As I quietly sneak into the bedroom I carefully close the door behind me, slowly, gently, desperately trying not to make a sound. It is late, my wife is already asleep and I do not wish to disturb her from her peaceful rest. I tip toe across the room with all the stealth of a ninja while constantly checking that she is still sleeping. I have almost made it to my side of the bed when a quiet voice suddenly creeps out of the dark, the voice of my beloved.
“Did you find the bicycle frames?”
It’s the sheer randomness of the question that catches me off guard. It’s not the kind of thing you expect to be asked at 1:30 in the morning while sneaking through the dark. I run the question through my head again in case I simply miss understood it. I come up blank.
“No?” I reply in a tentative whisper. It seems like a reasonable response since I have not actually located any bicycle frames recently.
“Oh.” My wife replies with a sound of sleepy disappointment.
That seems to be the end of it and for a moment it almost is but I’m so confused by this line of questioning that I simply have to know more.
“What bicycle frames?” I ask.
I really don’t but I let her continue. It seems rude to interrupt.
“… the ones the school children use.”
School children? What school children? I’m not familiar with any school children and I’m even less familiar with their bicycle frames. Maybe my wife is not actually aware that she is still asleep.
“I think you are talking in your sleep my dear.”
“I’m not. I’m really not.” She informs me, dismissing my theory.
Now I am even more confused than before. If she is not sleep talking then what in the hell are we talking about. Did she give me some kind of task involving bicycle frames that I simply forgot about or ignored because I was too busy playing computer games.
“But… bicycle frames?” I exclaim.
“Bicycle frames.” I repeat, trying to keep her focused.
“Yes! Bicycle frames!” My voice has reached the volume of a loud whisper now which in reality is not a whisper at all, just an impression of one. I am determined to get to the bottom of this mystery now.
“What?” she responds in annoyed but sleepy confusion, “I’m trying to sleep. Why are you asking me about bicycle frames?”
”But you….. Oh.”
The fog of confusion suddenly clears as I realize what has happened. My wife who was indeed talking in her sleep when she started us upon this strange subject has since woken up during the course of the resulting conversation. She is unaware that she brought the topic up herself. In fact, as far as she is concerned she has just been woken from her peaceful slumber by her husband randomly repeating the word ‘bicycle frame’ over and over again. Suddenly I seem like the insane one.
I try to think of the best response to this, the best way to explain the situation in a mature and logical way. I come up blank again.
“Yeah…Well… you started it.” I tell her and go to sleep.