Cultural Exchange – Part 2

Cultural Exchange

In my second list of cultural exchange suggestions I would like to detail possible ways in which Briton could assist Holland. We’ve already provided them with loud drunk English lads stumbling through the red light district on stag nights and hippies that have not been able to find their way out of the local coffee shop since the 60’s. Both of these might have helped fund the countries tourist industry but there are other forms of aid we can provide.

1) Britain has an over abundance of hills and mountains which could be used to transform the flat and hill-less terrain of Holland. A percentage of Britain’s undulating terrain will be shipped in boxes to Holland and re-constructed in key locations where they will provide the most use to walkers, skate borders and motorists trying to jump start their cars.

British people that are accustom with hill climbing will be on hand at each location to help Dutch people acclimatize to the unfamiliar thinner atmosphere and out of breath feeling that comes with climbing something higher then a speed bump.

This export of terrain will also require that Briton’s Peak District is re-named to The Flat District.

2) Emergency supplies of salt and vinegar will be collected by charity workers from fish and chip shops around Britain. They will then be flown to Holland where they will be dropped via parachutes near snack shops around the country in the hope that they will realize they do not need to put mayonnaise on everything.

3) Jamie Oliver will be sent to Holland to demonstrate that it is in fact alright to cook Herring.

4) The NS (Dutch railway) and British Rail could run a ‘who has made the biggest blunder’ competition.

5) The surplus of English reserve and restraint is so excessive that it can be bottled and shipped to Holland where it will be used to suppress the Dutch comfortableness with public nudity. This one is simply for me so I don’t have to stare at the floor or ceiling when ever I am trying to navigate past the naked people between me and my locker in the gym changing room. Avoiding obstacles is not easy when you are trying your best not to look at them.

16 responses to “Cultural Exchange – Part 2”

  1. Tenakalaz says:

    Never cook the herring, just don’t………….

  2. Oliveira says:

    Now I’m wondering if we’re going to the same gym :) Does yours have people that say “Hi” when they exit the shower, so that you HAVE to look at their naked bounciness?

  3. Invader Stu says:

    Tenakalaz – I have no words

    Oliveira – It could be the same place :) Do you watch Law & Order on the cardio machine TVs while working out like me?

  4. ChickyBabe says:

    I’d love to see Jamie cook herring… and eat it!

  5. Peri says:

    I LOVE Jamie Oliver but I have to admit that he has not yet convinced me, or any other Canadians, to eat herring.

    If you can’t be naked in the gym changing room, where can you be naked? It’s ok – really! – and it’s also ok to make eye contact with naked people; just don’t pat them on the bum. Go on, give it a go!

  6. Tenakalaz says:

    had the walking tsunami in the gym last night, the guy determined not to dry himself inteh vicinity of the shower room, but int eh area where everyone wants to get changed into their normal clothes, but now can’t touch anything due to 6 inches of water everywhere. This person is also covered in water himself so just walking past him is like england in April…… thoughtless and ignorant…. (yes it annoys me ;))

  7. Invader Stu says:

    ChickyBabe – I can’t figure out if that was fantasy or a death threat :p

    Peri – I’m too English for gym room nudity.

    Tenakalaz – At least he did not try to dry himself like a dog… I’m just looking for the silver lining here.

  8. zed says:

    i love rollmops! don’t cook herrings – pickle them :) and what is it with brits and nudity – i go to a mixed spa whenever i can and it’s great. Q goes around slapping his stomach and saying “i’m fat and flemish – it’s great!”

    don’t ask why.

  9. Tess says:

    Cook herring? That to me sounds really gross, but then again I’m Dutch and have been craving for herring ever since I left the country… why don’t you just send the herring over here and you can keep J. Oliver? Deal?

    [ps thanks for the support earlier :) ]

  10. BlondebutBright says:

    Yeah – cooked herring? I’ve never even tried the raw stuff – it smells too gross. But cooked? That somehow sounds worse. I’m not sure why…

  11. Jake says:

    Regarding public nudity in gyms, try some of the baths and springs in Budapest. Took a trip there the other year. There’s a pretty big porn industry out that way apparently, so a few of us ended up playing ‘guess the pornstar’…

    Just take your own loincloth.

  12. Invader Stu says:

    Zed – I wont ask why if you don’t ask why I found his joke funny the other day ;)

    Tess – I had a feeling the herring suggestion would course some controversy :) I’ll send the herring and Jamie Oliver over to your house :p

    BlondebutBright – You’re just a herring hater. Poor herring. What did it ever do to you? :p

    Jake – Did you ask them for an autograph?

  13. seo2005 says:

    1) Stu, I agree with renaming the Peak District in Flat District, but i really have a problem in renaming the Lake District…

  14. Tom says:

    Eeewww rolls mops have to be one of the most discusting foods on this planet.. having tried them when I went on a school exchange to Sweden many years ago, I vowed never to never go within a 5 mile exclusion zone again!! :)

  15. Oli says:

    I love my hill, living in york I need it to avoid getting flooded twice a year!

    And I am all in favour of nudity in shower rooms, womens shower rooms, with lots of soap, rawr



  16. Dragon lady says:

    Dear seo2005, If we did export the lakes it could become the puddle district. Though why the Dutch would want even more water I don’t know. Anyway according to out government we need our water. They still havn’t lifted the hose pipe ban from last summer dispit some torential ran just lately.

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