This week NASA revealed that the Mars Rover ‘Curiosity’ has discovered something big. Something huge! Something for the history books! Something that will blow our minds!… But they are are not telling us what it is yet. Although the discovery will not be made public until December I for one wish to welcome to our new alien overlords.
Normally I would not write about this kind of thing on my blog but I could not pass up the opportunity to make a bunch of nerdy jokes as I make wild speculation about what this important discovery could be.
WARNING: Readers born after the 80s might not have a clue what I am rambling on about.
The Mars Rover has confirmed that men are from Mars. A second mission is required to confirm whether women are from Venus.
The last transmission from the Martian surface simply shows the Mars Rover getting face-hugged before the video feed cuts out.
After an encountered with a black obelisk the Mars Rover evolved into the first entity to fully understand the real meaning behind the end of 2001: A Space Odyssey.
NASA has made contact with representatives of a race with far superior technology to our own; Mr & Mrs Spoon of Button Moon.
The Mars Rover was attacked and scavenged for parts by a tribe of Clangers.
The Mars Rover was attacked by a group of Jawas and sold to a young farm boy strong in the ways of the force.
The Mars Rover accidently stumbled through a Star Gate.
The Mars Rover has been adopted by The Doctor as a replacement for K9.
The real primary mission has been complete; search for Spook.
The mission has had to be put on hold because the Mars Rover has become romantically involved and run off with one of the aliens from Batteries Not Included.
In an unexpected turn of events NASA has to hold a press conference revealing to the world that the aliens from Mac & Me are real.
NASA are disappointed to discover that they have been beaten to it and the first man mission to Mars has been completed by Wallace & Gromit who were discovered having a picnic on the surface of the planet.
The inhabitants of Mars reviled themselves to NASA by lodging a formal complaint about the noise of all the Mars Rover’s digging and drilling.
After analysing soil samples and consulting the Dulux paint colour range NASA can now confirm that Mars is more ‘Summer Nights Crimson’ then ‘Red’.
The Mars Rover has discovered the crashed remains of; The Battlestar Galactica, Red Dwarf or George Jetson’s Space Buggy.
Previously I shared a few of the warning signs for expats to look out for if they think they are starting to become Dutch. But what about the Dutch themselves? Could they also be influenced by all of us English expats moving into their country? It’s very possible. Here are a few early warning signs that might indicate you are starting to become English.
When a disaster strikes, no matter how devastating or terrifying it might be, your first instinct is to ‘put the kettle on’ as a means of putting things in to perspective. Even the apocalypse will seem easier to deal with once you have had a nice cup of tea (including milk and sugar).
Saying the word ‘sorry’ becomes an uncontrollable, automatic and involuntary reaction to everything, including things that have not actually happened yet, things that might not even happen and things that you are in no way responsible for at all. In extreme cases you will even apologise for apologising too much.
Your manner of speaking becomes similar to that of a Victorian villain in an American movie.
You start watching Strictly Come Dancing.
You suddenly realize you know the rules to cricket.
You become compelled to drive on the left hand side of the road (a real problem if you are on a Dutch highway at the time).
You start requesting ketchup instead of mayonnaise with your friet. In extreme cases you will be very specific that it must be HP ketchup.
In addition you start to refer to friet as chips and will be disappointed if they are not soggy.
You become confused by the Euro.
You measure how well you are doing in life by comparing your happiness to that of the average Eastenders character.
You consider Baked Beans on toast a ‘treat’ and know what Egg and Soldiers are.
You’ve written a letter of complaint at some point in your life.
You consider queuing a hobby.
You become frustrated by the American spelling of the word ‘colour’ and ‘favourite’.