Archive: Charlie?

Categories: Drugs

Invading Holland is going to be taking a short break for a few weeks to relax and unwind. In the mean time I’ll be automagically posting so of the stories from Invading Holland past. Normal blogging service will return in a few week.

In the mean time please enjoy the first of the archive posts taking from August 2007 about the search for Charlie.

There are a lot of shady looking characters who hang around Amsterdam. I see them on an almost daily basis as they silently wait by street corners and alleyways. Anyone who has lived in the city long enough knows how it works. Sometimes they quietly wait to be approached, other times they advance with out warning. However, they always ask the same question in the same hushed whisper. It’s a question I have been asked many times myself. It is only a single word but we all understand what they are asking.

“Charlie?”

Since my name is not Charlie and I don’t know anyone by that name I am never able to give them the information they seek so I simply shake my head and carry on walking, leaving them to ask the next passer by (which by the sounds of it they do a lot).

I often wonder who this Charlie is. Why is he so popular? Why have so many people decided to dedicate so much time in to searching for him? Does he owe them money? Is he a lost friend or relative? Could he be their missing leader or a secret spy contact? Why is he so important to them?

Whoever he is he is a very allusive man.

What about the people who spend all their days trying to find him. There are a lot of them who appear to have been looking for him for a very long time. Are their efforts combined or are they all searching for him for their own individual gain? Do they wake up every morning truly believing that today will be the day they finally find Charlie? Do they later return home, feeling crushing despair after yet another day of fruitless searching? What keeps them going? How long will they be able to continue their search?

They have been unsuccessful in their quest for such a long time. It is finally time for us to aid them in their search for this mysterious man. It is obviously very important that he is found (otherwise they would have given up by now). This is why I am setting up the ‘Help Find Charlie’ appeal.

Do you know anything about this Charlie they seek? Maybe you have seen him, maybe you are friends with him or maybe you even are him. Any information you can provide, no matter how small, might help us find Charlie.

If you wish to show your support for the appeal you can print out the poster provided below and display it somewhere that Charlie might see (or at least someone with information about him).

At the moment we know absolutely nothing about Charlie or where he is but with a little hard work I am sure we can find him and end the search that has lasted for so long for so many shady looking people on the streets of Amsterdam.

Thank you for your support.

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How To Identify A Dutch Circle Party

Categories: Culture Shock

Anyone who has lived in Holland long enough has been invited to the dreaded ‘Dutch Circle Party’. But what about the people who have hosted one themselves? Sometimes they are unaware that they are throwing a Dutch circle party or maybe they actively trying to avoid their party turning into one. Either way, here are some of the warning signs to look out for.

1) Are there chairs?
This should be your first warning sign. Even if you have not arranged the chairs in to a circle yourself your Dutch guests will slowly re-arrange them into the ‘optimal party seating arrangement’ as they arrive (it is part of their natural instinct).

A simple solution for this problem is to hide all available seating. However, be warned, Dutch guests have been known to re-arrange any furniture they can find which can be sat on and/or lean on in order to form their own circle.

2) Are there drinks?
Tea does not count. If guests start turning down tea because they have reached their limit your party most likely turned into a circle party sometime ago (between the 2nd and 3rd cup). If you have been serving slices of cake with the tea the problem is even more serious.

Don’t be fooled by a small presents of alcohol at your party. Two guys using the opportunity to drink beer responsibly while their wives are distracted by someone else’s baby does not a wild party make.

Spiking everyone’s tea will soon liven up your party.

3) Is there music?
At a circle party there is often a lack of music so guests can hear each other ‘talk’. If there is music it is often very quiet or worse… Dutch.

Turn on some loud music to drown out the sound of guests talking about their mortgages.

4) Is everyone congratulating each other?
If guests start congratulating each other for your achievement (as if they are saying, “Well done for putting up with him for another year”) then your party could be a circle party (or simply very Dutch).

The best solution for this problem is to be as attention grabbing as possible and remind everyone that it is your day and it is you and only you they should be congratulating (However, this may lead to a real feeling of “Do we have to put up with him for another year?”). Plan a suitable entrance and party attire.

5) Are their guests from three generations?
If someone’s grandmother is chatting with someone’s two year old second cousin something went wrong with the party invites. It’s too late to do anything about it unless you hire a bouncer.

Still not sure? Then why not print out this handy flow chart?

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