For the past few weeks Bontje the house cat has been acting very strange (or maybe I should say stranger then usual). Neither my flat mate or myself could figure out why the small feline had suddenly started sleeping in random places around the house which she usually seemed to avoid (kitchen counters, top of the TV, etc) or why she had started displaying extreme mood swings. She was being so overly affectionate at times that it was starting to get a little disturbingly uncomfortable (like being hit on by your sister) to suddenly incredibly grumpy for little reason. Then there was the fact that she had become less agile and more clumsy. We could not work out what had coursed this sudden change in her behaviour. We thought maybe it was the weather, maybe she was feeling a little frisky or maybe it was something a bit more worryingly medical.
However, my flat mate recently discovered the reason for the kitty’s strange behaviour when he walked into the kitchen early one morning. He found Bontje in the kitchen, our kitchen which is often quite messy, our kitchen which often contains a crate of beer, a crate of beer which Bontje was displaying a lot of interest in.
It turned out that she had been licking the tops of the open beer bottles like an inebriated scavenger after closing time on a Friday night in London. Yes, Bontje is a raging alcoholic cat who had spent the past few weeks stumbling around the house in a state of constant intoxication with out either of us even realizing. She had hidden her dirty little secret well… until now.
There was only one thing we could do. We held a kitty intervention. The first thing that had to be done was to place the beer crate safely outside where the alcoholic feline could not reach her supply. The next step in her recovery was to confront her and get her to admit that she had a problem. We tried to explain that she was not only hurting herself but she was also hurting those who cared about her and loved her.
She meowed at us a few times which could have been angry denial or regretful acceptance, it was hard to tell which because of the drunken slurring (and the fact that she is a cat). Eventually she stumbled over to the sofa to sleep off the last of the alcohol.
So far our two step kitty sobriety program seems to have worked and her behaviour has returned to how it was normally before she started hitting the bottle. We’re still watching her closely to make sure she does not fall off the wagon again. In just a few days she will have earned her ‘six days sober’ badge if she sticks with our program.
However, it does mean we might have fewer lolcat photos we can submit to icanhascheezburger.com.