As an Englishman I have a very particular view of Holland. Due to the average height difference between English and Dutch men this view is about a foot or two lower then the natives. This is sometimes makes it very easy to feel short in Holland and it always makes it hard to find jeans that are the right length with out resorting to turn ups.
However, I have found one place in Holland where a person from a height challenged country like myself can feel like a giant and that place is Madurodam. Madurodam contains several famous Dutch locations in miniature form as if an eccentric mad scientist has used his newly invented shrink ray to collect his favourite tourist locations in one place. Everything is in 1:25 scale and includes places like Amsterdam, Rotterdam, Den Haag and more.
I was able to walk around the place and feel like some kind of English, non-green and less scaly Godzilla. There were a few times when I had to suppress the urge to raise my arms in the air and go, “roar!”
Despite having to behave myself and stick to the laid out path I felt tall. I felt big. I felt elevated. However, it only took one look at my Dutch date who was taller then me (I’m talking about the average height for Dutch women now not Dutch men) to remind me of the reality that I should consider platform shoes if I ever want to pass as a local. Plus the fact that she might start to question my sanity if I had actually begun to make monster noises at the exhibits. Sometimes it is easier to get away with being a child. They were allowed to do it.
Mini Schiphol Airport: Complete with mini Easyjet and mini chavs on their way to the mini red light district.
Mini Dam Square: I walk through this area every morning but as hard as I searched I could not see a mini red head version of myself. It’s not that accurate if you ask me.
Mini Amsterdam: Even with a scaled down canal of this size there is a drunk English tourist somewhere that will find a way to fall into it.
Mini dam or bloody big sea gull: Alfred Hitchcock was right! Quick! Everyone evacuate Holland!