The story you are about to read is not for the faint hearted or weak of stomach. In fact, if you value your sanity at all you would be wise to stop reading these words before it is too late… If you are foolish enough to continue reading you have been warned…
Never before has such a story been told. To read a single word of it is to invite madness. It has given the bravest and manliest of men nightmares. It has reduced the strongest of minds to quivering wrecks and it has made things that go bump in the night cry out for their mummies! It is a story of true horror. Turn back now and read no further!
Still here? Have my warnings done nothing to scare you away? You must really want to know the horrors of my story. Very well… If that is the case, come closer and I will tell you…
The other night I accidently ordered fries with pindasaus… and it did not taste as bad as I remember.
I do not know how to live with myself any more.
This is a quick update about a very cool upcoming event.
On Friday the 13th of December you can catch me live on stage at Theatre PePijn in Den Haag. I’ll be joining improv group The Cyclepaths for a night of comedy and laugh out loud fun. We’ll be taking suggestions from you the audience and make up stuff on the spot for your entertainment (and ours). No script. No rehearsal. Just a show you will never forget. Anything can happen. It’s going to be a wild night of comedy with a distinctive Christmas theme.
The show starts at 20:30. Tickets are 14 euros each and are available online or at the door on the night. Check out the Theatre PePijn website for more details.
This comic is based on the true story
of the time I really wrote to Sinterklaas (and got a reply
It first appeared in the November/December edition of DUTCH:The Magazine
, a bi-monthly magazine for Dutch descendants and expats living in Canada.
We all know that the tradition of Sinterklaas can sometimes be confusing for expats who are unfamiliar with it. The responsible thing to do would be to truth-ally explain the many interesting details and facts about the much loved Dutch tradition and leave it at that… But sometimes it’s just fun to mess with them and make stuff up.
Welcome to; Lies About The Dutch – The Sinterklaas Edition!
- Sinterklaas and Santa were once business partners but after several disagreements about whether they should locate their place of business in a cold climate or a warm climate they went their separate ways.
- No one realizes that Sinterklaas’ horse Amerigo is the real brains behind the operation. He controls everything.
- Sinterklaas and Santa are actually the same person but due to EU regulations he has to assume different identities for different countries. That’s why you’ve never seen them in the same room together… Think about it.
- The Zwarte Piet once lost Sinterklaas’ naughty book and in a panic replaced it with a phone book. This went unnoticed for three years until the real book was recovered.
- Sinterklaas used to place the children’s presents in their shoes himself. However, after passing out several times due to particularly bad smelling shoes he decided it was best to let the Pieten do it instead.
- There are in fact only four Zwarte Pieten. It is an optical illusion that makes it look like there are more.
- During the summer months the steam boat is used to give tours around the coast of Spain to tourists.
- Sinterklaas used to traditionally dress in white until one day when he accidentally mixed one of his red socks in with his laundry.
- Sinterklaas and Santa once spent five hours stuck down the same chimney while a team of elves and Zwarte Pieten tried to get them out. It was very awkward.
All these lies have probably put me in Sinterklaas’ naughty book.
So if you are looking for the truth about the Sint check out:
or find the full list of posts at
For expats living in The Netherlands who have never heard of the name Sinterklaas or seen a Zwarte Piet before November and December can become a very confusing time of year. This much loved Dutch tradition naturally leaves them with a lot of questions. What is Pakjesavond and why are children leaving their shoes out? Who is Sinterklaas and why does he own a steam boat? Who are the Zwarte Piet and why do they seem to have gotten their shoe polish mixed up with their face cream? It can be a very confusing time of year indeed.
But fear not. All these answers and more can be found right here in this collection of useful and comical Invading Holland guides that will help you figure out what the heck is going on (just click the titles):
It’s never a good idea to compare Sinterklaas to Santa Clause, not unless you want to seriously damage diplomatic relations between The Netherlands and your own country. This humorous guide helps highlight the key differences between the two so that you never again accidentally mix them up and risk deportation.
It’s always best to tell the truth if you want to stay out of Sinterklaas’ naughty book. But sometimes it’s just fun to mess with confused expats.
When I discovered Sinterklaas’ address I knew I had to send him a letter. I had so many unanswered questions about the Dutch tradition. Maybe he could help. Could he? Maybe not. He’s probably very busy… Little did I know that a few days later I would get a reply directly from the man himself.
If you are on Santa’s naughty list are you automatically on Sinterklaas’ naughty list? If Sinterklaas spends 11 months of the year in Spain why doesn’t he have more of a tan? Is Sinterklaas an eccentric billionaire? There are some questions that it’s simply best not to ask the Dutch when Sinterklaas comes to town. These two post asks them anyway.
Every year Sinterklaas’ boat journey from Spain to Holland is diligently followed on the news. Every present over board and every rough wave is reported with the up most journalistic credibility for the children of Holland and every year the question is the same. Will Sinterklaas arrive in time? Normally he does but what if the problems he encountered were much more… challenging?
A personal story about the time I almost met Sinterklaas himself, the lengths I went to to make it happen and an interesting conundrum about what exactly is considered stalking.