Mosquitoes – Sometimes They Come Back

Mosquitoes

The terrifying events of last summer seemed like a distant half forgotten memory but we were too quick to celebrate in our victory. All the time our enemy was regrouping and re-planning as they watched us from the shadows with their hungry eyes. We were too blind to take notice of the early warning signs. When they descended upon us again we were unprepared. We were defenceless. We were fools. The yearly cycle has begun again and the mosquito horde has returned to feast upon us.

The little flying Nosferatu have abandoned the stealth tactics they used last year in favour of physiological warfare. They are no longer content with silently sucking on my blood while I sleep; unaware of the unauthorised blood donation that is taking place. Instead they purposely torment me by trying to use my ear as a landing pad every time I close my eyes. They won’t let me sleep. Sometimes I even think I can hear them laughing evilly as they buzz past.

I am not sure why they have chosen to do this. Either the mental torment makes the blood taste sweeter or they simply like to see me slap myself in the side of the head every time I try in vane to hit them when they land.

Every night I eventually pass out from exhaustion, unless I hit myself in the side of the head hard enough to render myself unconscious first. When I wake up the next morning I have enough bite marks for a thoroughly engrossing game of connect the dots (which I expect one day to reveal a hidden mosquito message).

The mosquitoes have pushed me too far. I am not taking it any more. I am going to take the fight to them using Rambo style tactics and as much bug spray as I can get my hands on. I have already stock piled so many mosquito death devices that it probably won’t be long before the UN is knocking on my door to investigate reports of WMDs on the premises. However, the only WMDs they will find will be Weapons of Mosquito Destruction.

This is my declaration of war on all mosquitoes every where. Let this day be marked in history. We will no longer let their crimes go unpunished. No longer will we allow them to steal our blood. No longer will we put up with annoying itchy bite marks. No longer will we do nothing while their buzzing keeps us awake. Today we stand! Today we fight! Who’s with me?

Stuart

Stuart is an accident prone Englishman who has been living in the Netherlands since 2001. Even his move to the country was an unintentional accident, the result of replying to a cryptic job advertisement he found one day in a local British magazine. Since then he has learned to love the Dutch (so much so that he married one of them) and now calls the country home. He started the blog Invading Holland in 2006 as a place to share his strange stories of language misunderstandings, cultural confusions and his own accident prone nature.

19 Responses

  1. be.bart says:

    WMD: weapons of mosquito destruction

    That joke’s so bad it killed every insect in a two mile radius when I read it aloud.

    Go on, try it!

  2. Em says:

    Just discovered your blog and had to leave a comment… Great job, I’ll definitely be back!! Also I am moving to the Netherlands soon so I guess the testimony of a fellow expat can be very helpful!

    Oh and regarding the mosquitoes… they seem to have found me too. I once bought a little electronic key-ring thingie that emits a high-pitched noise supposed to repel them. Well at least on the leaflet it said so… I guess now I am back to good old (stinky) citronella

  3. Ian says:

    Mozzie nets, 6 euros a pop at Ikea. You too can have an Arabian love nest in your bedroom…

    For some reason, either English ones don’t like me or I don’t react to them. Anywhere else and I have an itchy bite for 4 days straight. And am I the only person who gets mozzies in the bedroom in January?!

    Or maybe I’m being followed by mosquito-wielding ninjas.

  4. Nadeshiko says:

    Stu, I suffer from the same, except that I react immediately to the itch and THAT keeps me awake. No chemicals. The only thing is indeed a mosquito net. Don’t get the IKEA ones (been there…) the holes are too big. You got to go to Klamboe (www.klamboewinkel.nl) I think in A’dam there is one in Prinsengracht. Or camping stores. They are expensive but well worth the sleep. It solved it for me – now we also got nets on the windows (new cats) and no mosquitos here so far :-)

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