Something suspicious had caught my eye, a shadow.
It was late at night as I made my way home through the deserted streets and alleyways of my new neighborhood. Darkness had long since descended upon Holland and the streets were lit dimly by the glow of flicking street lights. It was quiet. The streets were empty apart from me and the suspicious shadow.
The suspicious shadow was suspiciously human shaped and it was suspiciously standing with its suspicious back to me looking suspiciously through a hedge into someone’s non-suspicious garden. I would not have spotted them at all had it not been for the bright white jacket they had decided to wear; which seemed like a poor fashion choice for anyone acting suspiciously. However, beyond the white jacket I could not make out any details, it was hard for me to see anything but the jacket.
My route was going to take me straight past them. As I continued to approach they did not move, they stayed perfectly still, looking into the garden, watching, waiting.
Paranoia started to set in as I got closer. It had still not moved one suspicious muscle. I started to worry that the moment they realized their standing still ‘you can’t see me if I can’t see you’ tactic had not worked they would turn and confront me.
I crossed the road and continued to watch over my shoulder from my paranoid safe distance. From the moment I had turned onto the street and first spotted them to the last moment before I lost them from my view they had not moved one inch, not one bit. I returned home wondering if I should have done something.
What suspicious activity were they up to? Could I have stopped a horrible crime? Am I a bad citizen?
It turns out the answer to these questions in order are; nothing, not really and no, you are just an idiot. The next morning when I walked down the same street in daylight I discovery that what I had really seen was this:
Elvis. No really… Elvis.
I know sightings of Elvis are common but they are usually restricted to local supermarkets or fish & chip shops in remote villages. I don’t think there have been many sightings of The King on Crimewatch as police request to contact him in connection with a series of unsolved house burglaries.
My particular sighting turned out to be The king captured in statue form, sitting on a bar stool, holding a guitar, looking more suspiciously like he was going to sing ‘Tutti Frutti’ than suspiciously murder a sleeping family. During the event I had not been able to make out he was holding a guitar, it looked more like he had been supporting his weight on the hedge as he leaned forward and looked in. I know it was Elvis even though he had his back turned to me because I see him in Amsterdam every day as well.
It would have made for a very interesting police line-up had he actually been doing something suspicious. It would also prove that I am not the kind of eye witness you want to hinge the whole success of your case on since (at the time) I had not been able to recognize it was Elvis… or a statue. I’d most likely end up picking Buddy Holly or Frank Sinatra out of the line up by mistake instead.
Elvis has left the crime scene.