11 Apr

Drugs Space Cake Side Effects

Everybody loves cake, even the Dutch. Maybe this explains why they combined it with one of the other things they are famous for (and I’m not talking about cheese, tulips or an open view towards sexuality). The resulting combination is the kind of cake that would be ill advised to serve at a children’s birthday party unless you wanted to keep the normally hyperactive mini humans very quite and docile for the whole day. It is in fact the kind of cake that can be purchased in Dutch coffee shops where (despite the misleading name) coffee is not actually the main product they sell. I’m talking about cannabis cake, other wise known as space cake.

I had tried space cake myself once before when a friend wanted test subjects for his baking (I don’t think he was following a Jamie Oliver recipe). I found main side effect of space cake to be an uncontrollable ability to giggle at anything and everything but with one bad side effect. It made me recommend a very dull movie to a few friends as the most hilarious thing I had ever seen (upon my second ‘space cake free’ viewing I realized my mistake).

Last weekend, while sitting out side an Amsterdam café with a group of visitors, the idea of trying space cake was raised again. Although I had turned down the previous offer of a smoke I said yes to the idea of space cake after some thought. Using cannabis is something I have done very rarely (I can count the amount of times on one hand) and the decision to do so usually involves a few drinks but how could I turn down a chocolate cake (even a chocolate space cake). After all it would only make me a bit giggly.

To protect the identities of the other members in the group I will simply call them; Veteran Smoker, Experienced Smoker and Newbie Smoker. An hour after the consumption of our space cake based cannabis the effects started to present themselves. Newbie Smoker started having uncontrollable giggling fits. Even the simple act of walking seemed to be enough to produce high levels of mirth. Experienced Smoker on the other hand started to get paranoid that our efforts to calm him down were an attempt at hypnotising him for our own diabolical ends. Veteran smoker seemed unaffected but had a sudden and strange interest in McDonalds. I myself was feeling quite aright as well despite having eaten as much space cake as everyone else. My head was a little light but I was able to keep it together.

Veteran Smoker and myself returned Experienced and Newbie Smoker to their hotel and then set off home ourselves. I was quite pleased with myself and the way I had managed to stay level headed and in control during the whole experience.

At least I was until I started to forget what I was saying mid-sentence. My communication skills had suddenly put on the emergency break as the words that would have formed the rest of my sentence went into hiding. The sudden and desperate need for a dictionary was not the only oddity. I had also completely forgotten the subject I was talking about. The fact that we were sitting on a train and the subject was also about trains did not seem to help my temporary amnesia.

It’s worth mentioning that I was not worried at any time during this experience because I understood why it was happening. This is a good thing because at one point I completely forgot where I was for a few seconds. If my brain had not decided to take a sudden vacation at that moment I might have been able to peace together the subtle clues that would have told me my location. Clue number one; I was sitting on my sofa. My sofa, as if by coincidence, happens to be in my front room, in my house, in Holland, on planet Earth. I should not have needed a global positioning device to work that one out.

When my brain decided to return I was able to start putting the clues together. I realized I was sitting on a sofa. It’s was only a small victory of spacial awareness and memory recall but it was a start. Unfortunately my brain must have still been in holiday mode because it took leap at the answer before it had taken in the rest of the surroundings. For a split second I actually thought I was sitting on my parents couch. It just so happens that my parents couch is not in my house. My parents couch is in their house which happens to be in the UK, across the sea, on planet earth. However, this fact did not stop me being concerned for a moment about what they might say when they realized I was not feeling myself. A second later everything came back into focus and I realize I did not have to worry because they would never know (until they read this that is).

A little while later I got the munchies and found a new deep and spiritual meaning behind the movie Twister before going to bed only to have a very confusing moment when I was woken up by my flat mate’s cat which I thought was trying to communicate with me. I think it’s safe to say the space cake turned out to be a lot stronger then I thought it would be.

I didn’t have another encounter with cannabis until a few years later when a weed plantation was discovered in my apartment building which caused a few of my neighbours to get unintentionally stoned.


36 responses to “Let Them Eat Space Cake (Side Effects)”

  1. zed says:

    Stu, your stories are absolutely classic and hysterically funny. I’ve never tried space cake but would like to, but am worried as to whether or not it would make me feel ill – smoking weed does, so I gave up eons ago.

    I’m interested in the ‘spiritual meaning’ you found in the film Twister. Your head was definitely turning. Oh, a pun – everybody laugh!

  2. Tenakalaz says:

    amusing to say the least…… I loved the look of utter confusion the most… looking to me like I could in someway help the situation.

  3. Invader Stu says:

    Zed – I’m having trouble remembering what it was but it was very zen. I might have unlocked the mysteries of the universe but I forgot.

    Tenakalaz – Did I really do that?

  4. Ash says:

    Mmmm…. cake sounds awesome… I never know how pot affects me, because I’m always drinking, so it’s like “Am I drunk or high?” Although I think it is, like you, the cause of my inability to form complete thoughts, since when I JUST drink, I am quite talkative. A little too much so, many would say.

  5. Invader Stu says:

    It was interesting for me this time around because I was able to tell the difference. Like you I have normally had a few drinks and can’t tell drunk from stoned. This time I was sober and could tell what was what.

  6. BlondebutBright says:

    Hey! I’m having a sweet craving! You’d better invite me next time. :) I like how you shared the experience with different levels of experience – must have added to the entertainment factor.

  7. Dragon lady says:

    The bit about forgetting what you were saying in mid sentence had me a bit worried, I do that all the time. Its known as a senior moment. Or maybe our government is putting canibis in our food stuff as a diabolical plan to take over the country. Oh sorry they have done that all ready.

  8. Invader Stu says:

    BlondebutBright – Next time I’ll let you join me on my journey into confusion. It was a very strange experience.

    Dragon lady – It’s ok to admit you have a drug problem. You don’t have to blame the government (and here was I expecting a telling off) :p

  9. Tatyanna says:

    HAH! This was a fun read. Made me smile and wish I could visit Holland again for some Space Cake!

    I uhm…didn’t partake in such things for 13 years or so until about a year ago when I was corrupted by a good friend. My friend that I erm..*partake* with and I are voracious talkers. We talk for hours about politics, the meaning of life, etc. Recently, it’s been reduced to, Me: “I think I have the answer to World Peace.” Him: “Cool, what?” Me” I think that….uhm..*scratches head*…shoot…what…was…I….Damn!” :p

  10. Jodie says:

    I ate space cake once. It was the queen’s birthday and it was my first trip to Amsterdam… I almost ended up taking a bath in a canal, I was convinced my orange feather boa tried to strangle me and I’m left with one single memory of all of Amsterdam smelling like the cat peed in the corner…

    Not an experience I plan on repeating.

  11. Peri says:

    Oh my gosh you’re funny!

    Someday when you make it to Canada you’ll have to come to my place and I’ll serve you the best hash brownies and mushroom tea! It’s best to stay in after that but things get exciting enough when you have to restrain the furniture from making a break for it while you’re not looking. Then, we’ll put on ‘Dude! Where’s My Car?’ and give ourselves a hernia.

  12. Peri says:

    I want a gravatar too!! Is this thing on?

  13. Peri says:

    I guess not =(
    I don’t know what I’m doing wrong here. Sorry for cluttering up your comments with my experiments. I’ll go and try to fix this on the blog of someone I don’t like very much.

  14. Invader Stu says:

    It’s not problem at all Peri. A few people have had a problem with it. What seems to fix it most the time is if you go into your gravatar account and re-assign the image you want as your defult images (even though it looks like it already is). Do don’t know if it’s a Gravatar bug or its just missleading and they have not assigned your image as they sat they have.

  15. roxanne says:

    I’ve never smoked or eaten the stuff. But I guess cake would be the most pleasant way to experience it. Although with your little story, maybe I should avoid the sweets if I ever visit Holland. ;)

  16. VallyP says:

    Aaah Space cake! Yes, I know…..

  17. Invader Stu says:

    Roxanne – Just don’t by them in coffee shops

    VallyP – Sounds like you have some stories to tell :p

  18. Tess says:

    Space cake… brings back memories. I was 15… I came home once from a gig, totally spaced out when my parents told me to sit down on the couch and tell them all about the concert. It was total disaster: not able to speak, staring, avoiding eye contact and trying hard not to burst into laughter.

    It must have been such a relief when you realised that it was actually your own couch you were sitting on and not your parents’… ;)

  19. ellen says:

    How many pieces of that stuff did you eat?

  20. ChickyBabe says:

    What does it really tastes like? I’m hungry…

  21. Tenakalaz says:

    Chocolate with a hint of pond mud, and no I’m not joking.. ;D

  22. Invader Stu says:

    Tess – How long did you get grounded for :p

    Ellen – Just one cup cake

    ChickyBabe – Tenakalaz is telling the truth but at leasts it has a hint of pond mud and not Dutch canel

  23. Wendy says:

    So, lets get this straight. Veteran Smoker said to Newbie Smoker “Where’s Experienced gone?” To which Steaming Stu said “He’s outside feeling a little queer”. Well, what do you expect when eating cat-shit cake with just a hint of weasel piss in it! Doesn’t exactly make you feel a little gay does it?

    I’ll stick to my fairy cakes, thank you.

  24. Tess says:

    Until that night when I caught my dad red-handed holding a spoon in one hand and a jar of peanut butter in the other… My mother had been accusing me and my brothers for days while we had no clue what she was on about. ;)

  25. Grendel says:

    Forgetting where you are while sitting on your own damned couch, and then worrying that you are on your parents’ couch is almost the definitive space cake moment, with a little Freudian twist even, and this one was hilariously rendered in prose. Thank you. The only time I ate space cake was on a quick trip to A’dam from England. Our brilliant idea was to eat it before getting on the bus back to England in the evening, the bus that would go onto the ferry (I think, I don’t remember that far into the trip). All I do remember was suddenly and firmly believing that the people sitting in front of me in the dark bus interior were talking together, the whole way, about how high I was. I was so ashamed and frightened that I did not move a muscle for hours, at least until the point, I guess, where I have no further memory of the night at all. Since then I’ve taken take my cannabis rolled up and lightable, and my cakes without that sandy, gritty, spacey extra ingredient of hashish that made my trip back that night a trip through hell.

  26. Invader Stu says:

    Wendy – Don’t forget that it is baked in canal water :p

    Tess – Did he get grounded? :p

    Grendel – That’s why I was happy it only really kicked in when I got home. That sounds like one freaky bus trip.

  27. Mel says:

    I finally made it to Amsterdam last monday. Although I didn’t make it so the coffee shops, or the Red light District (I had been driven there by a host cousin with no sence of adventure), I did loooove it. And had fun making fun of the stoners….

  28. VallyP says:

    Yes, Stu, just the very idea of space cake conjures up nostalgic memories of spending about four hours in a churchyard staring at a daffodil, thinking it was the most remarkable object in all creation….that was a classic spaced out episode as a result of eating vintage space cake ;-)!

  29. Invader Stu says:

    Mel – You’ll have to come back someday and see the ‘other’ sights ro are you still here?

    VallyP – Sounds very funny :)

  30. marycub says:

    I once made space brownies with an eighth. Me and a friend ate them all between us – with eyes as big as saucers we floated into to town for a night out. Much better experience than smoking it i find :-D

  31. Rose says:

    Red stay off the cake! Seesh! :)

  32. Invader Stu says:

    marycub – And you call me a trouble maker :p

    Rose – As long as I can have normal cake I will be happy

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  34. I AM ZIM! says:

    Dude, I’ve read your story while under the effects of space cakes! When reading your story I’ve lived myself in your situation! I were you for 10 minutes! The best read ever and extremely funny!

  35. sarah says:

    Love it. Bought my first cake and will heed advise as usually smoke. Joint yesterday in Amsterdam dam turned me into a giggling school girl laughing hysterically . the floating flower market was dazzling enough before the and bulbs have never been so sexy until ……until I defied gravity circumnavigated the globe in the skip of a heartbeat.
    Lost all time and space and landed back in a foreign country truelly were bicycles mysteriously breed behind your back and the weird and wonderful have the best arranged marriage on this globe.
    Reality check for me…..nibble the cake.

  36. Ray says:

    Had a cake yesterday in mellow yellow Amsterdam Wow after an hour when i closed my eyes the colours were bright and images floated towards me of things and people. 2 hours later i went to a club party – for first two hours there were times i felt i waqs no t really there and that it was a dream. Everyone I saqw looked fit and gorgeous i lost spacial alwareness . All the time I was aware i was well high and made the correct decision no to drink or do more when offered. 4 hours later was more3 composed but even the monring after still had some after effect

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