Election Mix-up

Dear leaders of Holland’s various political parties,

I could not help but notice that you have all been working very hard and putting a lot of effort in to your campaigns. I have no doubt that you are all very excited about the upcoming elections and can’t wait to see which one of you will win. It is very nice indeed to see you all so motivated. However, I regret to bring to your attention that in your enthusiasm you seem to have forgotten one very important factor… I already took control of the country a few weeks ago.

I can only assume that there was some kind of mix up or you did not yet see the flyers I put up making the announcement. It does not matter. How this mistake happened is not important. The main thing is that you should not feel bad about it. We all make mistakes (you would not believe the amount I make daily) so please don’t blame yourselves. All I ask is that next time you double check who is ruling the country first before you get too carried away.

Since you’ve all worked so hard on your campaigns I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings by simply calling the elections off. So as a solution I propose that I officially enter the elections and declare myself the winner at the end of it all. That way everyone saves face and we can continue as normal with me, an Englishman, ruling over Holland.

Thank you so much for your understanding. I really appreciate it.

Kind regards
Your leader
Stuart



P.S – To keep things official I thought I would just share with you a few of the policies I am thinking of running with. Feel free to send me feedback and we can bounce some ideas back and forth:

1) Windmills for everyone! This initiative will solve both the housing and energy problem at the same time while also increasing to the Dutch ambiance of the country.

2) Open negotiations to have Holland’s next summer imported from Spain.

3) Outlaw and ban all mobile street organs (I am sorry but if I hear one more Abba hit or Disney song performed as organ music I’m going to lose it).

4) Begin a project to clean up and de-pollute the canals Amsterdam. Who knows what long lost treasures we might find down there.

5) Expand Sinterklaas’s jurisdiction to include all law enforcement (aka: naughty or nice checking) and reduce prison overcrowding by having convicted criminals dragged away by Zwarte Piet.

6) Officially ask the French to stop holding the Dutch flag the wrong way around.

16 responses to “Election Mix-up”

  1. Gez says:

    #6) – LMAO!

  2. Alison says:

    I’m all for #6. I think they should have to change their flag. It gets confusing when they hold the flag or hang it from the short end.

  3. Jennifer says:

    I think you could win with #2 alone… I mean you would win no matter what of course, um, your highness.

  4. Iooryz says:

    Maybe you can fix the fact that my voting-card has not arrived yet? And you might even get my vote ;-)

  5. Aledys Ver says:

    Dutch politicians didn’t hear the news of your take-over bec. they don’t watch the 6 o ‘clock Journaal. They say that Grenzeloos Verliefd is much more interesting … It’ll be shocking for them to hear… All that hair “verf” gone to waste in one particular case that shall remained unnamed…..! :)

  6. Yvette says:

    If you amend #6 to also admonish the Luxembourgians for their flag you’ve got my vote!

  7. Juli says:

    #4 is already underway!

    Oud Amsterdamsch Plastic Visschen
    Zondag 2 september om 12.00 uur
    Hanneke’s Boom, Dijksgracht 4, Amsterdam

    http://plasticwhale.org/plastic-visschen/
    or on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/events/424209500934205/

    So if you have some time to spare this sunday afternoon…

  8. Care to rule over the U.S. as well? Our Presidential elections are coming up, and so are the histrionic advertisements that pit each candidate against the other 24/7.

    You’ve got my vote for rules #1 and #4.

    As for rule #6…no. Not until the Cartoon Stu in the banner (the one with his arms spread out) conforms to his own rule of holding the Dutch flag the right way. ;)

    Signed,
    Your Minister of Transport

  9. suus says:

    “As for rule #6…no. Not until the Cartoon Stu in the banner (the one with his arms spread out) conforms to his own rule of holding the Dutch flag the right way. ;)”

    Haha! French bean’s right :D Hey, I welcome our English king if you ban the mobile organs

  10. VallyP says:

    Has anyone ever mentioned a strange similarity between King Stuart III and King George III…..? Still, one thing you have over the mad monarch of the 18th to 19th centuries is a sense of humour. Brilliant Stu :)))

  11. VallyP says:

    PS, I’ll support both policies 1 and 2 without reservation, and number 6 will be good for a laugh – just to see the French reaction!

  12. Invader_Stu says:

    Gez – Hopefully the French agree

    Alison – Or they should just give us France :p

    Jennifer – I thought 2 would make everyone very happy. And thank you for your vote :)

    Iooryz – I can print you out one with just my name on it and send it to you

    Aledys Ver – I guess I’ll just have to go and tell them all personally if they don’t get this letter.

    Yvette – Done.

    Juli – It’s good to know I have your support.

    Barb the French Bean – If I do would you care to be the minster of transport for America too? And… oh… yeah… the cartoon…ummm… LOOK OVER THERE! SHINY THING! *runs away*

    Suus – Oh they are so banned :)

    VallyP – Don’t be fooled.I have the madness too :p PS. I can’t wait to see a French person comment.

  13. Likeahike says:

    I’m all for no 3. Fortunately the street organs didn’t make Unesco’s world heritage list, like Sinterklaas did. Could you please ban the Peruvian gypsies with their panpipes as well? They’re almost as bad.

  14. dragon lady says:

    Its Great to have you back after your holiday.Thanks for the laugh.Unfortunatly Spain has already agreed that England can import their summer next year, maybe you can try for 2014?

  15. Invader Stu says:

    Likeahike: I’ve not encountered many Peruvian Panpipes in Holland. Are there a lot of them?

    Dragon Lady – Darn. I’m gonna have to out bid my own country. Oh the pressures of leadership.

  16. Iooryz says:

    As the leader of the Netherlands, you automaticly revoked your British citizenship.
    And, if you PM me my votingcard (maybe on twitter), i’ll print it myself ;)

%d bloggers like this: