Montage Inc™

Montage

Movie montages have shown us that anything is possible with a few camera cuts and some 80s music. They are the greatest un-tapped resource in the world today and the possibilities they offer are endless. However, this resource has never been made available to the public… until now.

Having noticed this gap in the market my flat mate and I have decided to start the company Montage Inc. Our goal is to offer the public the kind of easy self improvement only seen previously in movies such as Rocky.

Do you want to achieve something easily and fast? Montage Inc offers a wide range of montages to for fill you needs.

– Training/Learning:
This is one of our most popular packages due to its flexibility. In the past customers have used it for sports training, artistic training or training related to a job and/or education (some colleges have banned the use of montages by students). This package comes with a selection of optional 80s music including Eye of the Tiger, I Need a Hero, Footloose and more.

– Dating:
Want to charm that special someone? Let montages help your love life with a collection of date highlights. The strength of montage needed depends on how much your date likes you to start with. Customers wanting to use this package must provide ID proving they are over 18.

– Shopping:
This package is most popular with the ladies. However, our market research has recently shown that men have also chosen this package to make shopping trips with their wife/girlfriend as short as possible.

– Building:
This package was made popular by the A-Team in the 80’s. It is also a very flexible package due to the many things that can be built with it from a small sculpture to a huge battle tank.

– Other available montages:
Building a business, cleaning, competition participation, writing, investigation and social interaction (becoming popular) montages.

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Strength of Montage:
The strength of the montage required will be affected by the difference between the customer’s ability pre-montage and their desired result post-montage. Small changes will only require a mintarge (minimum montage) with long camera shots and slow music. More extreme changes will require a maxtarge (maximum montage) with quick camera cuts and fast music. More then one montage a day may also be required.

Travel Montage:
Our research department has developed a way to use the power of montages for travel. If you need to travel long distances in just a few seconds you can use our new Montage Drive™ to experience the journey in just a few seconds of highlights.

Faster then Montage Drive™ – Coming Soon

Holiday Montage:
We can also offer cheaper holidays through montage. Can’t afford that dream holiday to The Bahamas? Why not experience the highlights and cut out the boring parts with a montage and pay only 25% of the full price.

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Disclaimer:
Unfortunately not all effects are positive. Movies show a biased view of montages and hide the fact that (if handled incorrectly) they may have negative effects such as a decline into alcoholism, drug addiction or other undesired habits in just a few camera cuts. These are called negatages (negative montages).

In the event of a negatage Montage Inc can not be held responsible. However, we can offer a recovery montage at a reasonable price. In extreme cases mishandled montages may lead to an apocalypse montage. Custom Montages: Still don’t see the montage you would like? Contact one of our Montage Engineers for a consultancy. Let us know what you need.

Montage Inc – Happiness is just a few camera cuts away

11 responses to “Montage Inc™”

  1. marycub says:

    How about a montage for my potential employees so that they’ll give me a job! Oh wait thats called a portfolio. Damn i should really sort mine out :/ Though maybe a montage is really the snazzy way to go – impress their socks off.

  2. bill says:

    sweet! sign me up!! i’d like to learn to be cool like the fonz

  3. Bonestorm says:

    This has got me thinking of the montage scene from Team America. “Yeh, you need a montagggge”. Hilarious.

  4. ChickyBabe says:

    Your cartoons are rather expressive. Nice work :).

  5. Invader Stu says:

    Trinity – Thank you

    Marycub – To make sure you get the job we can montage your interview and your first few days at your new job.

    Bill – We can cut together a montage with old clips from Happy Days and superimpose your head on the fonz. It will cost you less.

    Bonestorm – Montage Inc is currently in a legal dispute with Team American and our layers have advised us not to comment on this.

    ChickyBabe – Thank you

  6. Matt says:

    before i get married can you please do me a montage whereby i sleep with a whole cheerleading team??

  7. bill says:

    works for me. I’m game 8)

  8. vallyP says:

    I’m another transplanted Brit.Came to Holland via South Africa. I really enjoy your blog. How abot your do me a ‘Val at work” montage..that way I can convince myself I actually do something useful…and my employers too!

  9. marycub says:

    You could do a montage for me relocating to essex, featuring the stress of moving and the anger of the bf when he sees how many pairs of shoes i have! ;)

  10. Invader Stu says:

    Matt & Bill: If anyone from the FBI asks where you got your montage you did not get it from us.

    VallyP – Of course. We can also put in shots of you explaining a graph in a meeting and laughing with co-workers.

    Marycub – A montage showing how many shoes you have? Hhhhmmmm. This is going to be one long montage but alright.

  11. Sean Perkey says:

    sign me up for the weight loss/ rock hard abs “mAntage”!

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