Karaoke Star

I would like to take this chance to officially announce my participation in the next series of Dutch Pop Idols. The judges have not heard me sing yet but I am sure once they do they will not be able to deny that I have a very unique and distinctive singing talent that the public will have to hear in order to believe that such a voice exists.

I came to this decision a few days ago after I got a chance to sing a few songs at a karaoke bar with a couple of friends. I’ve never been much of a public singer but it’s amazing the motivation a few alcoholic beverages and a large collection of 80s music can provide. At the same time it is also scary to realize how many of the lyrics to Right Said Fred’s ‘I’m too sexy’ I know.

The karaoke bar was situated in Amsterdam (near Leidscheplein) and had a slightly strange Chinese atmosphere which created the feeling that The Crazy 88 might suddenly attack at any moment during someone’s rendition of ‘Everybody was Kung-Fu fighting’.

In order to hide the shame and embarrassment that would be our singing we decided to hire a private karaoke booth. Hiring any kind of ‘private booth’ anywhere in Amsterdam can instantly give the wrong impression, especially when the owner hands you a laminated catalog of (karaoke) videos and a remote control covered in protective plastic as she did with us. However, the booth lacked any dance poles so our only option for entertainment was singing.

Elvis, Frank Sinatra, Queen, The Bee-Gees, The Village People and so many other well know creators of music were not safe from our murderous rampage of song mutilation and carnage. Innocent lyrics were left orphaned as the songs they belonged to were valiantly bludgeoned to death with a microphone and some very bad singing. Words were sung out of time, lyrics were mixed up and one of the microphones ended up breaking under the strain (or maybe it decided to take its own life to stop the torture).

Luckily the sound proof glass of our booth survived our attempts to see who could hit the highest note which was really more of a contest to discover who could do the best impression of a cat suffering unbearable pain while inhaling helium. At least innocent bystanders were saved from irreparable eardrum damage. It was decided that the winner of the contest should never be allowed near a microphone again in their life time but that was probably true of all of us. However, we really had a lot of fun.

In case my application to be on Dutch Pop Idols does not make it past the first stage here is a sample of our singing talent (30 seconds of torture) from Bohemian Rhapsody. You can hear me very clearly during a few lines but you will have to guess which one I am (If you can’t see the embeded sound file click here):

Disclaimer: This site is not responsible for any lose of hearing, sanity or the will to live.

49 responses to “Karaoke Star”

  1. Melissa says:

    Wow, it was…inspiring. Inspiring in the fact that it ispiried me to tun my own music back on. Just kidding…
    Although I’ve never recored ourselves, I’m sure me and Ash singing the Spice Girls on her PERSONAL karaoke machine wern’t much better.

  2. Ash says:

    Shut up Lissa!!! I’m a superstar and you know it!!!!

    Okay, maybe not. But that doesn’t stop me, because it’s FUN.

    Private karaoke booths sound ace though, I would LOVE that. Perhaps I’ll build one in my basement.

    Unfortently, I wasn’t able to listen to your recording, sincec 5 of my 8 roomies are sleeping and I don’t want to wake them up with anything that is reminiscent of Chewbaca in a blender.

  3. Emiel Stòpler says:

    I’d give anything to see the look of horror on the faces of the judges of Dutch Idols when they hear your rendition of this song!
    I can imagine you had a great deal of fun with this…

  4. Ash says:

    Okay, that was fantastic (the recording). I just listened to it, and some of my roomies were like “WTF?!?” but it was still great.

  5. Invader Stu says:

    Melissa – You have to post a recording now :p

    Ash – ‘Chewbaca in a blender’ That line really made me laugh :) I think you are right. If you play it while people are sleeping you will really scare them to death.

  6. BlondebutBright says:

    It’s like you were singing a cappella – where’s the music? :) I’d say it all boils down to liquid courage. Glad you had fun!

  7. Jodie says:

    The neighbourhood cats just smashed down my door and threatened me at gunpoint to turn this off or I would get it “like that tuna did”… :)

    But honestly guys, a Private Booth?? You, Stu, as such an acclaimed performer of public displays of drunkenness should have demanded centre stage!!

  8. Tess says:

    You went to my fav hangout in A’dam! Stage for me [I’m a daredevil: used to singing in bands, half asian, I felt quite at home at this place]. The view from the other side of the glass must have been [a] spectacular: watching you lot totally flushed, moving lips, dancing [?] and no sound at all… ;)

  9. Invader Stu says:

    Emiel Stòpler – I’m sure they have heard worse… well… maybe.

    Ash – Cool. You and your roomies can be my groupies.

    BlondebutBright – I think we completely droned out the music. We were singing quite loud.

    Jodie – A few more drinks and I might have.

  10. VallyP says:

    I’ll vote for you Stu…anyone who can destroy Bohemian Rhapsody so well that even my dog started howling deserves some recognition ;-)

    Great story…I loved the bit about the orphaned microphone ;-)

  11. VallyP says:

    He he, Stu, I think you were commenting on my blog as I was commenting on yours ;-) I like your book extract – It reminded me of a dog we had once that was inclined to view men’s legs in the same light as tree trunks..lol.

    By the way, I was also writing a new post at the time you were leaving your mark;-) You get a mention in it too!

  12. awannabewriter says:

    You have a cute and interesting blog. My hubby comes from a long line of dutch folks.

  13. Dragon lady says:

    Its not fair. Your Dad and I sat at the computer full of anticipation(having heard you sing to Elvis at Christmas) I pressed the bar and got the message “The plug in was found but an error in the plug in has occured.” Can we have a private recording PERLEEES.

  14. Invader Stu says:

    Tess – We must have looked like crazy people. What was the name of your band?

    Dragon lady – I’ll email you the file

  15. Invader Stu says:

    VallyP – You’re dog can be in the band :) Thanks for the mention.

  16. Invader Stu says:

    Thanks awannabewriter. Is he Dutch himself or just has Dutch ancestors?

  17. ChickyBabe says:

    Argh… I have to reconnect my PC speakers to hear Idol Stu. Back another day.

  18. Tess says:

    Aug 28, 2007 you’ll be able to howl at the moon again; but you’ll have to go to Canada :9
    I’ve sung in so many bands, unknown though… but had lots of fun!

  19. Tess says:

    Didn’t realise I used upper case in my email address, these Gravatars don’t seem to like that, that’s why it wasn’t showing; daft as a brush…

  20. Joe says:

    I think the last time i heard something this….unique, was when they released that secret footage of Hitler trying out for the Aryan Idol Competition in 1941. The death of 6 million Jews suddenly made more sense after that.

    On the bright side, since the Dutch are all weed-smoking Vikings anyway, i think your vocals would probably smash the competition.

    :) ace post Stu, keep up the good work!

  21. Tess says:

    Tenakalaz are you one of them Crazy 88 Stu mentioned earlier?

  22. Joe says:

    hmmm, where did my comment go?

  23. Tenakalaz says:

    damn I hadn’t commented on this post…….oh now I have

  24. Tenakalaz says:

    testing my gravatar

  25. Invader Stu says:

    ChickyBabe – If I don’t hear back from you I will assume you died from a eardrum burst.

    Tess – I could do that. It could be my tour.

    Tenakalaz – I still can’t see it. I’ll see if I can give you a hand with it later.

  26. Tenakalaz says:

    I want my gravatar to stop being rubbish. Gonna hassle you later about this stu!!

  27. Tenakalaz says:

    WOOHOO!!!! yay!

  28. Invader Stu says:

    It’s working now. Nice to see you are using the one I made for you :)

  29. Tenakalaz says:

    No, I was one of the crazy 89, but I left after artistic differences and started a solo career. Now I just wander Japan looking for the man that murdered my sensei in a really clichè kind of way.. ;D

  30. Joe says:

    Stu, My comments arn’t getting through for some reason! ive tried posting twice now, to no avail :s stupid pc!

  31. JaG says:

    Oh that was BAD!!

  32. Tess says:

    I would love to listen to the sample again and throw in my two cents, but the first attempt killed my speakers :9

  33. Tenakalaz says:

    hehe, left with a cheddary taste in your mouth ?

  34. Invader Stu says:

    Anyone want to take a guess as to which line was sung by me?

  35. Dragon lady says:

    I was just going to ask you that. Were you the high one that did the di di di di bit near the end? Yes I finally got it to work (though it won’t work today) So don’t bother to send it to me. No really there is no need…. I beg of you please don’t, no really pleeeese don’t.

  36. Invader Stu says:

    Dragon lady – So not even ‘a voice only a mother could love’ applies here? Ouch. Even worse you got it wrong. That part was not me :p

  37. Andy says:

    Haha, silly me was looking forward to the new site design, it looks to me as it has changed, but i can’t remember what it looked like before so I’m really not sure! Either way it looks great and i love the comics ;)

    Andy

  38. Tess says:

    Dragon Lady, if you click the Gravatar logo right above your entry it will take you to the website where you can find the info you’ll need :)

  39. Dragon lady says:

    Right I’m feeling left out now and a bit old. What is a gravatar and why havn’t I got one?

  40. VallyP says:

    Meep Stu. I tried to sign up to Gravatar, but now I have, I don’t know how to get a pic on there. It’s all a bit too technical for me….sniff….as my dog would say…s’not fair ;-(

  41. ellen says:

    That was a very funny post. I loved the singing, would love to have been a part of it.

  42. Invader Stu says:

    Tess – My singing claims another victim

    VallyP – You just need to up load a image and assign it to an email address

    TheJackal – Thanks. I just got it.

    Ellen – If you love sining you would not have liked to have heard the amount of songs we murdered.

  43. Dragon lady says:

    Tess, thanks but I have insider help. Stuart is going to help his poor old Mum and do it for me. Like VallyP its all to technical for me.

  44. Jodie says:

    @ VallyP: Shall I add it to the IT list of stuff to do with you ;)

  45. georgie says:

    hi, could someone tell me the address/name of the karaoke bar mentioned? i love karaoke, but whenever i’m in amsterdam i never know where to go to…:-(

  46. Invader Stu says:

    Here is the web site Georgie: http://www.thewavekaraoke.com/

    It’s called The Wave Karaoke Bar and is on Kerkstraat.

  47. ChickyBabe says:

    The ‘magnifico’ line… oh my ear drums! My PC speakers are humming…

  48. Invader Stu says:

    Nop. That was not me either :) I sang, “He’s just a poor boy from a poor family. Spare him his life from this monstrosity.”

  49. Manictastic says:

    I’m glad I don’t live in Holland. That was the worst attempt ever. :D From this day on worth I no longer support the Olympic code of Participating is more important than winning. :D

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