Warning Signs That You Are Becoming Dutch

Becoming Dutch

Spend any amount of time in Holland and you are bound to pick up a few habits from the locals. It’s good to become integrated but here are a few warning signs to look out for that might mean you are becoming Dutch.

You Might Be Becoming Dutch If…

(Part 1)

1) You no longer freak out when someone reminds you that the entire country is below sea level.

2) You’ve forgotten what hills and mountains look like.

3) You’ve discovered a way of using the friendly greeting ‘hello’ as a sarcastic insult.

4) You’ve developed a natural instinct to sit in a circle at any party or social gathering that you are invited to.

5) You’ve continued to ride the same bike for the past two years despite the rather unhealthy and painful squeaking sound it has developed (which courses nearby pedestrians to bleed from their ears).

6) You’ve shouted at tourists while cycling passed on a bike.

7) You’ve ‘pimped’ your bike with fake flowers.

8) You own either; a large pair of novelty orange glasses, a large novelty orange inflatable crown, a orange feather bower and/or a pair of orange dungarees that you wear at any other event that requires a display of Dutch pride (Queens Day, Football matches, etc).

9) You’ve developed an unhealthy obsession with mixing random vegetables with mashed potato.

10) You actually understood the above joke.

11) You now consider mayonnaise its own food group.

12) You think standing on the fragile ice over the city’s polluted (and often peed in) canals in large numbers is a good idea

13) You get excited about ‘Pepernoten Season’.

14) You now say “half a year” instead of “six months”.

15) You’ve eaten raw herring without it being part of a bet you lost.

16) You’ve stuck up for Sinterklaas in the annual Sinterklaas vs. Santa argument (and Zwarte Piet has started to seem less offensive).

17) You’ve considered red trousers a ‘fashionable option’.

For more warning signs that you might be becoming Dutch check out part 2.

35 responses to “Warning Signs That You Are Becoming Dutch”

  1. AstridQK says:

    And is this happening to you Stu? Are you being assimilated……

  2. Terri says:

    In other words then, you’re doomed??

  3. Andy says:

    As a lone Englishman in South Holland…. I understand all of the above. Lol.

  4. allison says:

    As the daughter of two Nederlanders living in the United States…I understood all of them as well. And I still mash my vegetables with my mashed potatoes. Sometimes I add the meat as well. And applesauce. (Does anyone else do that??)

  5. I *actually* understood the above joke…AND I do think red trousers are fashionable. :P

  6. Luuk says:

    I laughed at all of them xD i hate red trousers though. And isn’t mayonaise?

  7. Alison says:

    Mmm. Pepernoten. I like to hoard bags of pepernoten and the small chocolate easter eggs for cravings that strike when the season has passed.

    And yes, we have a preferred mayonnaise.

  8. VallyP says:

    Lol, Stu. Guilty as charged!

  9. Anthony says:

    Didn’t get the use of “Hello” as a sarcastic insult, why is that ? :)

    • Marjolein says:

      Being Dutch I can clarify the “hello insult issue” When people say “hello” in this particular way they mean “Stupid bird brain, you are acting stupid,… behaving not socially,… you are so clumsy… etc.

  10. MissNeriss says:

    Oh dear. I definitely shout at people while on my bike. And I definitely use hello as an insult. Usually on the train or bus when people are behaving in an antisocial manner.

    Still don’t have any red pants though.

  11. AJ says:

    There are so many of these – how about …

    Your underwear is named after a Swedish tennis player

  12. Fabio says:

    oh man, the “You’ve discovered a way of using the friendly greeting ‘hello’ as a sarcastic insult.” is priceless!

  13. Invader Stu says:

    AstridQK – Resistance is futile

    Terri – Pretty much

    Andy – That means you are becoming Dutch too :p

    Allison – The apple sauce makes you extra Dutch :p

    Barb the French Bean – You’re Dutch

    Luuk – You’re right. Thanks for spotting that.

    Alison – Easter was one I forgot about. It seems bigger over here in a lot of ways.

    VallyP – Well you did come up with one of them :p

    Anthony – Wait until you on the receiving end of it. Then you’ll get it.

    MissNeriss – It’s only a matter of time :p

    AJ – Luckily I have not started doing that yet.

    Fabio – Only the Dutch seem to be able to do it too.

  14. Dragonlady says:

    Sorry Stu, I’ve heard the English say Hello as an insult.

  15. Invader Stu says:

    Dragonlady – Then all English people must be Dutch :p

  16. Louise says:

    I’m resisting on the herring and the kring; but if you say yes to all of them does that mean it’s time to leave?

  17. Amsterdam Tour says:

    Haha, it is so funny to get the foreigners perspective. I must admit, the Dutch have a couple of Quirks!

  18. Invader Stu says:

    Louise – It means it is too late :p

    Amsterdam Tour – So do we English :)

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    […] been here a little under a week now and it’s already happening Invader Stu warned me this would […]

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  21. Huurda says:

    So, do you like becoming dutch? Noting wrong with it i assume?

  22. Tim says:

    I’m dutch, and I don’t recognize some of ’em ;)
    Guess that’s because I’m from Limburg =D

  23. mokumhammer says:

    When you realise you can NEVER become Dutch, you’re on the way to understanding them a little better.

  24. MP Moreno says:

    Also, you are becoming Dutch when you actually see the difference between regions manners.

  25. @Cluthadubh says:

    Been stuck out in the eastern boondocks of the Netherlands for since 2000, and yeah I get this. Managed to avoid the red trews though…

  26. The Dutch Circle Party Guide and Win a T-Shirt | International Almere says:

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  27. Freya says:

    Oh priceless. I’ve dated a Dutchie for over a year, and he asked for mayo on the Swedish meatballs I cooked for him!! AND mashed the potatoes.

    I look forward to my coming move tho the low countries and getting better aqainted with all of the above. It is after all only half a year to Pepernoten Season. ;-)

  28. […] a funny way of looking at how a person is integrating into life here can be found here. I read this blog post and chuckled a bit – I already identify with the first few points […]

  29. Maximu5 says:

    To be really integrated you must fit your car with a towing hook, purchase a huge caravan and travel each summer via B-roads (because you don’t want to pay motorway tolls and prefer to hold up all other traffic) to a camping in Southern France with your caravan scraping the ground because it is FULLY laden with food (such as little specks of chocolate to put on your slices of white bread in the morning) for the entire month. On the rare occasion when you do go for a meal in a restaurant, you go Dutch, i.e. each pays exactly for what he/she ate rather than dividing the entire bill by the number of participants as all other people would.

  30. Lya Hale says:

    The adage of the word “whore” to either Ja whore or Nee whore. You’ll get used to this.

  31. Frits Onland says:

    I never thought about the fact that we do use ‘hello’ as an insult occasionally and how weird that is.

  32. Jolanda says:

    Marrying me (dutch girl) must have pushed my hubby ( his parents are dutch) over the edge, he often wears red pants, it is a source of great teasing by our Aussie, born and raised kids! LOL

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