Keep on Jogging


New Years Resolutions are never easy to keep. Seven years ago I decided my goal would be to learn Chess. To date my only knowledge of the game is that trampling the opponent’s peaces with a toy dinosaur while making roaring noises is sadly not a winning move. My only successful New Years Resolution so far has been to stop smoking which was very easy because I had never started (so officially I still failed).

This year I decided my task would be to exercise more, eat healthier and get in shape. These goals were not easy either. Every short jog was an exhausting marathon which left me in desperate need of an oxygen mask and a stretcher to carry me home. Every snack left on a co-workers desk was a tempting offer, triggering a whisper of a voice in my mind telling me to blame its sudden disappearance on the greedy office mice.

There was several times where it seemed I would give in and fail. However, I have managed to be good and things have slowly gotten easier. I am able to resist the temptation of liberating co-workers snacks (the mice beat me to it anyway) and I no longer need a paramedic team on stand by in case I keel over during my evening run. My health is slowly improving and I can now out run every enthusiastic dog who think I am inviting them to take part in a friendly game of fetch the jogger (as they drag their owners behind them). Soon I might turn into Stuart Austin, The Six Million Euro Expat.

However, jogging has a darker side as well as a good side, its own Ying & Yang or Dr Jekyll and Mr. Hide.

On the one side a jogger is someone with a mission. As they run through the streets and fields in their trainers and tracksuit they are someone trying to improve their health through exorcise. You can see the determination and commitment on their faces as they speed by. These are qualities to admire.

However, all that changes the moment any jogger slows to a walk. Suddenly they no longer look like a jogger. Suddenly they look like a Chav. With out the act of running they simply look like someone walking around in a tracksuit as a fashion statement. The fact that they are still out of breath could be mistaken for the results of a quick get away from a shop security guard. At least that would explain some of the strange looks I have got in the street.

39 responses to “Keep on Jogging”

  1. BlondebutBright says:

    Don’t be silly. Dutch people don’t know what Chavs are!

    So cool that Wiki has an entry for them.

  2. Andy says:

    Chavs are the sublimation of cockney into people. It is one of those cases.

  3. BlondebutBright says:

    The international joke line! Brilliant. You are forgiven.

  4. Keith says:

    Didn’t I see you jogging down our High Street last night?

  5. marycub says:

    Dutch chavs generally wear a lot of white, a lot of hair gel, and those weird “mocassin but not” shoes with beige rubber soley bits (which make me want to be sick because they are so horrible). Dutch chavs also always seem to be on the tram at the back shouting obscenities because it’s apparently funny. Sometimes they can be worse than brit ones.

    Apart from that, jogging is EVIL! Evil you hear? Much better to exercise and get fit in a way you actually enjoy otherwise your resolution will last no time at all!!

  6. roxanne says:

    Does this mean the next time I’m riding the tram in Holland, I better watch my back when I hear obscenities from behind… just might be Stu!!!

  7. vallyP says:

    Ahem Stu, tjose dogs that are chasing you? They probably think you were a cat in another life….bad karma for dogs you know…better make sure you’re exorcised rather than exercised. ;-)

    Sorry, that’s mean but I couldn’t resist it…lol

  8. zoe says:

    hold on, isn’t all of this part of your training for the Dharma Initiative ?

  9. Invader_Stu says:

    BlondebutBright – I was afraid I might be crossing the international joke line :)

    Andy – Cockney is different though. You can be cockney with out being a Chav.

  10. marycub says:

    Maybe, stu do you were dodgy dutch lace-up “mocassin but not” shoes?

  11. tenakalaz says:

    UH HUM!!!!!

    Cockney’s are not CHAV’s.

    you just have to be born within the sound of the bow bells. (I should know, I am one)

    so leave the cockney hating out of it, we have feelings too.

  12. Candy Gates says:

    Keith, it was me running the other night. Sorry to tell you wrong!

  13. Andy says:

    Yes, Keith, that was me you saw running ‘your’ high street. Then I turned on Amsterdam, then 116 into Broadway. Took two wrong turns.

    Now here I am, answering your sweet comment.

    Good to hearing from you.

  14. Bibi says:

    Keith, it was me actually. Thanks baby.

  15. Andy says:

    I mean ‘good hearing from you’.


  16. Invader_Stu says:

    BlondebutBright – Thank you :)

    Keith – Couldn’t have been me… wrong colour hair.

    Marycub – There should be a book, Chavs of the World

    Roxanne – Me? Never. *looks innocent*

    VallyP – No, that was not a typo. I actually plan to do more ghost busting this year (It was not mean at all. I’m glade you made me realize) :p

  17. Invader_Stu says:

    Zoe – Yes, they said if I agreed to work with them they would put me in the office of women.

  18. Invader_Stu says:

    Marycub – Nop :p

  19. Keith says:

    Who’s she?

  20. marycub says:

    phew – for a minute there i thought you’d conned me into thinking u were non chav all this time! So what’s your jogging look exactly? “just started” (baggy very new tracksuit) or “enthusiastic runner” (quite a small pair of shorts). You may chance upon my dad jogging around in the morning when he’s in holland 3 days a week for work :-/ he’ll be in the “enthusiastic runner” gettup – shudder!

  21. ChickyBabe says:

    Oh my… your cartoon looks in so much pain! Are you sure this is good for him?

  22. Bibi says:

    Which one is you in the picture?

  23. Invader_Stu says:

    Some how this has turned into a, “No. I’m Spartacus,” moment.

  24. Ash says:

    Blasphemy! Crazy Carpetting is a long-time tradition where young Canadian kids slide down impressive hills at alarming rates on a small piece of plastic!

    Silly Stuart.

  25. Invader_Stu says:

    Spartacus is a he:

    There is a famous scene in the movie where recaptured slaves are asked to identify Spartacus in exchange for leniency. Instead, they each proclaim themselves to be Spartacus and thus share his fate.

  26. Ash says:

    Oooer, you were thinking something naughty, weren’t you? :P

  27. marycub says:

    i am truly disappointed… *sniff*

  28. Invader_Stu says:

    Marycub – You will never catch me in a pair of quite small shorts. Sorry to disappoint you :p

    ChickyBabe – That was my actually face colour on the first few runs. Luckily it’s a lot easier now.

  29. Ash says:

    Ha ha, yes you.

  30. Kees Rozemeijer says:

    I am from Holland, and I know what a Chav is. But Dutch Chavs, dont know that they are Chavs. But there are many Chavs in Holland…

  31. Invader_Stu says:

    Bibi – The one with Ginger hair of course :)

    Kees – I’ll have to keep an eye out for them

    Ash – Oh… that seems a lot more innocent.

  32. Invader_Stu says:

    Ash – Who me?

    Marycub – Sorry :p

  33. Tess says:

    Hiya, I know exactly what you need: get rid of the gold chains, bracelets, [ear]rings and such; too heavy to carry anyway ;) and get yourself the cool looking gadgets instead, e.g. iShuffle and a pedometer, and don’t forget your bottle of ‘Spa’ water… :)

    [Seriously: it will get easier and addictive too]

  34. Laura says:

    What’s wrong with us Dutch Chavs and why don’t you want to be like us? Do you have ANY idea how expensive it is to look this cheap?

  35. Invader_Stu says:

    Ash – I didn’t say anything. It must be you with the dirty mind :p

    Tess – Get rid of my gold? Don’t know one make Mr T get rid of his gold. I pity the fool.

    I’m already at the addictive stage :)

    Laura – I new I was getting it the wrong way around. I was spending very little money to look cheap.

  36. Invader_Stu says:

    Laura – I was going to comment on your blog but could not see any where to log in… it might have just been me being blind :p

  37. Dragonlady says:

    Keep up the jogging and you to might run the London marathon dressed as a bumble bee.

  38. Invader_Stu says:

    Na, I want to dress in one of those rino costumes

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