In my second list of cultural exchange suggestions I would like to detail possible ways in which Briton could assist Holland. We’ve already provided them with loud drunk English lads stumbling through the red light district on stag nights and hippies that have not been able to find their way out of the local coffee shop since the 60’s. Both of these might have helped fund the countries tourist industry but there are other forms of aid we can provide.
1) Britain has an over abundance of hills and mountains which could be used to transform the flat and hill-less terrain of Holland. A percentage of Britain’s undulating terrain will be shipped in boxes to Holland and re-constructed in key locations where they will provide the most use to walkers, skate borders and motorists trying to jump start their cars.
British people that are accustom with hill climbing will be on hand at each location to help Dutch people acclimatize to the unfamiliar thinner atmosphere and out of breath feeling that comes with climbing something higher then a speed bump.
This export of terrain will also require that Briton’s Peak District is re-named to The Flat District.
2) Emergency supplies of salt and vinegar will be collected by charity workers from fish and chip shops around Britain. They will then be flown to Holland where they will be dropped via parachutes near snack shops around the country in the hope that they will realize they do not need to put mayonnaise on everything.
3) Jamie Oliver will be sent to Holland to demonstrate that it is in fact alright to cook Herring.
4) The NS (Dutch railway) and British Rail could run a ‘who has made the biggest blunder’ competition.
5) The surplus of English reserve and restraint is so excessive that it can be bottled and shipped to Holland where it will be used to suppress the Dutch comfortableness with public nudity. This one is simply for me so I don’t have to stare at the floor or ceiling when ever I am trying to navigate past the naked people between me and my locker in the gym changing room. Avoiding obstacles is not easy when you are trying your best not to look at them.