Warning Signs That You Are Becoming Dutch
Spend any amount of time in Holland and you are bound to pick up a few habits from the locals. It’s good to become integrated but here are a few warning signs to look out for that might mean you are becoming Dutch.
You Might Be Becoming Dutch If…
(Part 1)
1) You no longer freak out when someone reminds you that the entire country is below sea level.
2) You’ve forgotten what hills and mountains look like.
3) You’ve discovered a way of using the friendly greeting ‘hello’ as a sarcastic insult.
4) You’ve developed a natural instinct to sit in a circle at any party or social gathering that you are invited to.
5) You’ve continued to ride the same bike for the past two years despite the rather unhealthy and painful squeaking sound it has developed (which causes nearby pedestrians to bleed from their ears).
6) You’ve shouted at tourists while cycling past on a bike.
7) You’ve ‘pimped’ your bike with fake flowers.
8) You own either; a large pair of novelty orange glasses, a large novelty orange inflatable crown, a orange feather bower and/or a pair of orange dungarees that you wear at any other event that requires a display of Dutch pride (Queens Day, Football matches, etc).
9) You’ve developed an unhealthy obsession with mixing random vegetables with mashed potato.
10) You actually understood the above joke.
11) You now consider mayonnaise its own food group.
12) You think standing on the fragile ice over the city’s polluted (and often peed in) canals in large numbers is a good idea
13) You get excited about ‘Pepernoten Season’.
14) You now say “half a year” instead of “six months”.
15) You’ve eaten raw herring without it being part of a bet you lost.
16) You’ve stuck up for Sinterklaas in the annual Sinterklaas vs. Santa argument (and Zwarte Piet has started to seem less offensive).
17) You’ve considered red trousers a ‘fashionable option’.
For more warning signs that you might be becoming Dutch check out part 2.
And is this happening to you Stu? Are you being assimilated……
In other words then, you’re doomed??
As a lone Englishman in South Holland…. I understand all of the above. Lol.
As the daughter of two Nederlanders living in the United States…I understood all of them as well. And I still mash my vegetables with my mashed potatoes. Sometimes I add the meat as well. And applesauce. (Does anyone else do that??)
I *actually* understood the above joke…AND I do think red trousers are fashionable. :P
I laughed at all of them xD i hate red trousers though. And isn’t mayonaise?
Mmm. Pepernoten. I like to hoard bags of pepernoten and the small chocolate easter eggs for cravings that strike when the season has passed.
And yes, we have a preferred mayonnaise.
Lol, Stu. Guilty as charged!
Didn’t get the use of “Hello” as a sarcastic insult, why is that ? :)
Being Dutch I can clarify the “hello insult issue” When people say “hello” in this particular way they mean “Stupid bird brain, you are acting stupid,… behaving not socially,… you are so clumsy… etc.
Oh dear. I definitely shout at people while on my bike. And I definitely use hello as an insult. Usually on the train or bus when people are behaving in an antisocial manner.
Still don’t have any red pants though.
There are so many of these – how about …
Your underwear is named after a Swedish tennis player
oh man, the “You’ve discovered a way of using the friendly greeting ‘hello’ as a sarcastic insult.” is priceless!
AstridQK – Resistance is futile
Terri – Pretty much
Andy – That means you are becoming Dutch too :p
Allison – The apple sauce makes you extra Dutch :p
Barb the French Bean – You’re Dutch
Luuk – You’re right. Thanks for spotting that.
Alison – Easter was one I forgot about. It seems bigger over here in a lot of ways.
VallyP – Well you did come up with one of them :p
Anthony – Wait until you on the receiving end of it. Then you’ll get it.
MissNeriss – It’s only a matter of time :p
AJ – Luckily I have not started doing that yet.
Fabio – Only the Dutch seem to be able to do it too.
Sorry Stu, I’ve heard the English say Hello as an insult.
Dragonlady – Then all English people must be Dutch :p