How Mario Galaxy Made Me Want To Kill

Mario

“I HATE YOU!”

Amongst my friends I have a reputation of being a very calm and polite person.

“YOU ARE HOPELESS!”

Most of them do not even believe I am capable of getting angry.

“WHY CAN’T YOU DO ANYTHING RIGHT?!”

And in a way they are right. It takes a lot to get me angry.

“I HATE YOU SO MUCH!”

A lot…

“YOU BLOODY USLESS ITALIAN PLUMBER!”

I am by no means a xenophobe or a racist and I bear no ill will towards those in the plumbing profession.

“I’M GOING TO SHOVE THIS WII REMOTE WHERE THE SUN DON’T SHINE IF YOU FAIL ME AGAIN!”

But a man has his limits.

“YOU HEAR ME MARIO?! I’M GOING TO STRAIGHT UP MURDER YOU AND YOUR WHOLE MUSHROOM KINGDOM!”

And failing to kill the end of level boss ten times in a row is apparently it.

My wife watched me from the other side of the sofa, not in alarm but in fascination. She had never witnessed me in such a blind rage and she was finding it hilarious.

”DON’T LAUGH AT ME! THIS IS BAD GAME DESIGN! THIS BOSS IS IMPOSSIBLE!”

She grind even more as I waved the Wii remote around at the screen again like an angry caveman having an epileptic fit. I’d only started playing because she had got stuck and wanted my help.

“Why don’t you take a break if it is annoying you so much?” She suggested after a while.

”NO! I WILL NOT LET THIS BLOODY THING BEAT ME!”

I lost count of how many times I played the same section over and over again.

“RUN FASTER DAMN YOU!”

My fury was growing with each failure. How dare this game not let me win.

“WHY WON’T YOU JUMP WHEN I TELL YOU TOO?!”

The veins in my neck were about to pop in rage. How dare the controls not be easier.

“STOP FALLING IN THE DAMN LAVA!”

The anger was becoming too strong. I was about to throw the wii remote out the window. But then…

“YES!”

The tide of battle suddenly started to turn…

“YES! COME ON!”

…and I was so very close…

“YES! COME ON! YES!”

… all I need was one last successful mushroom attack.

“YEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!”

I jumped up from the sofa and threw my arms up in the air in victory.

“FINALLY!!! F**K YOU MARIO! F**K YOU LUIGI! F**K YOU BOWSER! AND F**K YOU PRINCESS PEACH!”

I marched over to the TV, switched off the Nintendo Wii, stormed out of the room and slammed the door shut while my wife fell of the sofa in fits of uncontrollable laughter.

Like I said; it takes a lot to get me angry.

32 responses to “How Mario Galaxy Made Me Want To Kill”

  1. Invader Stu says:

    Linda – I’m like Batman. I try to hide my dark sider but sometimes it comes out :p

    MissNeriss – I think you are allowed to get angry at angry birds. It’s in the name after all :p

  2. linda@adventuresinexpatland.com says:

    Wow, who knew?!?

  3. MissNeriss says:

    I have the exact same thing with Angry Birds. I’m still laughing at this post!

  4. Sarah Turley says:

    *Nothing* is as annoying as a computer game which won’t let you win or go up a level, preferably without using cheats. Totally understandable.

  5. kiks says:

    Oh, how I laughed about this post. Thanks, Stu.

    And Simone – please film it next time.

  6. Invader Stu says:

    Sarah – I know right. thanks for understanding me.

    Kiks – You are more then wlecome and I bet she will now :p

    Ebe – I think this just makes it clear that Mario is to blame :p

  7. Dragonlady says:

    I must admit even I have never seen you more than slightly annoyed. But I can’t blame you, I have just been shouting at my computer because my internet went down.Luckily you take after your Dad,not me.

  8. Invader Stu says:

    Dragonlady – It’s good that I have Mario to help me let the bottled rage out. How knows what might happen otherwise :p

    I remember one of the times I saw you most annoyed was when shouting at the old Amega printer

  9. ebe says:

    Alarming how this phenomenon seems to transcend borders & temperaments. My American Mann responds eerily similarly to misbehaving Mario

  10. Jason says:

    The sad thing is, I’m pretty sure I know what level/boss this happened on, and the same thing happened to me. I’m not sure how my Wii remote didn’t end up embedded in the wall, or worse, the TV.

  11. Jules says:

    At least it’s not Starfox, on the old N64?

  12. Invader Stu says:

    Jason – Was it Bowser running around the small planet and sending out shock waves?

    Jules – Luckily I never played that one. From what I heard it would have broke me.

  13. HolmesInterventionsLtd says:

    What level is it? I might let you watch me do it sometime. Bring biscuits. Game Over.

  14. Invader Stu says:

    HolmesInterventionsLtd – It was one of the Bowser battles but I think it might break even you Holmes.

    Dave2 – I’ve not played the game since.

  15. Dave2 says:

    Sounds like you’re having fun, at least! :-D

  16. Marjolein says:

    Whahaha! Where was I?
    @ Kiki: you are soooo right.
    @ Simone: Please follow her advice!

  17. French Bean says:

    o_O

    Daaaaaaaamn. Remind me to never challenge you to a Wii game, Stu. I have a pretty bad temper and not being able to pass a level might turn me into the next Duke Nukem. :P

  18. Efrutik says:

    Hhahahahhahahahahahhhahaha. Although my initial response while I read each line was OMG someone is going to get hurt?

  19. Gez says:

    Heh. You should play one of the old Spyro games on the PS1 then. One item per world tends to be held by an annoying octopus thingy that constantly runs away from you, taunting you with that old playground chorus of “na na na-na-na” (normally chanted whilst waggling fingers with thumb touching nose).

  20. Keith says:

    Know the feeling. You’ve got my sympathy. It happens to us all.

    I’ve got a an Irish two piece jigsaw puzzle, and I just CAN’T do it! One of the pieces appears to be missing! I get SO frustrated and I run around the room screaming and shouting naughty words at the cat like “Bother!”, “Smelly socks”, and, may God forgive me, “KNICKERS” and “BIG GIRLS BLOUSES”

    I think you and me both should go to confession this Sunday.

  21. Alison says:

    This is just one of the reasons I don’t play video games. I have the worst temper when it comes to inanimate objects not behaving the way I want them to.

  22. Jason says:

    No, that was a tough level, but I think the final battle took me over 80 tries (with the help of my wife playing Luigi) to finally beat. We actually went out to dinner to celebrate finally beating it.

  23. Wezz6400 says:

    I.. I’m so proud of you! *sniff*

    Erm, that’s just me having a cold. *cough*

  24. Yvette says:

    I have a huge urge now to see you do the original Super Mario Brothers five minute challenge.

  25. suus says:

    I only know the Mario game from way back but I can definitely understand the frustration. I especially disliked the fact that the damn princess was like: “Oh that was greaaat Mario but Im in another castle punk” She’s such a….

  26. Invader Stu says:

    Marjolein – Don’t give my wife ideas :p

    French Bean – We could go on a rampage together

    Efrutik – Someone did. Mario. I made him jump into some lava later for good measure.

    Gez – Oh no. I heard a lot of similar stories about that game and stayed well away.

    Keith – I’m so happy you understand the situation so well Keith. We are like soul mates. Together we will get through this.

    Alison – The wii would certainly bring you out in a range then :p

    Jason – Haha. I like the sound of that. My wife would not mind being taken out for dinner either.

    Wezz6400http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZGes7FDmHAM :p

    Yvette – It would kill me

    Suus – I think she must suffer from stockholm syndrome and enjoys being kidnapped

  27. Efrutik says:

    You are Priceless & hilarious!

  28. VallyP says:

    You’re not a Taurean by any chance? I relate, man, I relate!

  29. Invader Stu says:

    Efrutik – Thank you :)

    VallyP – I’m a Taurean trapped in a Capricorn’s body.

  30. Invader Stu says:

    Garrett – Thank. I do that all the time. Not just with Mario. I make computer games for a living so I’m doing it all the time.

  31. Garrett says:

    Great blog! I love your little avatar guy too!

    I hear you about getting angry at Nintendo.One question: do you do a little “jump” in your seat when Mario jumps or duck your head down when something comes flying at Mario’s head? I used to catch myself doing that all the time! :-)

  32. I *had* to read back on this blog post. I began playing Super Mario Bros. Wii with my now-ex-boyfriend, and we had quite a difficult time getting through the stages. I also remember being very upset to learn that Yoshi was limited to only certain levels. :P

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