Mon
11 May

Speculoos Ice Cream

Most of you already know about my unhealthy Speculoos/Speculaas addiction and about the many Speculoos products that I have tried. I’ve written about them so many times that I am in danger of becoming Holland’s leading expert and reviewer of Speculoos products. I’m honestly surprised that none of you have tried to hold an intervention to put a stop to it.

But I guess you didn’t have to. My addiction came to an end last year when I tried the terrible Febo’s Speculooskroket. It broke me. I couldn’t even finish it. It was so bad that I turned my back on all things Speculoos related. They were all forever tainted. Speculoos would have to do something pretty amazing to win me back.

Something like…

Ben & Jerry’s Speculoos Ice Cream

Well played Speculoos… well played.

As soon as I heard about Ben & Jerry’s Speculoos Ice Cream I knew that my time free of Speculoos’ control was over. There was no point trying to avoid what I knew to be true; I had to try it. It seems that I was not the only one to reach this conclusion either. The entire population of Holland has been feverishly buying the stuff too. It took me two weeks to find a shop where it was not completely sold out. I even had to enlist the help of other people in my search. It was my wife who eventually tracked it down and presented me with a tub. She might be regretting this now though because (a) I didn’t let her have any and (b) I am once again addicted to the amazing taste that is Speculoos. The trauma of the speculooskroket has been forgotten. Long live Speculoos

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Wed
29 Apr

Win Tickets

It’s competition time. The nice people from Undutchable have given me two tickets to give away for their annual Eurovision party.

Not only will the party include a live viewing of the Eurovison Song Contest (already exciting in its own right) but there will also be live DJs, a Fairy Tale dress code, prizes and more. It’s all going to be held at Amsterdam’s St Olof Chapel on the 23rd of May.

To win all you have to do is answer this question:

“If you were writing your own song for the Dutch Eurovision Song Contest entry what would you call it and why?”

The most creative and funny answer will win the two tickets. Just leave your entry in the comments below (don’t forget to fill in your email). The competition is open until midnight on the 5th of May. The winner will be picked the following day and emailed the details about picking up their tickets.

If you’d like to guarantee yourself a place at the party you can already buy tickets from the Undutchable website. They are 20 euros each or free if you have worked through the agency before.

Koningsdag Search

UPDATE: We have a winner! Congratulations to Ashley.

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Tue
21 Apr
Koningsdag Search
This cartoon first appeared in the March/April edition of DUTCH:The Magazine
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Check out The Invading Holland Guide to Koningsdag
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Wed
15 Apr

Lost Keys

Five months ago I lost my car keys. In my attempts to find them I searched every corner of our apartment. I looked through every draw, checked every coat pocket, emptied every bag but found nothing.

Luckily my wife still had her car keys so started ‘borrowing’ them whenever I needed to go somewhere. She would use these opportunities to impress upon me the importance of finding my own car keys… So I would start my search again.

I interrogated our two year old daughter for information. When that failed I resorted to giving her another set of keys in the hopes that she would lead me to her secret hiding place and my missing car keys. Alas, she was innocent.

Then I became convinced that my car keys were in England. It wasn’t a complete stretch of the imagination. They had gone missing around the time we had visited my parents in London. In fact, my wife had driven us back to the boat with her own car keys. I’d not seen mine since the trip.

I asked my parents to search their home on four separate occasions over the months that followed. I asked them to check under the furniture. I asked them to search the street where we’d parked our car. I asked them to search their entire house from to bottom. Each time they found nothing and asked me to stop harassing them.

But I was convinced that my car keys had to be at my parents’ house or (at the very least) somewhere in England. Maybe I would just have to have a look for myself during our next visit.

More time passed. Life suddenly became very busy so we did not get a chance to return to England and start my search operation. I slowly started to realize that my car keys were probably lost forever and that I might have to get some new ones at some point. However, since I was not quite ready to admit that yet I continued using my wife’s car keys instead.

Five months had passed since my search began.

Then one day I was on my way out somewhere as my wife came in from cleaning the car. I asked to borrow her car keys again as I had done many times before and she responded by dangling a set of keys in front of my face. But when I tried to take them she refused to hand them over. I was puzzled. Was she trying to make a point about finding my own car keys? Did she want a kiss first (which I tried to do but was met with a head shake)? Why did she keep waving the keys and giving me that funny look?

It took me almost a minute to realize what was going on. The car keys she was holding were not hers… They were mine.

She had just found my missing car keys… in the car… under the driver’s seat. I quickly phoned my parents and apologized.

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Tue
31 Mar

Official Statement

Dear people of Holland,

This is not something that I normally do but I feel that it is important for me to make an official statement on something that you have all probably been wondering about.

I did not cause the power cut that affected large parts of the Netherlands last week.

Given my extremely accident prone nature it is understandable that some of you might have thought this. It is true that I have caused power cuts on several occasions in the past. However, those power cuts were always limited to my own home (as too was the fire). At the time of last week’s power cut I was not doing anything that could intentionally or unintentionally cause a large surge of electricity. I was not plugging something in, changing a light bulb, rewiring my house or performing any questionable experiments.

As for those of you who were wondering about my well being during the events of the power cut I am happy to report that I did not end up trapped in any lifts or trains (I am surprised too). In fact, I was quite unaware of what had happened until sometime later. The power cut happen moments after I stepped off the train at Amsterdam which might seem suspicious… but I’m sure I was not involved.

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