Madurodam – Land of The Giants


As an Englishman I have a very particular view of Holland. Due to the average height difference between English and Dutch men this view is about a foot or two lower then the natives. This is sometimes makes it very easy to feel short in Holland and it always makes it hard to find jeans that are the right length with out resorting to turn ups.

However, I have found one place in Holland where a person from a height challenged country like myself can feel like a giant and that place is Madurodam. Madurodam contains several famous Dutch locations in miniature form as if an eccentric mad scientist has used his newly invented shrink ray to collect his favourite tourist locations in one place. Everything is in 1:25 scale and includes places like Amsterdam, Rotterdam, Den Haag and more.

I was able to walk around the place and feel like some kind of English, non-green and less scaly Godzilla. There were a few times when I had to suppress the urge to raise my arms in the air and go, “roar!”

Despite having to behave myself and stick to the laid out path I felt tall. I felt big. I felt elevated. However, it only took one look at my Dutch date who was taller then me (I’m talking about the average height for Dutch women now not Dutch men) to remind me of the reality that I should consider platform shoes if I ever want to pass as a local. Plus the fact that she might start to question my sanity if I had actually begun to make monster noises at the exhibits. Sometimes it is easier to get away with being a child. They were allowed to do it.

Madurodam Plane

Mini Schiphol Airport: Complete with mini Easyjet and mini chavs on their way to the mini red light district.

Madurodam Dam

Mini Dam Square: I walk through this area every morning but as hard as I searched I could not see a mini red head version of myself. It’s not that accurate if you ask me.

Madurodam Amsterdam

Mini Amsterdam: Even with a scaled down canal of this size there is a drunk English tourist somewhere that will find a way to fall into it.

Madurodam Bird

Mini dam or bloody big sea gull: Alfred Hitchcock was right! Quick! Everyone evacuate Holland!

13 responses to “Madurodam – Land of The Giants”

  1. Breigh says:

    Isn’t Madurodam great? I think it’s soon time for their ice sculptures too, I am pretty sure it was around May-ish that we were there and saw them.

    I was wondering. Do you do artwork for people (paid of course). I’d love to have a Breigh for my header, a sort of little animated version of me. In my header somewhere. It’s something I’ve thought of for a long time but wasn’t sure who could do it. If you’d be interested in helping me out with it that would be really cool. I would pay you for your time of course :)

  2. Tess says:

    Been ages since I’ve been there, but Easyjet? And chavs? Should be banned! ;)

    ps Didn’t I tell you to stay away from those brownies? Look what it did to you *hehe*

  3. kiks says:

    I laughed out loud at the mini chavs bit. I don’t think i’ll ever get over that Dirty Chav movie.
    Oh and the Dam looks eerily clean, that’s all. And those cars look all too comfortable.

  4. VallyP says:

    Oy! You never told me you were back!! Now, I’ve got heaps of reading to do…s’not fair! I like this one though. I’ve never been to Madurodam, but it looks a blast…By the way, how short are you?? My ex had to put turn ups on his underpants as well as his jeans, and he was Scottish by birth…and a real shortie to boot…well, 5ft 7 or thereabouts. He had a Dutch girlfriend once who was over 6ft. Can you beat that?

  5. Amanda says:

    hahaha! mini chavs heading to the mini red light district! so true! I only just heard about madurodam the other day, funny that you went there. I’ll make it one day…

  6. Anneke says:

    We should probably never meet, you’d be dwarfed by me… Madurodam is so much fun! I remember watching the trains and aeroplanes, and yes I remember a miniature red light district!

  7. Ana Luisa says:

    Your post made me think of a Friends episode, when Chandler says he likes to hold those tiny liquour bottles, so he can pretend he’s a giant. :P
    On another note: did you go to the park right next to Madurodam? The Rozarium is beautiful. :)

  8. dragonlady says:

    We will have to go to Madurodam when we come over. You can roar if you want, we will just pretend you are nothing to do with us.

  9. suus says:

    are you all seriously enchanted with Madurodam?

  10. Invader Stu says:

    Breigh – I didn’t know they did ice sculptures :) I’ve made some cartoons for some people but at the moment I don’t have a lot of free time so I can’t promise any help at the moment but maybe later.

    Tess – Do you mean the whole thing was a stoned hallucination?

    kiks – Mini dirty chav?

    VallyP – I’ll just say I’m 5’7 as well :p

    Amanda – It’s worth a visit

    Anneke – How tall are you?

    Ana Luisa – I didn’t know it was there. I’ll have to go next time. I also like the Bill Baily joke about melting four kit-kat chunkes together to look like one of the regular kit-kats so he can pretend to be a tiny pixy.

    dragonlady – you could do that but you won’t be able to explain away the family resemblance :p

    suus – You’re not?

  11. Q says:

    Being 5ft1, Holland doesn’t smell so nice … My nose is usually at the level of their armpits …

  12. Cléa says:

    This is soo cute! At least you can see everything if you’re short of seeing the real thing.

  13. sophie says:

    can you believe I don’t feel anything special about madurodam? I went there when I was living here last time, and it left me totally cold! (what means, it was not anything thrilling to me)

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