Sleep Talking Conversationalist

Sleep Talking

As I quietly sneak into the bedroom I carefully close the door behind me, slowly, gently, desperately trying not to make a sound. It is late, my wife is already asleep and I do not wish to disturb her from her peaceful rest. I tip toe across the room with all the stealth of a ninja while constantly checking that she is still sleeping. I have almost made it to my side of the bed when a quiet voice suddenly creeps out of the dark, the voice of my beloved.

“Did you find the bicycle frames?”

It’s the sheer randomness of the question that catches me off guard. It’s not the kind of thing you expect to be asked at 1:30 in the morning while sneaking through the dark. I run the question through my head again in case I simply miss understood it. I come up blank.

“No?” I reply in a tentative whisper. It seems like a reasonable response since I have not actually located any bicycle frames recently.

“Oh.” My wife replies with a sound of sleepy disappointment.

That seems to be the end of it and for a moment it almost is but I’m so confused by this line of questioning that I simply have to know more.

“What bicycle frames?” I ask.

“You know…”

I really don’t but I let her continue. It seems rude to interrupt.

“… the ones the school children use.”

School children? What school children? I’m not familiar with any school children and I’m even less familiar with their bicycle frames. Maybe my wife is not actually aware that she is still asleep.

“I think you are talking in your sleep my dear.”

“I’m not. I’m really not.” She informs me, dismissing my theory.

Now I am even more confused than before. If she is not sleep talking then what in the hell are we talking about. Did she give me some kind of task involving bicycle frames that I simply forgot about or ignored because I was too busy playing computer games.

“But… bicycle frames?” I exclaim.


“Bicycle frames.” I repeat, trying to keep her focused.

“Bicycle frames?”

“Yes! Bicycle frames!” My voice has reached the volume of a loud whisper now which in reality is not a whisper at all, just an impression of one. I am determined to get to the bottom of this mystery now.

“What?” she responds in annoyed but sleepy confusion, “I’m trying to sleep. Why are you asking me about bicycle frames?”

”But you….. Oh.”

The fog of confusion suddenly clears as I realize what has happened. My wife who was indeed talking in her sleep when she started us upon this strange subject has since woken up during the course of the resulting conversation. She is unaware that she brought the topic up herself. In fact, as far as she is concerned she has just been woken from her peaceful slumber by her husband randomly repeating the word ‘bicycle frame’ over and over again. Suddenly I seem like the insane one.

I try to think of the best response to this, the best way to explain the situation in a mature and logical way. I come up blank again.

“Yeah…Well… you started it.” I tell her and go to sleep.

12 responses to “Sleep Talking Conversationalist”

  1. Jules says:

    At least she wasn’t sleep-killing?

  2. Thanks for the laugh. Fortunately she wasn’t sleep-talking about more problematic material.

  3. Yvette says:

    I had this happen to me once at summer (astronomy) camp- my roommate kept asking me “is it time yet?!” when I snuck in super late at night and I had no idea what she was referring to.

    This roommate also muttered while sleeping “don’t move the telescope… don’t move the telescope” which was rather entertaining to me. :)

  4. Alison says:

    I’ve been known to have conversations in my sleep, with no memory of them the next day. I just have to hope nothing embarrassing is discussed!

  5. Oh, this was hilarious! XD

    It truly would have been an awkward situation if you tried to explain that one…

    At least she wasn’t a somnambulist like my French Ex. He would tell me stories of how we would sometimes wake up in the kitchen sitting in a chair. o_O

  6. Terri says:

    That was truly funny. I’m still laughing, especially at your “mature and logical” response at the end…LOL.

  7. Dragonlady says:

    I had a conversation with your Dad about a plate of egg and chips one night. He still denies it even now.

  8. Dragonlady says:

    Did she give an explanation in the morning?

  9. Aledys Ver says:

    The Dutch are so obssessed with their bikes that they even talk of them in their sleep? :)
    When I was studying for my GradCert (British Studies) I used to take the books I was reading for my courses to bed and go to sleep with Glorious Revolutions and beheaded kings in my head… and apparently I talked in dreams of the stuff I had been reading. One day my roommate asked me in the morning over breakfast – “so, who is this Cromwell guy, someone I know?” :)

  10. Invader_Stu says:

    Jules – If that happened I would sleep on the couch

    Miss Footloose – Luckily not

    Yvette – Hehe. I guess it was more a case of sleep astrology then sleep talking :p

    Alison – Same with me. Luckily I’ve been told I mostly mumble and can not be understood.

    Barb the French Bean – That sounds like something out of a horror movie

    Terri – It’s the response I use for everything

    Dragonlady – No, nothing

    Aledys Ver – Hehe. Brilliant.

  11. Sabrina says:

    That’s too funny :) I once woke myself up giggling in my sleep – apparently it sounded more like I was having a nightmare and my boyfriend kept asking if everything was alright. I didn’t want him to get worried, so I told him what was so funny in my dream. He thought I was talking in my sleep and asked me what 7+8 was…. I thought he had lost it, but apparently the reason for his weird questions was that while you can talk in your sleep, you can’t do math. Supopsedly that’s the easy way of finding out if who you’re talking to is sleeping or not. Not sure if and how well it works, but maybe you could try it next time :)

  12. Sabrina says:

    Sabrina – That’s a brilliant story. Although I don’t think it would work with me because my maths sucks. People would think I was sleep talking all the time.

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