The Pannenkoeken Farce

7:45pm – INT – RESTAURANT ENTRANCE

A family of four enters the Pannenkoeken house and waits by the entrance. They are approached by a waiter. He is a young waiter. He probably works at the Pannenkoeken house part time and goes to college where he studies for a less pancake orientated future. For the purposes of this story we will call him Dirk van Pannenkoek. Dirk van Pannenkoek enquires as to how he may assist the family. The family of four requests a table of four since it is what they require.

Dirk shows the family of four to the requested table with four seats and presents them each with a menu (which totals four). English menus are requested and given. Dirk does this quickly and efficiently as he is a well trained waiter.

With the menu’s arranged Dirk enquires if drinks are desired and four drinks are ordered, one each for the family of four. A short while later Dirk returns with the drinks.



7:55pm – INT – RESTAURANT TABLE

When Dirk returns later once more the family of four has suddenly become a family of three. Dirk suggests that he should return when the three have become four again but the family of three insist that they are ready to order. Dirk takes out his order pad and pen and three orders follow, each of which he writes down. He waits for the fourth order for the missing member but no order is given or seems likely to be given. Confused for a moment Dirk wonders if he imagined the fourth family member or if they are a very unkind family who considers someone to be on their own and forgotten when they visit the bath room. Slightly perplexed Dirk returns to the kitchen.



TEN MINUTES EARLIER

My father had spent a good amount of time umming and erring his way through the menu’s selection of pancakes on offer. It seems that no amount of ice cream or strawberry toppings could change his opinion of the pancakes nutritional value so he volunteered to go to the McDonald’s across the street. Shortly after he left the waiter had returned.



8:15pm – INT – RESTAURANT TABLE

Dirk returns with three pancakes for the family of three but something else is wrong now. It quickly becomes apparent that a mistake was made in the order. One of the three pancakes is wrong. Dirk apologizes for the mistake but the family offers to pay for the incorrect pancake anyway. Dirk does not know how to react to the English politeness so he puts the pancake down in front of the empty fourth seat and takes a new order with his pad and pen.

Dirk returns to the kitchen more confused than previously. He is confused by their politeness about the error while they showed such disregard for the missing fourth member (he still wonders if he imagine that). And why had he witnessed the young lady hitting the young man in the arm as he had approached the table.



FIVE MINUTES EARLIER

Even with the English menus the pancakes had a lot of unusual names so it was no surprise when my mother got the names mixed-up and ordered the wrong pancake. When the waiter had returned with a pancake covered in chicken instead of a pancake covered in ice cream the mistake became apparent and she ordered a new pancake.

The unusual sounding names were also the reason I had started making jokes at the expense of my girlfriend and her pancake order. I can be incredibly immature at times and anyone who orders a pancake called, “The farmer’s daughter,” is just asking for it.

“Have you had the farmer’s daughter before?”

“Yes. A few times.”

“So you’ve enjoyed having the farmer’s daughter a lot?”

She hit me on the arm when she realized what I was doing.



8:35pm – INT – RESTAURANT TABLE

Dirk returns to the family of three with the new pancake. He is about to put it down on the table when he suddenly notices something that courses him to pause. The family of three has become a family of four again and the fourth member is sitting with a pancake in front of him.

The confusion that Dirk is experiencing is very apparent on his face. A few seconds pass before he realizes he is standing still, staring at the family, holding the new pancake in mid putting it down motion. The fourth family member smiles at him, looking happy with his pancake.

The cogs in his head are trying to turn. A family of four had ordered four drinks only to become a family of three who ordered three pancakes and then ordered an extra one to become a family of four again.

Dirk puts the pancake down. Dirk wishes the family of four a happy meal. Dirk turns around and leaves. Dirk returns to the kitchen. Dirk sobs in the corner of the kitchen while rocking back and forth.



FIVE MINUTES EARLIER

After a successful trip to the McDonald’s my father had returned. He had sat back in his unoccupied seat and was slightly confused by what looked like a chicken covered pancake we had ordered for him in his absence. Once we had explained the mix up he was less confused than our waiter looked when he returned. My father gave the waiter one of those awkward British smiles as if to say, “It’s alright. This kind of thing happens to us a lot.”





27 responses to “The Pannenkoeken Farce”

  1. Avalon Greene says:

    Hehe, you always experience the most funniest thing ever. Enjoyed reading your pancake adventures!

  2. Lopa says:

    hahaha…finally that long awaited story about how you guys confused the waiter !
    Can’t stop laughing :D

  3. Alison says:

    Mmm. Pannenkoeken. I’m feeling kind of hungry, so I’ll be happy to take that chicken one!

    It can be fun trying to come up with a story to explain those random, odd moments of strangers. I enjoyed your take on the waiter’s perspective in that case (and appreciated your insider’s explanations).

  4. Peter says:

    The flashback is a very underused device in blogging. Well done.

  5. VallyP says:

    I’m even more confused than the waiter…what did your father do at Macdonalds? Buy something and eat it there on his own, or did he just …hmmm, no…..see? You’ve even confused me…but then that happens a lot too…i’ll just have to read it again now….haha. Great piece Stu!

  6. Dragonlady says:

    Just read your blog and I cried till tears ran down my face and I couldn’t breath, it was so funny. I was there at the time and it didn’t seem that funny. Maybe I’m just used to things like this happening.

  7. Andrew says:

    Great post, waitering seems like a very stressful job to me, and you clearly didn’t help much.. I hope you tipped him well!

  8. Invader Stu says:

    Avalon Greene – Thank you. These things always seem to have a way of happening to me.

    Alison – you can have the chicken one but I’m keeping the ice-cream one. Mmmmmmmmm.

    Peter – thank you. Now I just have to figure out a way to use the Wayne’s World flashback sound and blurring screen effect in blogging.

    VallyP – Thank you :) Hopefully it’s like the move Inception and makes more seance the second time around.

    Dragonlady – Since they seem to happen to us a lot it’s not unusual that we would start to become used to them :)

  9. Invader Stu says:

    Andrew – the bad thing is (now that I think about it) I don’t think we did :s

  10. orangesplaash says:

    Hilarious..finally did the waiter understand all that had happened or was he left wondering?

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  12. Invader Stu says:

    orangesplaash – I think he was left forever wondering :)

  13. LizzeeB says:

    Oh so funny Invader Stu you make me LOL. Very well written :-)

  14. Jules says:

    Argh! Your post reminded me that I haven’t had poffertjes yet!

    Poor Dirk…I hope you tipped him well, at least?

  15. Invader Stu says:

    LizzeeB – Thank you :)

    Jules – you have to try them. they are so great. But don’t eat to many. You’ll get sick very quick.

    Well… we might not have tipped as much as he deserved for putting up with us.

  16. Gez says:

    OK, so your dad fails to see the nutritional value of pancakes, and goes to a McD’s? WTF?
    Had a friend who once ate the styrofoam box of a McDonalds, and when questioned by management replied along the lines of ‘it’s got more nutritional value than the burger that was in it’. Earned him a ban from the place.
    But McD’s instead of a pancake? Sounds like one of my ex’s, who, after I’d moved over here, asked me if there were McD’s in Holland…Though this is also the ex that asked me what Rice Krispies were made from.
    My parents have the ‘when in Rome’ attitude when they visit, and pancakes and poffertjes both go down a treat :)

  17. Pinay in Dutchland says:

    Typical Dutch waiters. A friend of mine is complaining that the service in the dining business has really slumped in this country because of their practice of “saving”. They hire students who doesn’t know a thing about good service so that they can save on the labor cost.

    Oh well, I hope your family at least enjoyed the pancake. Ive never finished a Dutch pancake before. It’s just way too big for me.

  18. Mearick says:

    Haha! Great post! Not feeling so great today and this helped cheer me up. Hehe, your family sounds like a bunch of fun. Yummy pancakes. :P

  19. French Bean says:

    Great. Now I want some pancakes. And it’s 9:20 p.m. for me. :-P

  20. Philly Girl Abroad says:

    Loved the shift in person and the use of flashback! Well done!

  21. Invader Stu says:

    Gez – My mum has that attitude

    Pinay in Dutchland – I’m amazed to hear that the service in restaurants used to be good? Just kidding. I don’t find that it is bad every where but the places where it is bad it is really bad.

    French Bean – Pancakes, pancakes, pancakes, pancakes, pancakes, pancakes, pancakes, pancakes, pancakes, pancakes, pancakes, pancakes, pancakes. Mmmmmmmm :p

    Philly Girl Abroad – Thank you :)

  22. French Bean says:

    …I *STILL* want some pancakes. With maple syrup. :-P (Ironically, it’s 9:22 p.m. now!) Gah!

  23. Anita says:

    A client that vanishes and re-appears… poor Dirk !

  24. Aledys Ver says:

    After this, I’m sure Dirk van Pannenkoek had to go back to Dutch Waitressing College and asked the Pannenkoek Restaurant Waitressing Department to re-write their Manual of Procedures :D (you can’t do this to Pavlov trained waiters, no wonder the poor guy was crying his eyes out in the kitchen!!) LoL!!!!!

  25. Invader Stu says:

    French Bean – Still want them now?

    Anita – He has to ask himself it was all just in his mind.

    Aledys Ver – I like to think we made him have to go into therapy :p

  26. Jason says:

    OMG, that’s awesome Stu! hahahha! :D

  27. Invader Stu says:

    Thanks Jason :)

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