Relationship Advice Drug Dealer

Drug Dealer Amsterdam

When approached by a drug dealer in the streets of Amsterdam there are certain services you expect him to offer, that being the service of a drug dealer who provides questionable substances such as cocaine, ecstasy and various other things on the police’s no-no list. So I was taken a little by surprise when a drug dealer approached me in the street and offered me Viagra.

There were three things that made this strange. (1) He was offering Viagra. (2) He was offering it while I was in the company of a male friend. (3) He was possibly suggesting that if we were so inclined we did not find each other attractive and needed some help in the bedroom.

The possible attack on my sexuality or my ability to ‘get it up’ aside I wondered what other marital aids he had on offer. “Some aspirin for when she has a headache, sir?” or maybe “How about some candles and some Barry White music to set the mood, sir?”

Did he offer birth control too? “I can see you are a sophisticated gentlemen sir so may I suggest ribbed? For her pleasure, sir.”

How far would his services go? Did he give relationship advice too? “The thing you have to remember sir, is never forget to say ‘I love you’, even for the smallest things.”

Maybe he even did street marital counselling sessions? “Debby, please tell Andrew why you are upset with him and then let’s discuss those feelings.”

Or maybe my imagination was just running away with itself again.

“No thank you,” I replied.

“Maybe later,” My friend said with a wink.

(For more stories about bizarre encounters with drug dealers check out: The Gentlemen Drug Dealer)

14 responses to “Relationship Advice Drug Dealer”

  1. Breigh says:

    Nobody ever offers me drugs when I am in Amsterdam! My husband always tells me how he gets hit up to buy drugs every time he steps out of the station, yet I could walk around even the seediest parts of the city and nobody offers me nothing! I feel so ripped off. I did catch a guy trying to pickpocket my mom once on the tram though!

  2. zed says:

    I’ve never been offered drugs in Amsterdam either and I’ve been there enough times. Perhaps it’s that young look of yours’, Stu – or people think you’re gay…..

  3. Invader Stu says:

    Well it has been a while for me as well since I was offered drugs. I guess I look less like a tourist after all this time :p

  4. Keith says:

    I was once offered some Warfarin, (rat poison) at a party in Deutschland once. Do you think the qu… sorry, gay dealer was trying to tell me something?

  5. Invader Stu says:

    Keith – I hear rat poison has quit a kick to it.

    Maybe he was. I’m not sure I want to know what though.

  6. VallyP says:

    Interesting things they ‘get up’ to on the streets of Amsterdam ;-)

  7. A Touch of Dutch says:

    I’ve never experienced this either. But you do indeed have a list of stories to share & you always do so in such a hilarious way!

  8. Invader Stu says:

    VallyP – And that’s not even the worst of it :p

    Touch of Dutch – Thanks :)

  9. Anita says:

    Zeg !! You English guys react so cool. A Brazilian man would get very pissed off about that, would have a very bad reaction, ugh ! I do not attract drug dealers but male prostitutes (in Central Station, in Kalverstraat, etc.) A LOT !!! I fulminate them with my “minachtig” eyes and evaporate from the scene. HOW DO THEY DARE ????

  10. Anneke says:

    *snicker* Nope, I’ve never been offered drugs in my life. Not in my previous small-town world, nor in Amsterdam. Maybe you should try to look more purposeful? Big strides that say, “I have business somewhere else, and to those trying to slow me down, DIE!” :P

  11. Invader Stu says:

    Anita – Wow. I never knew they approached women in the street like that.

    Anneke – I always make sure I have that look when survey people are around

  12. Renée says:

    it was a long time ago that I was offered drugs whilst in Amsterdam. But I remember it clearly, like it was yesterday. It was very late, I had been drinking and I was alone (stupid, I know). I was walking to CS and this guy stopped me and offered me cocaine. Being drunk and stupid I actually challenged this guy as to why he would just sell drugs off the street! We spent a good half hour discussing his reasoning behind it – his wife died and his son was sick, he’d lost his job… yeah right… but THANKGOD I challenged one like this and not one that decided he would just bash me over the head, drag me down an alleyway, have his way and then dump me in the canal.

    Viagra, though. That’s a new one :-)

    And I totally imagined/heard Trainspotting dialogue for some reason when reading your post.

    (can I just also say I’m excited and honored that you posted on my blog today too by the way???)

  13. manictastic says:

    I didn’t know they spammed people with viagra on the streets nowadays as well. Maybe next time the dealers will ask if you are happy with your junk and whether or not you’d like a couple of extra inches. It would be funny to hear, and I do hope they don’t ask Scottish guys that question, coz let’s be honest, they’re gonna proof they don’t need it by, you know :P

  14. Invader Stu says:

    manictastic – Maybe they will start offering mortgages to.

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