Even More Lies About The Dutch

Lies About The Dutch

Lies About The Dutch – Part 3

1) There are two types of Dutch people. Those who wear clogs and those who don’t. They have a bitter rivalry.

2) Queen’s Day is the celebration of the life and work of 80’s singer Freddy Mercury and his fellow band members. The whole country joins together in singing such classic songs as; Bohemian Rhapsody, Don’t Stop Me Now, Fat Bottom Girls and I Want To Ride My Bicycle. We miss you Freddy.

3) In order to comply with Dutch coffee shop regulations Star Bucks is legally obliged to sell you weed if you ask for it.

4) The wearing of orange during important Dutch celebrations is to ward off evil spirits who are afraid of the colour. No one likes to talk about the mass disappearances of people who were foolhardy enough to forgo wear the protective colour during Queen’s Day or the European/World Cup.

5) Dutch mayonnaise is people.

6) Belgium is just a part of Holland the Dutch did not want any more.

7) The story of the little Dutch boy who put his finger in a leaking dyke to save his village is true. Sadly they were unable to repair the dyke and he is still there today. Although now he is referred to as the OAP with his finger in the dyke.

8) Elvis is alive and working at a Febo in Amsterdam.

9) Due to the sheer amount of weed present in Holland the entire country is constantly stoned from passive smoke.

10) The Dutch are deeply afraid of heights. Luckily their country is completely flat so this uncontrollable fear has never caused any problems.

11) No matter where you go in the world you will always bump into a Dutch family on Holiday. Neil Armstrong even encountered a Dutch family (Mr & Mrs Van De Leeuwen and their two children, Jan and Frits of Breda) upon arriving on the moon. However, NASA still dense this ever happened.

Want to read more lies about the Dutch? Check out Part 4 of this list.

22 responses to “Even More Lies About The Dutch”

  1. linda@adventuresinexpatland.com says:

    Loved this list Stu, especially Starbucks required to sell weed, the Dutch not wanting Belgium anymore and the Van de Leeuwen family, lol. But I must confess that I don’t get the mayonnaise line…

  2. Alison says:

    Brilliant! “Dutch mayonnaise is people.”

  3. Invader Stu says:

    Linda – Thank you. The mayonaise line is for all the nerds out there who have ever heard of the movie Soylent Green :p

    Alison – You are clearly a nerd too :p

  4. Lady in Red says:

    This all makes so much sense…. yes… good stuff ;-)

  5. Invader Stu says:

    Lady in Red – Thank you. And it is all true of course *cough* :p

  6. Windmilltales says:

    I don’t know where you get it from but you make me laugh every time I come on here!!! :)

  7. Kelly M says:

    The last point is so true. No matter where my partner and I go, we inevitably end up with a group of Dutch tourists chattering behind us. To hear that even the moon isn’t safe from the oranje folk is disheartening…

  8. Alison says:

    Oh, I am very much a nerd, and proud of it! :D

  9. Brandon says:

    Am I the only one who doesn’t see Elvis in that photo? I guess I missed the gag…

  10. Gez says:

    Great stuff :)
    Soylent Green – now there’s a classic begging for a remake. Though if the Dutch did it, would it be Soylent Oranje?

    I can agree with the Dutch holiday-makers but too – The girlfriend and I were in Exeter visiting my parents for a week or so. Walking round town she hears another couple talking Dutch!

  11. Iooryz says:

    I wouldn’t be surprised if a tourist would actually ask for weed at a starbucks.

    And it’s really hard as a dutch person to go on holliday where no dutch people are. ;)

  12. Invader Stu says:

    Windmilltales – Thank you :)

    Kelly M – Nowhere is safe :p

    Alison – Good to hear it

    Brandon – You’re not missing anything. I only put the link there because it was suggested to me that not everyone might be familiar with Febo.

    Gez – I have to admit that I have never seen the film though.

    Iooryz – If you succeed you are there with yourself… a Dutch person :p

  13. Unexpected Traveller says:

    Living inBelgium, as I do, I can only concur that it is the bit the Dutch may not have really wanted. or maybe the bit left over when they were drawing the map in.

    Of course, the Dutch must have been stoned at the time, because who would want to leave all the beer and speculoos here?

  14. Terri says:

    “Dutch mayonnaise is people.” LOL. That would make it Soylent Orange then?

  15. Terri says:

    Opps. Guess I should read the other comments before I make my own. Gez had the same thought about Soylent…

  16. osita says:

    I can’t believe it – I met the Van de Leeuwen family last year at a campsite just south of Maastricht. They said they knew Neil Armstrong but I thought they were exaggerating. Tell me, do they have a 1970s trailer tent in brown and (of course) orange?

  17. Invader Stu says:

    Unexpected Traveller – Good point. It was very foolish of them to leave all that stuff behind.

    Terri – It would make it very Dutch.

    Osita – That’s them. It really is a small world after all (with a lot of Dutch in it).

  18. Dragonlady says:

    Its amazing how many people thought of Soylent green. It was my first thought. Did I actually see a cult film all those years ago?

  19. The Soylent Green reference was too much. XD

    …Does that mean tea is made from Brits???

  20. allison says:

    i just returned from a 10-day vacation in california, utah, and arizona. and, i kid you not, we met dutch people at every single place we stopped. we dutch do love our nature.

    to be fair, we heard many more germans.

  21. Shamin says:

    In my early days , I always wondered if Orange is like royal families favorite colour or some weird Dutch witch or mage from 16th century told the royal family that they can sell more weed or attract more people in the village market if they dressed up in orange.

    Well your blog grew by one more reader over the weekend , probably to be added to new weird obsessive readers list. Read all your posts over in single weekend :)

  22. Invader Stu says:

    Dragonlady – I guess so.

    Barb the French Bean – You didn’t already know that? :p

    Allison – The German’s were not on the moon though so the Dutch still win :p

    Shamin – Nice to meet you.

Tags: , ,
%d bloggers like this: