Cultural Exchange – Part 1

When I first moved to Holland I quickly realized there were a few things that were done differently from my homeland. These were things I had to get used to. Such as; Dutch coffee shops are not the best place to buy coffee unless you want to order a Triple Latte Cannabis Espresso.

During the years I have lived in the country I’ve been witness to Dutch innovations and ideas that might benefit Briton. It is for this reason that I would like to propose the following list of ideas to the British Government. However, I will not be suggesting Starbucks starts selling Cannabis (no matter how much it might increase their profits).

1) Britain could increase its landmass by utilizing the Dutch technique for reclaiming land from the sea. This would make it possible to expand outwards through the surrounding waters and solve the over population problem. As a test The Isle of White (to the South) could be connected with the rest of Briton first. However, if this is successful a great deal of care will have to be taken when re-naming the newly combined island. Simply putting the two names together (Isle of White + Briton) could lead to a very bad misunderstanding.

In the second phase of expansion Ireland could be connected. Then in the third phase Britain could physically become a part of Europe, connecting along the edges of The Netherlands and Belgium (but probably avoiding France). Even after this it is most likely that the British public would still refuse to give up the British pound in favorer of the Euro.

2) Britain could also follow Holland’s example and try exporting cheese and tulips instead of the casual violence and binge drinking it currently exports to holiday destinations and football matches around the world. An extra benefit from this would be that the British government would no longer need to apologize for the actions its tourists.

3) Soho and the Red Light District could set up a work exchange program to learn from each other and combine their knowledge.

4) Education could be improved by following Holland’s example in a way that would also bring our two countries closer together. A lot of Dutch children learned to speak English by watching re-runs of the A-Team. British children could expand their language skills and cultural understanding in a similar way by watching repeats of Flodder.

5) The traffic problems in major British cities could improve with the addition of canal networks. Public transport barges would reduce the over crowding on The London Underground particularly. This would also require that the famous catchphrase, “Mind the gap,” is replaced with, “Mind the murky water and what ever you do, for the love of god, don’t drink it.”

Hopefully Tony Blair will take these ideas into consideration.