Lies About The English – Part 2
1) Buses, phone boxes and letter boxes are all bright red because every English person is colour blind. If buses, phone boxes and letter boxes were not red no one would go anywhere, phone anyone or post anything.
2) The post service in England is called the Royal Mail because the Queen likes to deliver every letter personally (and Prince Philip deals with the overseas post).
3) There are sharks in the Thames.
4) No one has ever told the Queen that we lost the empire a very long time ago. It is every English person’s responsibility to make sure she never finds out.
5) Every English person can quote every line from Monty Python and Faulty Towers and does so on a daily bases.
6) England is the main importer and exporter of rain and bad weather in Europe.
7) English people like to complain and can complain about anything. Even if there is nothing to complain about the English will complain about the fact that there is nothing to complain about.
8) The English are well known for their politeness, shyness and modesty when it comes to receiving compliments but secretly we crave them, expect them and get quite annoyed if they are not given often enough.
9) If the English ever discover intelligent alien life they ‘will’ try to communicate by simply talking louder and expect to be understood (most likely while bartering for the intergalactic equivalent of a Spanish straw Donkey).
10) England is doomed if anyone ever figures out that the easiest way to bring the country to its knees is to cut off the supply of tea. The English are basically addicted to tea like drug addicts are addicted to crack. Have you ever seen a tea intervention? It ain’t pretty.
11) Those who use bad grammar are either executed or exiled to another country (why do you think I live in Holland?).
12) British Rail is well known for its train delays. There are still steam trains that are delayed due to leaves on the line.
13) Every English person has a butler. Even butlers have butlers.
Want to read more lies about the English? Check out Part 3 of this list.