The Hema Invasion

Hema in London

I should have seen this coming. It was obvious really. I could only claim to be ‘Invading Holland’ for so long before Holland decided to retaliate. I guess declaring myself the new king of Holland was the final straw. Now Holland has invaded England.

The Dutch store Hema has opened its doors in London and things will never be the same again!

This might sound like an overreaction at first but anyone who has visited one of their stores in Holland will know how dangerous shopping in one of them can be. They sell everything and at low prices too. You might go in only intending to buy some printer ink but before you know what is happening you’ve exited the store again having just bought; some new oven gloves, a usb stick, a packet of Stroopwafels, an orange t-shirt (for next King’s Day), some storage boxes, an inflatable rookworst (that can not be eaten), super glue, a Jip and Janneke story book and a new bicycle bell. You didn’t even by the printer ink you went in to buy because why would you need to when you were just able to by a new Hema printer so cheaply. Hema is a very dangerous store.

And who knows what affect the influence of Hema will have upon the English culture.

1) Will Queen Elizabeth start having Stroopwafels with her afternoon tea?

2) Will the British public start whistling the famous Hema whistle everywhere they go, unable to get it out of their heads?

3) Will the iconic British red buses, telephone boxes and letter boxes all be repainted orange?

4) Will Hyde Park and Regents Park be closed to the public and converted into tulip fields?

5) Will Jip and Janneke start making appearances on Children’s BBC? Will Miffy suddenly change her name to Nijntje?

6) Will Big Ben be converted into a windmill?

7) Will London be taken over by bicycles?

8) Will the Themes river be reclassified as a canal and will people start skating on it if it ever freezes over?

9) Will England expand its landmass by flattening all of its hills and using them to reclaim the sea around it?

Only time will tell.

27 responses to “The Hema Invasion”

  1. What about the cheese? The cheese, man! All cheese will become a variant of Gouda!

    I am now worried that a similar thing will happen here in France: Hema has invaded not only Paris but also several cities across the whole country! (Except Le Mans, of course.)

    Should I be concerned that the Luxembourg Gardens will become a Keukenhof or that the Eiffel Tower will be converted into a windmill? (Then again, if I take enough medication and squint at just the right angle, la Tour Eiffel should pass off as a windmill. :P )

  2. Saskia says:

    Jip and Janneke. Nijntje. Tell me you did that on purpose.

  3. Joan says:

    Counter attack required. Bring Debenhams over here or better still an Asda superstore!!

  4. Likeahike says:

    Just be glad it’s the Hema invading England and not the Febo.

  5. pom says:

    You forgot to menton the quality of their products. Any store can be cheap.

  6. suus says:

    I helped the govern..the hema. I admit. It was just a matter of time before you’d find out. I.. sigh… bought 5 of those adorable cans with stroopwafels, travelled to Asia and gave them away. Yes, Asia’s next.

  7. suus says:

    It’s not a coincidence my 3 year old nephew calls hema: hemel. “Are we going to the heaven auntie suus?”

  8. Eden says:

    Now I want stroopwafels. When will Hema invade the States?

  9. Kieran says:

    More options to buy stroopwafels over here. That can only be great news!

  10. dragonlady says:

    Alas the Hema near us does not have a restaurant so no coffee and cake when I visit. Still that might be a good thing. I’m still trying to loose all the weight I put on during my last visit. Dutch apple cake, pofferjys (sorry cant spell it properly) pancakes not to mention the cheese.

  11. AstridQK says:

    WHAHAHAHAA, the Hema is only the first store to come. Soon you will see a Zeeman and ….. a poffertjeskraam WHAHAHAHA.

    The Dutch are coming (beware!!!).

    :-P

  12. Who is invading? says:

    Actually Hema is fully owned by Lion Capital (England based)…, so who is invading who?

    Yesterday it was announced that the Hema is going to reorganize, so walk in take a look and think it was good while it lasted.

  13. Lita says:

    Woo hoo….. It means the famous kersentaart is coming to London too!!

  14. your editor says:

    Britain seems to have survived the C & A invasion well enough. Why not HEMA?

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