Wed
6 Feb

There are some very unique places to live in Amsterdam but possibly none as unique as the apartment I first lived in when I arrived in the country. It had all the features you might expect to find in a typical Amsterdam apartment; stairs so steep they could be reclassified as a ladder, a slightly un-trust worthy looking cylindrical gas heater that clunked loudly every time it was turned on, a general level of disrepair and very territorial mice.

It also had a few slightly unusual design additions of its own, such as a spare bedroom without a door, a window looking out onto a brick wall and a toilet that was accessed via a door in the kitchen. But it was none of these features that made it stand out. They were odd but they were nothing compared to the strangest part of the apartment… The Master Bedroom.

The Master Bedroom took up the entire top floor of the building (but somehow managed to seem smaller than the floor below). Once upon a time it had been the attic and it was still accessed by a set of stairs that simply emerged from the floor in to a corner of the room. The stairs creaked as they were climbed and made it possible to view the entire room for floor level if you stopped half way. It was from this slightly odd view point that the feature responsible for making the room (and by association; the whole apartment) so weird suddenly became obvious…

Every single surface of the master bedroom; the walls, the two halves of the angled ceiling that met at the top, the cracked wooden beams that supported them, even each individual floor board that formed the uneven floor had been painted… bright… red…

It is probably important to mention at this point that I had not seen the apartment before I moved in. It had been ‘kindly’ arranged for me by my work before I had even arrived in the country.

Everything in the room was red. The only surface that had escaped the insane colour scheme unscathed was the glass windows. The frames themselves had not been so lucky.

I don’t know if the interior designer had been colour blind, or insane, or there had simply been a heavy discount on red that day but it certainly gave the room a very striking look. A look that said, “Those of a nervous disposition may or may not wish to sleep with the lights on.”

I certainly didn’t recall the landlord saying anything about the room being evil when he handed me the keys but the questionable colour choice seemed to suggest otherwise. It was entirely possible that I had just taken up residence in the Dutch version of The Amityville Horror.

As if the room itself was not creepy enough it was also completely empty apart from the bed which had been carefully positioned in the very centre of the room like some kind of alter. There was no other furniture. No other decorations. No other distractions. It was just the bed, the endless colour red and nothing else… Unless you count the spiders.

I’m not afraid of spiders but I might have developed arachnophobia within the first few moments of standing in that room. They were everywhere. They had hung their webs in every possible spot that you could hang a web. I suddenly had visions of waking up in the middle of the night to discover that I had been cocooned to the bed by a group of arachnids who had decided they didn’t want an extra room mate.

I knew I was supposed to stay in that place for three months but I didn’t know how I would be able to hold onto my sanity for that long. So I did the only logical thing I could do. I went down stairs, found the vacuum cleaner, brought it upstairs and evicted all the spiders.

Comments:

13 Responses to “The Red Room”

  1. Rasa says:

    What I about red walls? With spiders you managed to make order but red walls…. Pfff… I would get crazy in such a room in a minute..Or that was a room of Sweeney Todd???
    In fact I’ve seen more red rooms or kitchens here and I don’t know what dutch has to do with this special color…the same with all variation of blue.. or maybe in shops they really have constant discounts on these two colors:)

  2. Rasa – I couldn’t do anything about the wall apart from bang on them when ever I heard a mouse running around behind them… which was a lot. It might explain a few things about the current condition of my sanity. I’m glad I did not see Tim Burrton’s Sweeny Todd while I was still living there.

  3. Martijn says:

    Time for a “Red” version of the “The Dark Room” youtube game..

  4. Martijn – Oh my god. I just googled what The Dark Room youtube game is and it is the best thing ever. Thanks :D

    For anyone else who wants to play it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hvkjP6dqpfY

  5. Kristy says:

    Hi Stu, do you have any blogs on Carnivals celebration here? Need a crash-course/ survival guide to the endless days and nights of carnival happening this friday till tuesday. Cheers

  6. Kristy – Unfortunately I do not but it could be a good idea for the future.

  7. VallyP says:

    Do you think the previous occupant might have been the Scarlet Pimpernel? Or maybe just a scarlet woman? Or perhaps someone who wanted to see things through rose tinted glasses…

    As for the spiders, doesn’t sound like you evicted them to me…you vacuum packed them!

  8. Terri says:

    Even allowing for the spiders (which I’m not), and the awful red color, how weird was it to sleep on the lone bed in an empty room?? I think I might have opted for the spare bedroom without the door–much easier to escape from, too.

  9. dragon lady says:

    And you never told us, except about one mouse Mr Bojangles.

  10. Nathalie in NL says:

    Not directly related, but if you have some time I feel like this news article could do with an Invader Stu cartoon:

    http://www.dutchnews.nl/news/archives/2013/02/no_large_hats_for_the_new_king.php

  11. VallyP – The weird thing is there had been someone living there up until the day before me. That has to mean that person was sleeping in the room with all the spiders.

    Terri – I guess I should have done that too. I’m not sure why I did not.

    Dragon Lady – I didn’t?

    Nathalie – Haha. I could imagine it would be very annoying to be sat behind someone with a large hat.

  12. Yvette says:

    I’ve been apartment searching in Amsterdam these past few weeks, and this sounds straight out of many a place I’ve looked at. At least I don’t have to live in them though ;-) (well YET, landlord hasn’t accepted my offer yet- fingers crossed!)

  13. Red is my favorite color, but even I have to admit that a room entirely painted in the color is a tad bit too much. Just a tad, though.