Drunken Horoscoop

I have spent every evening of the last week sat in different bars around Amsterdam consuming various alcoholic beverages with random friends. For some strange reason almost every possible type of social excuse for getting intoxicated has occurred with in this one week.

The only explanation for this that I can think of is a very strange alignment of stars which has had a profound effect on my destiny. A destiny (it seems) that was to be mainly spent in various stages of drunkenness. If I had read my horoscope for the last week I am sure it would have read a little something like this:

– Monday –
An invitation to participate in the celebration of a friend’s birthday gives you the opportunity to try something new when you visit a local cocktail bar.

Unfamiliarity with cocktails will lead you to select drinks at random by using the close your eyes and point system of selection until you find the one you like. However, the taste will become less of a deciding factor in the selection process as you haphazardly drink your way through the list of available brightly coloured and strangely named beverages.

Your lucky drink today is: Singapore Sling (other wise known as ‘that red looking one’)

– Tuesday –
You might feel a little hung over today but the return of a familiar face to Amsterdam is cause for more alcohol fuelled celebration at your local bar as you listen to exotic stories of travels around far away countries. Each new story brings with it another round of drinks.

Beware friends baring vodka limes, especially those who do not have to go to work the following morning when you do.

Your lucky phrase today is: Happy Hour

– Wednesday –
You might be woken up by a hang over that makes it feel like there are dwarfs mining for resources in your skull but there are more stories to be heard and more alcohol to be consumed before your visitor returns to his travels.

Your lucky word today is: Nurofen

– Thursday –
Saying goodbye to a co-worker as he leaves the company might be sad but it also provides the motivation for more alcohol consumption today as you reminisce about old times and try to ignore your ever growing hang over.

Arriving late at the bar might save you from early drunkenness but an empty stomach and attempts to synchronise your drinking with the rest of the group counter acts this preventative measure. You soon catch up with and then over take your friends in levels of intoxication. Later you try to find something to eat as you stumble home.

Your lucky food today is: Febo

– Friday –
You are hung over but it is Friday. Do you really need an excuse?

Your lucky number today is: The phone number of the local AA group

15 responses to “Drunken Horoscoop”

  1. Eric Boltjes says:

    …And then it says “Posted in: Drunkness by Invader Stu @ 6:22 am”… Dude, I feel an intervention coming on!! Oh wait, I think I was there in the pub with you every night you mention…

  2. Invader Stu says:

    Eric – I like to hit the bottle early. Don’t pretend you don’t :p

  3. Ana Luisa says:

    Meanwhile, I am yet to go to the Tueday Interns Drink Night (or something like that); oh, wait! I don’t drink… :P

  4. Jay Cam says:

    lol sounds like an awesome week!

  5. ChickyBabe says:

    Geez! why can I have your Monday-Tuesday horoscope?!

  6. Manictastic says:

    I wonder what you’ll be doing during the weekend.

  7. Tess says:

    I think you’re constellation is in the shape of some liquor bottle, any bottle, there aren’t any Milky Ways left. And your galaxy exists of black matter the morning after! Your universe is far out… :p

  8. Invader Stu says:

    Ana Luisa – We must have different star signs then :p

    ChickyBabe – Are you a Capricorn?

    Manictastic – Having my stomach pumped most likely

    Tess – All the star signs are named after different drinks

  9. Aisling says:

    Wow, this post made me want to go drink! Unfortunately, it’s only 10am… but that does make it 5pm in England!

  10. Invader Stu says:

    Aisling – It’s always drinking time some where

  11. marycub says:

    A horoscope bases mainly on alcohol consumption! LOVE IT! :-D

    mc

  12. VallyP says:

    Stu!!! You’re in danger of confusing hangovers for real life….errr…. maybe it is…hmmm..well, from one of your biggest fans, you’re too good for that…

    For all my clucking, this was very amusing ;-)

  13. sophie says:

    HAHAHA!!!!
    my god Stu, one of these days you will make me die of laughter with one of your posts…!! :-D on the other hand, it’s SO nice!!!

  14. ChickyBabe says:

    Taurus.

  15. Invader Stu says:

    marycub – Thanks :)

    Gary – I have no objection at all. Thank you.

    VallyP – Does this mean you are planning an intervention?

    sophie – Hopefully I will not get arrested for murder by laughter.

    ChickyBabe – There is only one way to find out. Taurus vs. Capricorn drinking contest.

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