“You’ve got something stuck between your teeth.” My wife informs me as we finish dinner.
“Thanks,” I reply after successfully removing the offending food fragment.
“Do I have anything stuck in my teeth?” She asks in return.
I quickly check as she grins at me but find nothing.
“No. You are more…”
I suddenly stop mid-sentence as my brain jumps into the conversation like a bodyguard diving in front of a bullet.
Me: “What?! What is it?!”
Brain: “You can’t say that to a woman. Do you have any idea how that sounds?”
Me: “What? How what sounds?”
Brain: “You were about to say; You are more practised at eating then me.”
Me: “I was only… Oh… Oh god… You’re right. That sounds terrible. ”
Brain: “Quick! You’ve got to come up with something else!”
Me: “I… Err… Umm..”
Me: “Err… experienced at eating?”
Brain: “Don’t be stupid! That sounds worse.”
Me: “Oh no! She’s looking at me funny. I’ve been paused for too long. What do I do?!”
Brain: “Say something. Anything… Anything not stupid.”
“…better at eating then me.” I finish aloud.
Brain: “Oh you idiot! That’s not even correct grammar.”
Me: “I panicked. You made me panic.”
Brain: “Keep me out of this. You’re on your own.”
My brain suddenly falls silent. I am left alone. I brace myself for the reaction of my wife who is simply looking at me with an unreadable look on her face. There is a moment of silence and then… she bursts out laughing at the look of absolute fear on my face.