything the next morning. This is required so proper scientific readings can be taken to measure how successful the party experiment really was. As all good scientists know the only way to measure how much fun a party goer had is by seeing how hung over they feel the next morning.
Scientist: “How was the party last night?”
Party Goer: “It was great, amazing, fantastic… I can’t see anymore.”