The wonderful people at the Stuart Britton Show have been kind enough to read out another one of my stories on their show as (in the words of Stuart Brittion himself), “a small and very weird wedding present”.
You can listen to the reading in the player below. I’d like to give a big thank you to Stuart Britton who made it all happen and Alan Lambourn who did the reading. Check out more of their show on The Stuart Britton Website.
The Englishman Who Spoke Good English:
You can also listen by clicking here.
The previous reading of ‘The Guide to Being an Expat Supporter’ can be found here.
Every year (in the middle of November) Sinterklaas and his crew of Zwarte Pieten sail from Spain to Holland in order to give presents to all the good little girls and boys on December 5th and every year this boat crossing is followed on the news . Every present over board and every rough wave is reported with the up most journalistic credibility and diligence for the children of Holland by Het Sinterklaas Journaal.
The story is different each year but the question is always same. Will Sinterklaas arrive in time?
Luckily Sinterklaas has already arrived in Holland this year but for next year’s Sinterklaas boat crossing news story I’d like to make a few suggestions of my own:
– Murder on the stoomboot van Spanje
When a body is found in the water it is a race against time for great Detective Sinterklaas to find the clues and uncover the truth before the boat reaches the main land and the murderer escapes forever. The deadly truth is finally revealed when all the suspects are gathered in the ships study.
– DEA raid
When DEA agents board the stoomboot van Spanje with a warrant to search for illegal narcotics Sinterklaas quickly discovers a terrible secret; one of his Pieten is being forced to smuggle cocaine into Holland, hidden within the yearly delivery of toys.
Gambling problems have got the Piet into deep trouble with the Spanish mafia and he has to do everything they say or face unpleasantries. Sinterklaas is forced to make an impossible decision; help out a friend in need and cover up this terrible secret or give him up to the feds and get back on schedule.
– Zombie Outbreak
What seemingly starts as a simple tummy bug amongst a few of the Pieten turns more sinister when they start attacking the rest of the crew. It is not long before the entire ship is crawling with the slow moving undead and a small handful of survivors led by Sinterklaas are forced to seal themselves in side the toy room.
With the ship stuck on auto pilot the survivors have only one choice; fight their way to the bridge, stop the steam boat before it reaches the main land (thus stopping the infection spreading throughout the whole of Holland) or die trying.
– Hostage Situation
The boat is boarded, the engines are sabotaged, the Pieten are rounded up and a message is sent to the main land, “Five million Euros by sun rise or Pieten start dying.”
It’s up to Sinterklaas (who avoided capture during the initial attack) save the day. However, he soon discovers that not everything is as it seems. Hans Gruber and his group of German terrorists are not terrorists at all. They are thieves and the hostage situation is just a distraction from their real goal; the toys.
– Ice Burg
The steamboat van Spanje starts taking on water fast when it hits one of the notorious Dutch ice burgs. Sinterklaas has to get everyone off the boat and into the life rafts before the steam boat sinks to the bottom of the ocean forever.
– Pirate Raid
The stoomboot van Spanje is chased, fired upon and boarded by Somalian pirates.
– Release the Kraken
Looking for more? Find a full list of all humorous sinterklaas guides and posts right here:
When a Piet’s deal with Davy Jones goes south the stoomboot van Spanje is chased all the way into the Dutch harbour by the angry Jones’ rather large pissed off nautical pet for a final show down with the Dutch navy.
All About Sinterklaas