My Surprise Dutch Stag Party – Part 1

Surprise Dutch Stag Party - Part 1

“I could be over thinking it but it just seems a little too suspicious,” I told my soon to be wife, “One would not have been that suspicious but there are three of them. ”

I read aloud the facebook status updates that had been posted by three of my friends, all of which were along the lines of ‘such-and-such is having a nice lazy day’ and ‘what’s-his-face does not know what to do with his free day’.

On any other weekend this would seem like quite a normal thing to announce to the world. People are entitled to their lazy weekends after all. But this was not just any weekend. This was one of the three weekends left before our wedding. This was one of the weekends when my surprise Dutch stag party could be sprung upon me and I have a habit of rambling on like a paranoid conspiracy theorist when I think something is going to happen.

“No, You’re right. I’m over thinking it. I’ll stop.” I said even though my almost wife had not actually said anything. I sat down to drink my tea which was now cold because I had spent so long staring out of the window like an overly enthusiastic neighborhood watch representative. I put all thought of surprises and Dutch stag parties out of my mind… for about 5 seconds.

“It’s just suspicious that they would all post around the same time. I mean… sure there is enough time between each post that makes it seem like it could just be a coincidence but that might all be part of the deception, a cunning attempt to throw me off their trail.”

My soon to be wife just looked at me and blinked as I continued to have a conversation with myself at her.

“I think what I find the most suspicious is the simple fact that they were all up so early to make those posts.”

All the posts had been made around 9am. That’s early when you are a guy, a fact that I often have to remind my soon to be wife of when she tries to wake me up at the ungodly hour of 11am most weekends. The only reason I was up so early now was because I didn’t fancy the idea of being whisked away to my Dutch stag party in my boxer shorts (If it was going to happen).

“And they all sent them from their phones too. Well… that could be because they only just woke up and have not gone to the computer yet… you know… a kind of lazy bed status update thing but it could also mean they are already half way here… No. No, you are right. I’m over thinking it again. I’ll stop. It’s probably next weekend.”

I sat down again, sipped my cold tea and put all the suspicious thoughts out of my mind.

“What time do you think we should decide that they definitely are not coming?” I asked.

…To be continued in My Surprise Dutch Stag Party – Part 2.

23 responses to “My Surprise Dutch Stag Party – Part 1”

  1. Invader Stu says:

    Before I disappoint anyone I did not end up naked with a traffic cone on my head

  2. Jose says:

    “Before I disappoint anyone I did not end up naked with a traffic cone on my head”

    That is a bit of a disappointment ;-)

  3. Gez says:

    Hmmm…..only recently engaged, and now less than 3 weeks till the big day….

    Her dad’s not going to be stood behind you with a loaded 12-gauge, is he?

  4. The best stag do I was ever involved in was when I was living in England. The poor groom-to-be was received with a simple challenge: Either you wear this 16kg ball and chain while we take you on a pub crawl or we’ll come up with something nastier. He accepted but still felt that “or” was not part of our vocabulary and guarded his drink like his life depended on it. By the 10th one, his control relaxed and so we went to phase 2.

    Phase 2 involved a sleeping potion in his beer. When he was safely knocked out, we took him outside, stripped him and wrapped him up in a blanket. Then we took him to a field a few miles out of town and left him there together with a map of Northern France and a few French francs. We also hid behind a nearby hedge to wait for the result :)

    Now since the eurozone is here, your mates will not be able to do this to you. Unless they decide to use roubles, of course ….

  5. Alison says:

    Your wife-to-be is lucky that you can carry on a whole conversation without her having to say a word. There are some days when that can be quite nice!

  6. kiks says:

    Your cartoon nipples are HOT.

  7. Amanda says:

    @Unexpected Traveller: UK stag parties sounds really dangerous.

  8. French Bean says:

    I agree. 9 a.m. is a bit too early for a Saturday (for men, anyway).

    @ UT: Being left with a map of Northern France and French francs would scare me…the French use the Euro now and Nord-Pas de Calais is supposed to be frigid. :-P

  9. Invader Stu says:

    Jose – I can always take requests

    Gez – No, no of course not. What would make you think that *whisper* Call the cops *whisper* (we’ve actually been engaged a bit longer than everyone knows, it was only a little while ago that we made it public to everyone).

    Unexpected Traveller – Remind me to never invite you or your friends to a stag party :p

    Alison – Strangely I’m not the same when in the car. I’m very quit when in the car so I think she gets quite bored during long drives.

    kik – My cartoon nipples bring all the boys to the yarn, you’re damn right…

    Amanda – Oh they can be, they can be.

    French Bean – I am so happy that you agree with me. Now will you please tell all the other ladies it is true.

  10. julia says:

    This sounds like a lot of stress – are you ducking every time you hear a car backfiring?

  11. A Touch of Dutch blog says:

    Oh dear! I hope they won’t disappoint! And I agree with Kiks about those cartoon nipples.

  12. orangesplaash says:

    Wow, Just three weeks for the big day. Congrats! Let us know how was the party :)

  13. Jules says:

    Hmmm…how much would it cost for you to end up naked with a traffic cone on top of your head?

  14. Invader Stu says:

    julia – Yeah. I still am even now.

    Touch of Dutch – I was not. It was a lot of fun.

    Orangesplaash – Thanks :) I will

    Jules – How much are you willing to pay?

  15. French Bean says:

    Hm. Perhaps we bloggers can pool our monies to make Stu dance with the cone on his head?

  16. Lopa says:

    :D
    So you were right, right? You weren’t thinking over nothing ! :P

    And congrats in the advance ! 3 weeks to go … :o)

  17. Invader Stu says:

    French Bean – I wont be able to dance completely naked. I’ll still need to ware a belt for you to put your dollars in.

    Lopa – Less than two weeks now :)

  18. zed says:

    Everything seems to have happened so fast since we met back in 2007. A surprise Stag Do would be highly unusual, considering your living environment. Hamsterdam is nothing BUT Hen nights and Stag Do’s – at least it is every time I visit.

    Which makes me think….I may pay a visit this weekend….

  19. VallyP says:

    Since I already know what happened, this post really made me smile. Love the build up Stu!

  20. Invader_Stu says:

    Zed – I know. 2007 was not that long ago but it’s all gone by really quick. My whole 10 years in Holland so far feels like that.

    VallyP – Thanks. I’m trying to keep everyone on the edge of their seat :p

  21. Just a Plane Ride Away says:

    Oh the anticipation!! Do spill…

  22. Invader Stu says:

    Just a Plane Ride Away – I’ll be coming clean soon :)

  23. Andrew says:

    I’m eagerly awaiting the next stage, I’m very paranoid of facebook at the best of times..

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