18 Mar

“Have you heard this song before?” My wife asks as she turns up the radio a little for me to hear the lyrics. “It’s so weird.”

“No, I’ve… Wait… What’s he singing?”

“I’d catch a grenade for ya.”

“Really? Wow. Why?”

“I don’t know but it sounds like a nice song until you listen to the lyrics. Then it just gets creepy.”

“Why would he… Oh my god! What was that one? I’d jump in front of a train for ya? Take a bullet straight through my brain?” I say, repeating the words I have just heard. “Under what normal daily circumstances does he expect he would need to do all this?”

A few moments later we have pulled into a petrol station and are crowded around the car radio, analysing the lyrics.

“For the sake of argument, if we said he was catching grenades and taking bullets to save the one he loves I still fail to see how jumping in front of a train would accomplish anything. At that point he really is just committing suicide.”

“And then complaining that she won’t do the same for him.” My wife adds.

“Yeah. Maybe he just really desires a girlfriend who lacks even the most basic of self preservation and survival skills. I think he should lower his expectations a little. He needs to come up with some more reasonable and realistic things to do for love, stuff like; I’d make a midnight snack for ya. Put the toilet seat down for ya.”

“You are such a romantic.”

“Wait… What was that one? I’d throw my head on a plane for ya?”

“No. I think it’s put my head on a plate for ya.”

“Well that’s just stupid. How is that going to help anything?”

(We later found out the line was in fact; I’d throw my hands on a blade for ya… which is still stupid.)

“He sounds a bit stalker-ish if you ask me,” I inform my wife “I bet he is the weird silent one at the office. I bet you it’s three in the morning and he’s just suddenly shown up on the doorstep of a girl from accounting who he’s never spoken to and started singing this stuff.”

“Are you trying to say you would not catch a grenade for me?”

“Er… well…”

“I’d catch a grenade for you.”


“I’d throw it away again quickly of course. I’m not stupid.”

“I would hope not.”

14 Mar
Categories: The Blog

5 Years. 279 Posts. 183 Cartoons. 4615 Comments.

4 Mar

Lies About The Dutch

Lies About The Dutch – Part 2

  • The original spelling of ‘Netherlands’ had to be changed in 1834 when the country was almost sued for infringement of copy write law by the inhabitants of Neverland.
  • Contrary to popular belief The Netherlands only has one canal. It’s just very long and weaves its way around the entire country in a very complex manner.
  • The Netherlands also used to have hills until they used them all to fill in the watery bits.
  • More bicycles can be found at the bottom of the Dutch canals than there can be found on the streets (this one could be true).
  • Dutch windmills don’t harness wind. They create it for the rest of us.
  • Queen’s Day is not the celebration of the Queen’s birthday. It’s the celebration of men who like to put on pretty dresses and wear makeup.
  • The Dutch are responsible for the extinction of the dinosaurs. It was the building of the first early prehistoric dykes that destroyed the dinosaurs natural environment and led to their demise. Even recently a dead tyrannosaurus-rex was discovered floating face down in an Amsterdam canal by a tour boat captain. The Dutch are also responsible for the extinction of mermaids, The Kraken and The Lost City of Atlantis.
  • Every time a Dutch person visits Germany on holiday they steal a bike back.
  • The Dutch don’t add mayonnaise to food. They add food to mayonnaise.
  • At the reading of a will most Dutch people are more concerned about who inherits Grandma’s bicycle then who inherits the family fortune.
  • The Dutch love it when you tell them that you visited the Netherlands but really only mean Amsterdam. Even the Dutch agree that when you have seen Amsterdam you have seen everything the country has to offer. In fact, there are plans to re-name the whole country to Amsterdam.
  • Want to read more lies about the Dutch? Check out Part 3 of this list.