Losing England To The Dutch In a Game of Pool

Losing England To The Dutch In a Game of Pool

This is something I have never done on this blog before but it is time for me to make a formal apology… to the people of England. I have done something terrible in a moment of stupidity and… well… there is no way to sugar coat this so I’m just going to come clean and say it. The Dutch now own England and it is all my fault.

During a Sunday afternoon in an Amsterdam bar I engaged in a game of pool with some friends. We decided it would be fun to form two teams; Dutch vs. British. After a few friendly games we decided to make things ‘interesting’ by putting a little wager on the table. This ‘little’ wager was that if we (the British Team) won we would own Holland and if they (the Dutch Team) won they would own England. I think you can guess where this story is going. I lost England to the Dutch. It seemed like a good idea at the time right up until the point when we (the British Team) lost to them (The Dutch Team). Now our home land is owned by two Dutch guys with the must Dutch sounding names imaginable, Jochem and Jeroen. However, we now all have to call them King Jochem and King Jeroen (unless one of them opts for being the Queen).

This means that any body living in England who does not wish to wear orange, eat bitter ballen or listen to music by Frans Bauer should emigrate to Wales or Scotland (which I luckily did not gamble away). I know this will be hard on all of you but as you all try to learn Welsh or try to learn how to love deep fried Mars Bars and pizzas I hope you can take some comfort in the fact that it was a very close game. It all came down to the black ball in the end and some jolly bad luck.

I’ve not spoken to the Queen yet but I expect that she will be very angry with me when the news reaches her. I fully expect I will receive a jolly good telling off with lots of finger waving and use of my full name as I look sheepishly at the floor. I am sorry I lost England.

But fear not people of England. If someone is willing to lend me their country for just a short while I’m sure I can win England back. I hear there is an underground chicken racing game organized by an ex-mob boss which is taking place in just a few days. I’ve got a good tip so I’m sure to win a few other countries in the process. Trust me, what could possibly go wrong?

11 responses to “Losing England To The Dutch In a Game of Pool”

  1. Gigi says:

    You can borrow my beautiful Puerto Rico. Actually, even better, use USA. Don’t think many people will miss it much at this point… =P Cheers!

  2. Keith says:

    Funny that! I bet on a horse called “Space Invader” t’other day, and because I was a bit strapped for cash I put Holland on as my wager. If the fecking horse had won at 500/1 I would now own the known world, but the lame bastard thing tripped over at the first fence so I lost, and I must inform you that Holland is now owned by William Hill (Bookies)!

    So you see, you had no right to bet with Holland. S’not yours now anyway!

    See me at playtime….

  3. The Captain says:

    I’m happy to bog off to Wales. We’ve just about burned England out. The Dutch are welcome to the chavs, neds and pikeys.

  4. seb says:

    Thats pretty much how the colonization of Africa and the Indies happened during the Victorian times. Only the English used Cricket and in the long run it has backfired quite severely.

  5. Brother Tobias says:

    I was just going to lend you Wales – if the Captain doesn’t mind.

  6. dragonlady says:

    You get worst Stuart. But I quite like Orange.

  7. kiks says:

    I’m with Gigi- please gamble the USA away to the Dutch.

    Oh, while you’re at it, would you win me a small Carribean island, please? Kthxbai.

  8. Tess says:

    Funny to see these ‘patriotic’ reactions towards The Dutch/The Netherlands *hehe* [hate to disappoint some but Holland is not a country] Stu I moved to the UK for a reason [and I refuse to wear orange]… please don’t make me regret it :p

  9. Ana Luisa says:

    Stay away from Brazil.

  10. Invader Stu says:

    Even after a few more pool games we have not one it back yet but on the plus side we have not lost anything else… yet.

  11. Anneke says:

    Haha, I’m happy to take over England, you sure the Queen doesn’t mind?

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