The Dutch Are Taking Over Scotland

Dutch Invading Scotland

Once you have become familiar with the sounds of the Dutch language in any way it becomes a very easy language to recognize and once you can recognize it you will realize it is impossible to escape the Dutch. They are everywhere. No matter which far away country you run to you will find them or they will find you.

This was something I was reminded of during my holiday to Scotland last summer. Everywhere I went the Dutch were there and I don’t just mean this because I was traveling with my Dutch girlfriend.

At first it did not come as a surprise when we heard Dutch amongst the other multitude of languages being spoken in our Edinburgh and Glasgow hostels. We did not go a single day without hearing the familiar throat clearing sound of the Dutch language from unknown Dutch people.

However, when we went even higher north into the highlands of Fort Williams and we were still hearing Dutch I started to wonder if I should get a restraining order.

One evening while we were enjoying a quite meal in an Indian restaurant I spotted a couple approaching the menu in the window for a read. From the way the man was dressed I got the strong impression that he was Dutch. I quickly dismissed this theory since it was possible that fashion had simply gotten that colorful and that bad in the rest of the world.

However, I quickly discovered I was right the first time when a short while later they entered the restaurant and spoke to the waiter in an accent so thick that I thought they were about to order a tandoori stamppot (I breathed a sigh of relief for the fashion sense of the rest of the world).

The following day we visited Ben Nevis, the highest mountain in Scotland. I felt pretty confident that it would be just us, some sheep and the odd Scotsman. We had not been at the summit for five minutes before I heard a child shouting, “Mama, kijk,” several times as he expressed his absolute surprise (and maybe fear) at being (a) above sea level and (b) on a vertically inclining surface steeper and higher than a speed bump (more commonly known as a hill).

Maybe that was it. Maybe we had never actually arrived in Scotland. Maybe we were actually in some rare part of Holland that had hills.

During the train trip from Scotland to London (which was starting to feel more and more like it was for the purposes of escaping the Dutch) we were still surrounded by Dutch couples speaking their native tongue.

By the time we arrived in London to stay with my parents I had heard so much Dutch that I would not have battered an eye lash if they had greeted us with, “Dag. Hoe gaat het?”

Scotland Wave
Scotland Smile
Scotland Bagpipes

Stuart

Stuart is an accident prone Englishman who has been living in the Netherlands since 2001. Even his move to the country was an unintentional accident, the result of replying to a cryptic job advertisement he found one day in a local British magazine. Since then he has learned to love the Dutch (so much so that he married one of them) and now calls the country home. He started the blog Invading Holland in 2006 as a place to share his strange stories of language misunderstandings, cultural confusions and his own accident prone nature.

27 Responses

  1. Keith says:

    I’m begining to think you’ve got some sort of obsessive disorder about Dutch people. Perhaps you ought to have a chat with a “psychiater”. Very soon?

  2. gyqz says:

    Hahahahahahahahahaha Tandoori stamppot….Couldn’t help myself laughing reading this!! As a dutch guy myself I find it very sickening coming across other dutch people everywhere I go….It is not the purpose of my travelling to seek out and meeting other dutch folk!!! If I wanted to do that, I would save money and just stay here…homebound…restrained …hahahahha. On the other hand : where ever I go I’m sure I can buy a ‘broodje kroket’ when I get the urge…hahahahaha
    De groeten…

  3. VallyP says:

    I’m a bit late here, Stu, but boy was it worth the wait…I LOVE this post..brilliant! And the photos…classic!! I’ve had similar experiences in SA too, and have started wondering whether my Dutch conspiracy theory is really true…have I told you about that? No? Ahaaaaaa, all will be revealed….

  4. Invader Stu says:

    Sarah – Oh you should have said it. It’s so funny in situations like that when people get busted.

    kerryanne – It gets a little scary sometimes doesn’t it.

    Dragonlady – They stole that one from Germany :p

    Keith – Me? I’m not obsessed with the Dutch. They are just every where. EVERY WHERE I TELL YOU!!!! MAhahaha.

    gyqz – It must make it feel like you’ve not actually gone on holiday sometimes.

    VallyP – I have to work out why some of your comments have got put into my spam folder :s

    I think you are right about the conspiracy theory. In fact I think they are getting into strategic places around the globe. Ready to strike.

  5. Just a Plane Ride Away says:

    All right. I’ve been in England less than 12 hours and haven’t heard a word of Dutch yet. Will keep my ears open ;-)

  6. Invader Stu says:

    Give it time :p

  7. Jules says:

    LOL! I thought it was just me! (Also went to Scotland last summer)

  8. Invader Stu says:

    Jules – The Dutch follow everyone on holiday

  9. Joeri says:

    We didn’t steal shit from the krauts, those foucking douchebags stole everything we had.
    by the way there are hills in holland, al lot of hills you should take a look in Limburg a provence in the south-east.
    and if you ever had history in school you should remember that during the period of 1600-1700 we ruled the world thats wy we’re everywhere and if you dont like it, well there is nothing you can do about it we wont leave just because you say so :P in fact if you say you dont like us being there we’ll phone in some relatives and buy the houses surrounding you ;) hahaha

  10. Londoner says:

    The Dutch love to travel and love Scotland, very true. And there’s a popular saying that there’s three things you will come across in any given country: Coca-cola, McDonald’s and Dutch people.

  11. yolandesign says:

    I’m Dutch. And yes, our family just loves Scotland! Wish i could live there! And boy, do we hate to see and hear Dutch people everywhere! Everytime we hear Dutch coming, we whisper to each other: “Code Orange!” and we keep very quiet! :)

  12. Irene Habes-Quené says:

    That’s very true about the English too, there’s not a place remote enough to not come across English people. I suppose we have that in common with them. But don’t fret soon enough we will be able to say the same about the Chinese.

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