A Little Lost In The Wrong Part of Amsterdam


I freely call myself an accident prone man. I am comfortable with doing so because it is something that gives me a lot of funny stories to write about. Lately I have been a lot less accident prone but I still got a chance to live up to my blogs reputation this week when I met fellow blogger Blonde but Bright.

We had arranged to meet at a bar for a few drinks along with another of her friends but I was having trouble finding the place. After some unsuccessful searching I decided to give BBB a call.

Me: “Hi. It’s Stuart. I’m near the cinema but I’m not sure where this bar is.”

BBB: “Ok. What tram stop are you near?”

Me: “Er… None I think. I don’t know this area too well.”

I’d only ever been there to go to the cinema.

BBB: “Really?”

Me: “Yeah.”

BBB: “Do you know The Heineken brewery? It’s right near there.”

All I could see was the Heineken Music Hall but I didn’t think they would be hiding a distillery behind the bar where any drunken customer could get to it and drink them into bankruptcy.

Me: “Umm. I don’t really know where that is either.”

I suddenly felt like I could not truly call myself English because of my lack of beer related landmarks.

BBB: “Really?”

It sounded like she could not believe I was English anymore either.

BBB: “It’s South of the flower market.”

Me: “Flower market? They have one of those here?”

I knew of a flower market but that was a few miles away.

BBB: “Yes. It’s near the big clock tower.”

I knew of a big clock tower as well but that was also a few miles away near that flower market. Slowly realization started to dawn on me…

Me: “Oh… wait.”

… and then I suddenly knew what I had done.

Me: “You’re in Amsterdam aren’t you?”

BBB: “Yes.”

As soon as my brain reorganized the landmarks into their correct setting I knew exactly where the place was. It was in a part of Amsterdam that was very hard to mistake for any where else and I wasn’t even in Amsterdam. I had got the address wrong by a few miles. Another train journey later and the charming Blonde but Bright got to meet Ginger but Dim.

67 responses to “A Little Lost In The Wrong Part of Amsterdam”

  1. Ash says:

    Ha ha ha. Well, you may be accident prone, and slightly daft, but atleast you’re charming. :P

  2. roxanne says:

    Hope you had a good time once you did get there. Ginger but Dim. I like it.

  3. Emiel says:

    Don’t they have these Palmtop TomToms? The portable electronic routeplanner like in cars? Of course, if you’re accident prone, than something may still go wrong. You just can’t escape fate.

  4. ChickyBabe says:

    That’s so cute! I often wondered if you two knew one other :).

  5. BlondebutBright says:

    Well put, Ginger but Dim. I still can’t believe that you didn’t have an instant picture of the Heineken brewery – a tourist trap notorious for its provision of free-flowing beer.

    Next time I’ll provide more explicit directions. :)

  6. BlondebutBright says:

    Granted, the Heineken Music Hall is more exciting. But I think a trip to the brewery is in order. Did you know that it’s only about 10 euros entrance, you get three beers and a beer glass included in the price, AND you can beg the other patrons for their unused beer coupons?

    And you call yourselves English! :)

  7. Ash says:

    Even I know where you were ;) Ginger but Dim is pretty funny :)

  8. BlondebutBright says:

    Care to expand on the distinction, tenakalaz? I’m truly curious. I have an idea but will humbly wait – as a sometimes ignorant American – for your explanation.

  9. BlondebutBright says:

    Thank you. :) I will remember that in my future encounters with your kind.

  10. Jean-Paul says:

    I thought you were from Holland. I’m confused now.



  11. Jean-Paul says:

    I’m half English-French Canadian, and I always have a propensity to drink a bit too much. It’s accidental; I seem not to remember the consequences. That’s why I asked, maybe being from Holland helps with accidents.

    Today I have had too much coffee and cannot write poetry which makes me sad.

    But then, tomorrow will be a different day.



  12. Bibi says:

    Jean-Paul, what does that have to do with anything?



  13. Invader_Stu says:

    Ash – Thanks… I think :p

    Roxanne – Yeah and I found my way home safely as well :p

    Emiel – I might end up in Germany or some where instead.

    ChickyBabe – That was the first time we met.

    BlondebutBright – What’s even worse is I have never been there. I think I have given up my right to be English.

    Don’t worry about the directions. It wasn’t you fault. Next time I wont believe my flatmate when he thinks he knows were a place is :p

  14. tenakalaz says:

    and I feel guilty for encouraging his misdirection.

    Heineken SQuar, you mean by the Arena ?

    yeh that must be it………

    Whoops, sorry Stu.

  15. tenakalaz says:

    I NEVER call myself english……. I am British…… (yes very anal I know)

    And as stuart can confirm, I have the drinking capacity of a small rodent…

  16. ellen says:

    We need to get you a GPS device. Either that, or a big round tag that reads, “I’M LOST.”

  17. Elle says:

    Is this a convoluted ploy to avoid talking about the actual meeting itself?

  18. tenakalaz says:

    BbB – hehehe, yeh I am just being obstinant.

    But basically, my parents are not english. I was just born in the U.K therefore making me British.

  19. Tess says:

    Geez, that’s quite a long trip to make from one end to the other [by metro and tram I reckon?]; hilarious! Call me silly but I have a map on me whenever I go out, or a TomTom… :9

  20. Jean-Paul says:

    That’s the magic of Heineken (TM) beer.

    Enjoy friendship and cherish your biru, Stu!



  21. Invader_Stu says:

    BlondebutBright – If I have to prove my Englishness by drinking large quantities of beer I am up to the challenge but the end result might be embarrassing :p

    I heard from a co-works that if you go in wearing a t-shirt with another beer company logo on it they will give you more drinks, possibly in an attempt to convert you.

    Tenakalaz – I might not even listen to you know if you give me directions to the kitchen :p

    Ash – I feel like I just gave myself one of those nicknames most people try to forget :p

    Jean-Paul – No, I’m from England. I just live here.

  22. Amanda says:

    ppfffhahahaha! Great story! Most people get directions wrong by a few blocks. Not an entirely different town!

  23. Jean-Paul says:

    Isn’t it the word for beer in Japan?



  24. Invader_Stu says:

    Amanda – My next aim is to get it wrong by a whole country

    Jean-Paul – I’m just as accident prone no matter what country I’m in

  25. Invader_Stu says:

    Ellen – “If found please return to…”

    Elle – Not at all. I had a very nice time meeting BBB.

  26. Invader_Stu says:

    Tess – That’s starting to sound like a good idea

    Jean-Paul – Biru? Is that some kind of Japanese beer?

  27. flicka says:

    oooh! so after all of that did you guys hit it off? common now, spill the beans… ;)

  28. marycub says:

    tsk never been to the heineke brewery? you get a free glass and everything! bet you’ve been to the sex museum right??

  29. BlondebutBright says:

    Hey! I disappear for a day and look at the vicious rumors spreading! And the fact that my IP address is in Mexico is purely a coincidence!

  30. BlondebutBright says:

    Isn’t it funny how as soon as you take the “offline meeting” step, everybody assumes – well, what they’re assuming? It’s a blogger drama…

  31. BlondebutBright says:

    tenakalaz, you know when that happens (the commenting bit) you need to start your own blog!

  32. Jodie says:

    I blame “When Harry met Sally”. Ever since Billy Crystal said that line about men and women not being able to be friends becuase the sex always gets involved its been totally impossible for people to believe in platonic relationships… so you see, life does imitate art :)

  33. Jean-Paul says:

    I got invited out by a bloggie friend. Do you have any recommendations?

    She says she is 25 and slim, she is smart too, we should meet. But all I want is a drink wit her. Should I just settle for dinner?



  34. tenakalaz says:

    Oh what a nosy bunch, actually Stu and BbB eloped and have not been seen since.

    I have been secretly employed to post for them, whilst they email me from their love shack in Mexico.

    But they asked me to keep it quiet so if you all wouldn’t say anything.

  35. Invader_Stu says:

    Flicka – We got a long very well but not in the way you are thinking. It was just a friendly drink.

    Tenakalaz – Ow man… I told you not to say anything about that.

  36. Jean-Paul says:

    My apologies. I thought people from Holland knew how to deal with these situations, Stu.

    I’ll ask Technocrati technical support now.



  37. Invader_Stu says:

    Marycub – My English friends made me go

    BlondebutBright – Dam. Now they know. We’ll have to flee to another country my love (I really am joking everyone)

  38. tenakalaz says:

    Its the law of platonics, you can’t possibly want to meet just because it’s interesting or for fun, it must be tinged with sexuality.

    Besides, you are both bloggers who obviously never meet other people IRL unless it’s through the blog, myspace or IRC, so I assumed you are both just happy to have spoken to a real person.


    (damn I have turned into a blog commetns whore!!)

  39. Invader_Stu says:

    As soon as I made the post I wondered if anyone would start jumping to conclusions.

    Commenting is how I started but Tenakalaz’s blog might be a scary place.

    I’m just joking… or am I :p

  40. tenakalaz says:

    Says the man with the lift story……

    Although the thought of my own blog alone makes me nervous,the police would have a permanent record reachable through the internet.

  41. Jean-Paul says:

    Thank you Stu. I appreciate your comment.

    Other people’s experience help us with our own regardless where they are located.



  42. Invader_Stu says:

    But it would stop anyone from thinking you are a split personality of me since you sometimes link back to my blog when commenting.

  43. tenakalaz says:

    well I am not gonna link them to my myspace…

    you can take responsiblity!!

  44. Invader_Stu says:

    Ok. But I’m not taking responsibility for the bodies and the 2 million you stole from Mr Linderman

    (Heroes Reference)

  45. Invader_Stu says:

    Jodie – I still haven’t seen that movie.

    Jean-Paul – I really have no idea why you are asking me this. I think you are seeing another meaning in this post that is not there.

  46. Invader_Stu says:

    No problem. Just go along and meet with her. She’s probability a nice person.

    and I’m not from Holland. I just live here and use their stuff :p

  47. marycub says:

    made u go lol.

  48. Jodie says:

    You should see the movie Stu!

    As for the dental plan – thats a bit silly, I mean it wouldn’t be terribly sexy for a live model in a sex museum to have a smile that was missing teeth or was mostly brown and yellow… ick!
    No wonder you quit… although I would have thought it had more to do with the leopard print g-string ;)

  49. Tenakalaz says:

    no-one makes stu go anywhere…..

    Stu used to work as a live model in the sex museum.

  50. Invader_Stu says:

    The pay was good but there was no dental plan so I quite :p

  51. Jean-Paul says:

    The satisfaction of a fulfilling activity is worth more than a thousand images…



  52. Tenakalaz says:

    jodie, that was his own had nothing to do with the job, he just likes it says it makes him feel “all warm inside”

  53. Invader_Stu says:

    I still like to wear the leopard print g-string even now.

  54. Invader_Stu says:

    Actually, that could be a very disturbing cartoon I draw one day for this blog :p

  55. JaG says:

    Wow! It’s a comment party up in here!

  56. Tash says:

    Well hey then I just might add one more. XD Awsome story, me being still young and all it makes me look forward to the many misadventures possible in my life. Its good though that this misadventure turned out wonderfuly for you.

    “Actually, that could be a very disturbing cartoon I draw one day for this blog :p”

    Its nice to see your aspiring to something great.

  57. Jean-Paul says:

    Exoctations go a long way in blog comment



  58. Invader_Stu says:

    It took me by surprise too :)

  59. Jodie says:

    6 more comments and it will be a tenth evil!

    Aha, so our Stu like the leopard print g-strings does he… next thing Tenakalaz will be telling us that you have fluffy pink handcuffs in your bedside cabinet!!! No wonder you came to Holland, Stu, the UK must have been quite dull ;)

  60. Jodie says:

    I went away for two days and them came back… I am the Mistress of the Distressing Subject Matter *MWAHAHAHAHA*

  61. tenakalaz says:

    just to make it 60 :)

  62. tenakalaz says:

    the handcuffs are fine but the tutu really doesn’t suit him, he just doesn’t have the legs for it.

  63. Invader_Stu says:

    How did we get on to this topic again?

  64. tenakalaz says:

    Hurry up and post again stu, otherwise the internet will be overloaded with comments and there will be no more room for blogs.

  65. Invader_Stu says:

    I was thinking I have to write another post before people start to believe I might actually run around in a posing pouch.

  66. tenakalaz says:

    yeh I have been meaning to talk to you about that…… the cat is starting to get a little scared

  67. Invader_Stu says:

    I know… those claws are sharp

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