Student Politics

Politics has never really been my subject. It’s one of the topics that makes my head hurt if I think about it too much. Maybe that is one of the reasons why I decided not to run for the position of Student Council Class Representative when I was at college (as a theater design student). I left that responsibility to my fellow class mates who had more political ambitions. There were three candidates but only one clear winner once all the votes had been counted, Malcolm.

Malcolm had won by a land slide but there was one small problem, something that made it difficult for him to for fill his new position in student politics (or any thing else for that matter). Malcolm was an inanimate green amphibian, a stuffed toy frog to be more precise. He was our class mascot who had been nominated because we needed a third candidate.

He would have been more at home on the Muppet show then in a meeting room debating what should be available in the college canteen. It had been amusing to vote for him but we had to face facts. Malcolm was not capable of representing us (something that was fundamental to the position as the title suggested). His muteness would impair his abilities and influence on the student council. We were forced to take another vote.

Once all the votes were counted again the winning student was awarded with his new title. However it was not the title of Student Council Class Representative. That would have been unfair to Malcolm. Instead the chosen student was crowned, “The Voice of Malcolm.” He became Malcolm’s emissary, his vessel, his voice.

The Voice of Malcolm took Malcolm to every meeting of the student council and spoke his wishes aloud for them all to hear. I never attended one of the meetings myself but often imagined Malcolm perched on his shoulder while whispering ideas into his ear like something out of a Philip Pullman book. However, some suspected that The Voice of Malcolm was only speaking for himself. No one showed any signs of being unhappy though (even if it would have been a great injustice).

Then one fateful day disaster struck. Malcolm had been left by the studio’s open window. As he sat their minding his own business (either thinking about the pond out side or his dreams to climb the political ladder) he fell out of the window into the car park bellow. By the time we had reached the car park to rescue him he was gone. We will never know if it was a simple accident or a political assassination attempt that led to his disappearance.

We tried to find a replacement but no other toy frog was worthy of filling Malcolm’s shoes. He had become more then a class mascot, he was our leader and he was mourned. You might think the story of Malcolm I have told you is far too strange to be true but we really did vote for a stuffed toy frog to be our Student Representative, someone really was appointed as his voice and he really was lost the day he fell out of that window (we were strange/typical students). I like to think that maybe he is still alive some where (as alive as an inanimate green amphibian can be) living like a king and leading some small country we have never heard of to a state of prosperity. Long live Malcolm.

34 responses to “Student Politics”

  1. BlondebutBright says:

    Well, I just have to know – what college WAS this? ;)

  2. Aisling // Ash says:

    Awwww, that would be so wicked! I would totally vote for a stuffed frog! Lol. Sad that he went missing though. He’s probably working on some excellent political theories that will one day win the Nobel prize!

    Oh, and if you don’t read my comments thingy again, Thanks to the multiple Stuarts that are still reading my blog! Ha ha ha!

  3. Joe says:

    Ive said this before, and ill say this again:

    Legend.

    Long Live Malcolm!

  4. Miss Evvil says:

    Brilliant Stu!! This was just what I needed on a grey, cold and “buzy” day at work :D
    Your stories always make me smile, and very often laugh, which is not always so handy in a small open office, seing as my boss then figures out that I’m not deeply consentrated on my work ;)
    Anyways, I love this blog Stu!

    Greatings from a fellow “expat” in Holland (The Hague)

  5. Alisha says:

    I love your stories and the way you write them. You keep me coming back, I can’t get enough! :)

    Do you ever post photos of you/friends/holland/etc?

  6. Tenakalaz says:

    Wind in the willows high I believe wasn’t it stu.

  7. Invader_Stu says:

    Miss Evvil – Thanks. I’m glade you like it. I hope I don’t get you fired :p

    Alisha – Thanks :) I’ve not put many photos on here yet but I plan to put some of Holland up later.

    BlondebutBright & Tenakalaz – Yes. I had architecture lectures with Mr Badger, lighting lesions with Mole and rowing lesions with Ratty (I was never sure what rowing had to do with my course).

  8. Invader_Stu says:

    Ash – I still hope to see him again one day.

    I’ll remember to bring more of my split personalties next time (There was an issue with logging i.n)

  9. Emiel says:

    Maybe, in the land where Malcolm lives, they have a stuffed human to be their student representative. And maybe, that country is not as far away as we think…

  10. ellen says:

    Do you think there are world governments that are actually run this way? Puppet kings? Ouch, I’m makin my own head hurt….

  11. Tenakalaz says:

    about 7 hours by plane to new york…….. damn I can never keep secrets

  12. Invader_Stu says:

    Joe – Malcolm for world president

    Tess – Wow. That is freaky. It’s a super frog. Maybe it splits apart in to three when it needs to attack.

    Emiel – That sounds just a little scary. I’m not sure why.

    Tenakalaz – What? You know Malcolm? How? :p

  13. tenakalaz says:

    ssssssshhhhhhhhhhh……….. *cough*

    (between you and me, I heard he had joined the A-Team)

  14. vallyP says:

    Malcolm’s probably gone travelling with that garden gnome who keeps sending pictures of himself from all over the world to his former owners…in fact it’s probably Malcolm taking the photos.;-)

  15. Invader_Stu says:

    Tenakalaz – I should have guessed

    Ellen – I better not tell you about the other things we got up to at college then.

  16. Dragonlady says:

    Dis Malcom fall or did he jump. Maybe his voice wasn’t telling the truth and Malcom got fed up and ran away. Maybe he is sunning himself in the everglades or a tropical pond somewhere dreaming of his days as a politician.

  17. Wendy says:

    After a long and tiring search I can now report that Malcom is alive and well. Although now much old and wiser, he worked his way up the political ladder to become one of the “greatest leaders of all time” (his very words) and he’s changed his name to Tony Blair.

    PS He’s still green, and croaks a lot.

  18. Invader_Stu says:

    Dragonlady – I don’t know. It was quite high up. I don’t know if he would have jumped by choice… but maybe if the situation had gotten bad enough with out any of us realizing.

  19. Tamara says:

    Yesterday was premiere-day, so now I wake up completely exhausted and decide to start the day with breakfast (which I usually do) and your blog.
    Thank you. I just saw the best short movie! LONG LIVE MALCOLM!

    @Wendy: it’s not easy to be green ;)

  20. ChickyBabe says:

    Hmm…I think I dissected our Malcolm in biology class.

  21. Emiel says:

    You’re right, Stu. My comment about stuffed humans sounded a bit sinister. Quite unintentionally.

  22. PaulGuise says:

    Poor Malcom. Seems the fate of mascots as our class mascot Lumpy (a whitty and inventive stuffed bear) was bear-napped by a rival school. He was never heard from again.

    Although, has anyone considered that he may have staged the whole thing like Houdini did? Perhaps he just wanted escape from the political pressures he was surely feeling.

  23. vallyP says:

    I see PaulGuise is on the same wavelength as I am..lol…yes, Stu, the ransom notes should start coming in soon. The photos will probably be of the garden gnome tied to a chair, hanging over the Niagara falls, or maybe of Malcolm tied to a raft and left floating on a lily pond…in Japan…would be enough to tear at anyone’s heart strings and get the money rolling in ;-)

  24. Invader_Stu says:

    VallyP – I wonder how long it will be until they start a con by sending ransom notes for themselves.

    Wendy – I always wondered why some of the muppets cast could be seen sneaking in and out of number 10.

    Tamara – I’m glade you liked the story :)

    ChickyBabe – Murderer :p

    Emiel – As long as it was not once a living human :p

  25. Invader_Stu says:

    PaulGuise – Maybe Lumpy and Malcolm ran away together. There might be a secret island some where populated by old class mascots.

    VallyP – Maybe there will be a photo with one of them tied to railway tracks with the other dressed as a victor an villain.

  26. Jake says:

    I still think it was Neil who pushed Malcolm…

  27. Invader_Stu says:

    Jake (aka: The Voice of Malcolm) – Oh really? You had the most to gain from Malcolm’s disappearance.

  28. Jake says:

    I beg your pardon?! Do you mean that Malcolm was stealing MY thunder and that I wished him gone to the great lilly pond in the sky (or at least under the wheels of the nearest car)?

    The replacement was far worse. I still have photogaphic evidence of Malcolm the Pimp, you know…

  29. Jodie says:

    This reminds me of a traumatic event from my childhood when my best friend Kermit disappeared one day when I was trying to climb over a steamengine… I swear he was frog-napped but the police didn’t believe me! They accused me of frogicide by cornflakes! It was a tough three months in the clanger after that, surrounded by resentful puppets who all believed my guilt… *snif*

  30. vallyP says:

    Jodie has a good alibi, don’t you Jo. She was locked in a cupboard of my choosing…lol….that’s what she told everyone at the time anyway ;-)

  31. Invader_Stu says:

    Jake – I forgot about him or maybe I was just trying to block the memory out.

    Ginger Ale – We must not give up hope that he is alright where ever he is.

    Jodie – Can you prove where you were on the day of Malcolm’s frognapping?

  32. Invader_Stu says:

    So your in it together? Providing fake alibis?

  33. Jodie says:

    It was no fake, I tell you! My mother, who sometimes doubled as the wicked witch of the west in my childhood games, tells the truth… she locked me in a cupboard… or at least jokingly threatened to once, which made it an actual event to me :)

    As for the Malcolm’s frognapping, I have nothing to say about that except that if I were you I would interrogate the rabbit *nudge nudge wink wink*

  34. Invader_Stu says:

    I knew that rabbit could not be trusted…..

    What rabbit?

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