Dancing the Night Away


Whenever I am in a bar or night club having a few drinks with friends I find it impossible to stop myself from tapping my foot in time with the music being played. It doesn’t even matter if the music is terrible. Half the time I don’t even realize I am doing it.

It’s as if a little devil and angel are sitting on either shoulder while they argue with me in the center. The subject of their argument is not my mortal soul however. The debate that rages between them is much more important then that. To dance or not to dance?

Despite my involuntary foot tapping I have always been someone who initially resist the call of the dance floor as if everyone’s attention will be on me as soon as I step a single foot upon it.

However, I always find it impossible to stay on the side lines for long. Slowly the foot tapping turns into a head bob. The head bob turns into a sway. The sway turns into a dance and before I know what has happened I suddenly realize I am out on the dance floor getting jiggy with it as if guided by some unknown mystical force. This might partly explain why I ended up dancing like a maniac last Friday while wearing a large novelty pimp hat. I was later described as a dancing machine but still have no idea of where the hat came from. Hopefully it was not from an actual pimp.

Threw my experience with involuntary dancing I believe I have worked out the mathematical formula that predicts what will make someone dance. I have worked out this highly scientific theory using a percentage system. The closer to a 100% scored during the course of the night the higher the chance that dancing will ensue:

  • If there is no one on the dance floor: -20%
  • If there is a small group on the dance floor: +15%
  • If there is a large group on the dance floor: +25%
  • If there is a really embarrassing drunk person on the dance floor who will over shadow even your worst moves: +15%
  • If the really embarrassing drunk person is alone on the dance floor and you will be in direct competition with them -20%
  • After consuming four beers: +25%
  • Every additional beer after four: +10%
  • After every beer over eight: -12%
  • After 12 beers: You are the really embarrassing drunk person.
  • After 16 beers: Call an ambulance. Find a stomach pump. Reset to 0%
  • Your favorite song (otherwise known as the Catalyst Song) is played: Multiply score by 1.5.
  • The Catalyst Song rule also applies to the following: YMCA, Fame and the head banging part of Bohemian Rhapsody.
  • 52 responses to “Dancing the Night Away”

    1. ellen says:

      I hope you’re wearing hip pads.

    2. Rose says:

      You’re a dancing machine. When I use to go to clubs I was always the first on the dance floor. Got pics of your pimp hat oh and if you get an increase in traffic that is because I reviewed you on stumbleupon.

    3. Tess says:

      Just out of curiosity: your new science formula, would that apply to linedancing too? ;)
      (ps I noticed the time isn’t correct, it’s 03.00 in the morning, why does it come up with 11.00 pm?)

    4. Tess says:

      Er, never mind… time to get some sleep I reckon… *I swear it was 11 pm earlier*

    5. Tenakalaz says:

      you hit 200% last weekend then….. ;)

    6. ChickyBabe says:

      Hehe… I like the head banging part of Bohemian Rhapsody! Do we get a cartoon of Stu doing the YMCA? :)

    7. Jean-P says:

      I’m doing the Macarena against my mirror and it just would not cut it. It’s probably the mirror. Might not make it for this Wednesday. Do you know how long these things take? Is there another index? For all the rest included on the drill I got an aweful 20



    8. vallyP says:

      I’ve just had the chuckle I’ve been needing all week, thank you Stu! I am currently being weighed down by the might of the great bureaucratic brick wall, following the theft of my bag with all my improtant papers, phone and just about everything that proves I am who I say I am. One thing is settled though. Try as I might, I can do absolutely nothing until I have my new passport, so I may as well sit back and enjoy Invading Holland ;-)

      Loved your last post, Ginger but Dim! Seems you caused quite a stir with your BBB meeting. And this one is also trés amusing. It’s amazing how much Dutch courage seems to be needed to get out there and let loose…maybe that’s the follow up…hmmm…why is it called Dutch courage??
      Nice one Stu and thnx again. Needed that smile!

    9. JaG says:

      Great formula! Doesn’t really apply to me though. I dance no matter what.

    10. BlondebutBright says:

      Yes, also in my experience girls seem to be more prone to dancing. Guys seem to join more in order to leer and girls and possibly grope them a bit, too. Of course I’m not referring to you!

      These observations are mainly made from my Midwest dance club experience, back when I actually knew how to party…

    11. Invader_Stu says:

      Tenakalaz – I think you might be right

      Rose – Thanks. I’m checking out stumbleupon at the moment.

      Tess – It could maybe. I will have to investigate this.
      (It could be timezone settings)

    12. Jean-P says:

      I was actually referring to Macarena vs Catalyst Song. Getting from one to the other without incident at the carpet in both feets and no melt.

      Maybe Thursday?



    13. tenakalaz says:

      Sorry I fel compelled to answer Tess.

      Nothing ever applies to line dancing, as the very term “dancing” doesn’t really apply.

      A collective performing the same motion, vaguely in time to the rather stupid music is a better way to sum it up!

      Dancing for those without rhythm or love for music….

    14. Invader_Stu says:

      ChickyBabe – I hadn’t thought of that but he does almost look like he is doing the Y.

      Tenakalaz – So you don’t want to come to the line dancing club this weekend then?

    15. tenakalaz says:

      go, I am organising it. Free stetsons allround!!

      Bring on the Billy Ray Cyrus

    16. zoe says:

      i can’t remember the last time i went out dancing. clubbing isn’t my scene as it’s far too messy – but an 80s club, anybody ?

    17. Alan says:

      There is of course also that moment when the half remembered bit of intro music plays and you are just drunk enough to shout “oh I love this song,” to which someone will ask “what is it,” and you have to admit, “don’t remember, love it though,” and then it turns out to be Pepsie and Shirley and you can never show your face in public again.

    18. marycub says:

      YMCA? Fame? Bohemian Rhapsody? What clubs do *you* go to?? Sounds like my old student union *shiver*

    19. Invader_Stu says:

      Jean-P – Do you mean how long learning to dance takes?

      VallyP – I hope everything gets sorted out soon

      JaG – I was thinking about adding: If you are a girl +85%

    20. Tina Dealy says:

      Can’t wait to go out to a club,,,,Now that we are in the Netherlands! Yes you read correctly, we are now living in the lovely city of Rotterdam. OK some may not agree with it, but Rotterdam has is strong points. Anyway, i just wanted to thank you for all the the advise with my sons, DS and playstation etc. I was told by a dutch man, that I was way to hot to have children,,,so as you can imagine,,,I LOVE THIS PLACE,,,HAHAHA! Again, Thanks, Tina

    21. Jodie says:

      You forgot two songs on your list Stu, “Dancing Queen” and that one from Dirty Dancing that goes “I’ve had the time of my life” :)
      Always guaranteed to get people on the dancefloor!

      Still, I applaud your willingness to dance. A lot of guys are too scared to get down and boogie no matter how much alcahol they’ve consumed but as a girl I can say it is infinitely better dancing with a bloke than a bunch of girls… especially since girls always seem to take their handbags with them which can lead to embarrasing “dance” moves that you didn’t actually intend to pull off *ouch*

    22. Amanda says:

      Pimp hat indeed. Cowboy-style, leopard-print, with fake US dollar bills stuck in the sides. Yee-ha, cowboy! What was your catalyst song by the way??? I’ll have to remember to request it early next time!

    23. marycub says:

      Any songs that are from Dirty Dancing make me leave the club not get up and dance. Over played pap. Dirty dancing has got to be my all time most hated film. My trigger song when i’m drunk is usually “Can’t Touch This” which is way way classier than any of the aforementioned suggestions :-P

    24. Ash says:

      Ha ha, you’re the cutest!

      I’m pretty much a dance floor maniac without any equation! I don’t even care if I’m the only one!

      And line dancing! I LOVE IT!!!!

    25. tenakalaz says:

      marycub – do you do the running man dance when you hear it ?

    26. Invader_Stu says:

      BlondebutBright – Not referring to me? Only because I could not have gotten away with it on that dance floor… just kidding :p

      Jean-P – I’m not sure I understand what you mean. What’s happening Thursday?

      Zoe – I still like 80s music :)

      Alan – Even worse is singing along but getting the words wrong.

      Tina Dealy – It’s great to hear you made it and like it so much. If you ever have any questions about anything feel free to email me.

      Marycub – I’ve not heard them in a club yet but if I did I bet you everyone would start dancing :p

      Amanda – I thought it was a pimp hat. Maybe it was a cowboy pimp. For the record when ever we at club rascal (indie rock night) the song I always have to dance to is ‘Kids of America’ I’m not sure why.

      Jodie – Although guys don’t have hand bags to take on the dance floor you will see a lot that take their pint. This can lead to some embarrassing spilling.

      Marycub – Hahahahaha. Sorry. I can just see you doing the Hammer dance now.

    27. Invader_Stu says:

      Tenakalaz – The slow-mo run?

    28. tenakalaz says:

      heheh yeh the slow-mo run….. otherwise known as the running man, check it out


    29. Tess says:

      to Tenakalaz: perhaps if you would move to the countryside you might learn to appreciate it… ;)
      *waiting for T to take the bait…*

    30. Ash says:

      I’ve definitely been line dancing!!! 1) We learn it in school, and 2) I’m from Calgary- we like to pretend to be country.

    31. Invader_Stu says:

      Tenakalaz – Oh yes. I’ll be dancing like that next time we are out.

      Ash – Have you been line dancing

      Ellen – Hip pads?

    32. Tenakalaz says:

      Back at ya Tess :) – I lived in the countryside in the U.K so it was more Morris than line, and even billy ray gets put off by a may pole, but unfortunately I was afflicted with something that prevented an appreciation of line dancing at a genetic level.

      In my family we call it rythym…

    33. Tess says:

      LMAO, you guys are bad… *me like…* Well that will be a 120 an hour for this session, next session will be reduced to only a 100, when shall we meet?

    34. Jean-P says:

      Therapy is to dance as shoes are to guns. You cannot pay enough for a good pair. It’s like the contract that states ‘I’m your lawyer, you can’t put me in jail for murder’, which, by the way, is not unlike the ranting blabber: much candy, no sugar.



    35. Tess says:

      Actually… I was talking about therapy sessions, but they involve dancing [if you like]… And come on… don’t start naggin about prices, tenakalaz; we will have to work on your expectations as well! I’ll do it for free :9

    36. Tess says:

      You two crack me up! STOP it! I’m getting wrinkles… geez. Well done gentlemen! I guess I blew my cover mentioning my homepage here. *darn* Well I’ll think of something else… to be continued

    37. Invader_Stu says:

      I’ve seen Tenakalaz do some country dancing. I think he’s a closet line dancer.

    38. Jean-P says:

      Tess, got the link at the trekkie convention? They love shrinks too



    39. tenakalaz says:

      It’s true, I am coming out here online…… give me cowboys boots and a Mullet, I need it and want it….

      Oh my god, my achy breaky heart…… it’s such a relief to get it out, thanks stu.

      Can we get a few people round tonight for a group hug and to bust some moves.

      just going to go call my family now, its about time they knew.

    40. ellen says:

      You know, given your tendency to injure yourself….My mom has them, in the nursing home, although they do make one look rather elephantine…

    41. Invader_Stu says:

      Tess – Are you talking about dance sessions or therapy sessions? We might need both.

    42. tenakalaz says:

      aaah ok stu, you understood dancing or therapy.

      for those prices I was expecting a little more………

    43. tenakalaz says:

      Tess – you a therapist ? NLPér ?

    44. tenakalaz says:

      take that back, I have read your blog and seen your flash animations. So I assume (never a good idea) that you also work in I.T somehow.

    45. Invader_Stu says:

      My highly tuned detective skills tell me that Tess is a Freelance Graphics & Multimedia Designer as well as a digital artist.

    46. tenakalaz says:

      thanks Sherlock!!

    47. marycub says:

      Not I. The running man, possibly. More like the “get out of my way, this is a CHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!” woman :-)

      The mere mention of line dancing reminds me of a tutor i had a uni who looked like Ned Flanders and dressed in demin ranch-style shirts and the tightest tightest jeans – we all “knew” he was a line dancer in his spare time. Therefore i can not take this form of dance seriously, especially since it doesn’t really seem to be dancing.

    48. Ash says:

      Any Man of Mine Better Walk The Line…

      And by Line, I Mean LINE DANCING!

      * FYI: You non country-ers “Any Man of Mine,” is a song by Shania Twain.

    49. andy says:

      I’m not familiar with country but then that does sound enticing.



    50. tenakalaz says:

      I think even lovers of country are offended by the twee pop tart that is Shania Pain.

    51. Dragonlady says:

      What about the Birdie song

    52. flicka says:

      aaah, dancing is fuun! at least when you’re drunk… not drunk, not so much fun. :P hmmm…

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